Who do you blame for the time you wasted as a DUB?

Thunder Rider

Think of all the time and energy you wasted sitting in meetings, going door to door and refraining from making friends and having enjoyable association with non dubs. Think about how much of your finite life is lost to you because you were a witness. Think about how foolish you looked, hanging on to the false teachings and empty hopes for the future. Think of how you hurt your children by holding them to the dub standards you were holding on to.

Who was at fault? Who is to blame for your losses and pain?

Do you blame your parents?

Do you blame the org?

Do you blame yourself?

You made your decisions based on the infomation that was supplied to you by people you trusted. You chose to act a certain way because of that informaton.

Obviously that information was faulty if not outright lies. Who is responsible for the losses suffered because you acted on misinformation?

I blame myself for being too trusting. I blame the org for propigating lies and deceit. I blame my parents for believing the lies and shaming me into following submissively through my youth and young adulthood.

What do we do now that the truth of our situation is revealed?

Understand why what was done, was done. Move on with our lives and make the best of a bad situation.

Not all of the after effects of the "choices" we made due to "misinformation" are bad. I for one am proud of the level of personality morality I came away form the dubs with. I hold my standards high in matters of right and wrong. I hold fast to the "Golden Rule".

One thing that holds true, as far as blame goes is, wasting time pointing fingers and dwelling on what can't be undone is futile. I din't have the time or inclination to loose sleep over it. My revenge will come at a time and place of my chosing, in a manner that will bring me the most satisfaction with the least effort.

One day I hope to forgive myself for what I put Sheila and my kids through.

Today I live for them, for my friends and for myself.

I insist on being happy in spite of who is to blame.

Nosferatu

It's hard to place blame. The true source of the crap I endured is the WTS. However, I think if my mother had reached out and got therapy for her screwy upbringing, all of it could have been avoided.

However, I am thankful that I've escaped the WT's clutches, and moved on to lead a more healthy life.

Puternut

Is there really anyone to blame?

We all made a choice. Some were raised, some came in later. We did what we felt was right at that time. Based on things that were presented to us. Yes now lots of time has been waisted. But it was also a learning experience. If we hadn't gone through it, we would not have been able to make a decision now either about this.

Puternut

Mulan

No blame. My parents were victims too, and I'm sure thought they were doing the best thing for us. After I was an adult, it was my choice.

Placing blame isn't productive.

Valis

Its all Thunder's fault!

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

avishai

My maternal and paternal grandmothers.

We all made a choice. Some were raised, some came in later

Oh yeah, society sanctioned "discipline" for not wanting to go out in service, etc. Some choice. As soon as I was out of the house, I was pretty much out of it.

codeblue

I second what Puternut said

flower

I respectfully disagree..

Children dont have a choice in the matter if they are born and raised in the ~~cult~~ org. They dont know anything else but what they are brainwashed with so it cannot be their fault simply because they turn 18 and are adults in the eyes of the law. They cant be expected to then just make a good decision, like they have not been brainwashed for their first 18 years. If they were brainwashed from birth to age 21 or whatever to be a JW then they will obviously believe what they have known as their only existance. It is not a choice.

I blame my parents because, my father has seen much 'wrongdoing' in the org over the years as an elder, and yet has held to the 'truth' mostly in my opinion, because of pride. Admitting that 40 years of your life was wasted in a cult is too big a thing for many to ever face psychologically, especially for those who are arrogant and thrive on power to begin with. And because my mother is a very strong woman in my opinion and will not accept what the org says about her 'cutting off' her df'd children but at the same time she will sit still in the org and not explore her questions further to their logical conclusion.

Obviously those greedy, money, power and control hungry assholes who are responsible for the deception and lies behind the organization are to blame also for ensnaring so many.

I take responsibility when I am wrong and make a mistake, but on this one I dont feel I am to blame. When I realized the truth, I said 'see ya later' to everyone and everything I ever knew. If I had a choice I would have done it before I had spent 29 years of my life in. But I didnt have a choice and that certainly wasnt my fault.

amicus

Blame is a negative point of view. Why not focus on the positive? There *is* positive, focus on that and move on.

The truth (troofh) is that the WTBTS inadvertantly inculcated some *good* qualities in their slaves. Retain the good, discard the bad and claim victory!

flower

I agree there is no point in 'dwelling' on who is to blame. But when you have spent an entire lifetime in the ~~cult~~ religion, and are spending years trying to move on from the experience the subject of why this happened is bound to come up once or twice.

Also I believe understanding why something happened is important in preventing it from happening again. My parents made every decision for me from birth till about age 25. I will not make the mistake of trying to control every aspect of my sons life, even if I think I know what is best. If I ever fall into the snare of a ~~cult~~ religion again, I want him to say 'screw you mom, i'm not joining' (well maybe not in those exact words). lol

flower

Who do you blame for the time you wasted as a DUB?

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