Myself for not investigating things more thoroughly and doing things for family unity - but I try not to get into the balme game -- it is self-destructive and non-healing IMHO - it achieves little - Jehovah will sort it out in his own due time and the evil slave that resides in Brooklyn will pay
Who do you blame for the time you wasted as a DUB?
by Thunder Rider 66 Replies latest jw friends
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cyber-sista
Still thinking about this one. Some of you blamed and some of you felt as if blame was not the thing to do. Being rather new here and still sorting, so how do you get past the blame? I still feel like blaming as I stated in my above post. I just can't get past that right now. I feel like a victim and in some of the posts people blamed themselves. Is this not like a person who has been abused or molested as a child who is made to feel as if they are the ones to blame. I feel abused and molested (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) by the WT society--therefore I feel like a victim and I blame the perpetuators of my abuse. It is hard for me to sort this one out. Maybe I don't know what the true meaning of blame is. Do we blame cruel dictators for their inhumanities--or do we say there is no one to blame? Try telling that to a concentration camp survivor. Extreme example, I know. But how do you get your head around this one? I am just asking because I don't know
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seeitallclearlynow
Hi Cyber,
I agree that the Watchtower Society carries a ton of guilt for all the wrongs they have done, for their bloodguilt, for their arrogance, lies, lack of concern for the very people they claim to be responsible for; I just don't feel like blaming them "for the time I wasted as a DUB."
I don't blame myself either, though I agree with stillajwexelder in that I WISH I had been the kind of person who bothers to really look into things the way we obviously needed to before we got involved with such a destructive, artificial, high control group as Jehovah's Witnesses. But I wasn't that type, and I didn't do it for decades.
Shall I now beat myself up even more for not doing that? I know I was under mind control. And I know that many here are not mentally or otherwise lazy, and they didn't do it either. So I forgive myself for that.
Hating or blaming the Society is appropriate, but like one healthcare professional pointed out to us at a seminar recently, some of us tend to figuratively eat a little poison daily, the poison being hate or blame, and secretly hope "the other person dies from it."
Now that is something my mother taught me all my life, but I never was able to apply it. I still hated and blamed often. Constantly. All kinds of situations. All it got me was poor health and poor relationships.
So while I know how evil the Society is, I also know why I got involved with it. I'm from semi-educated, moderately intelligent, highly abusive, immoral, alcoholic white trash, who come from abusive, dysfunctional families themselves. Chances were that I would not do well. And I was drawn to the seemingly clean, orderly, hope-filled JW Organization.
Was I harmed? Maybe. I know others were. But most of the harm that came to me happened before I was ever baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Am I sorry that my children are Jehovah's Witnesses? Yes. But are they ok? Yes. Are they happy? Yes. My daughter is recently married to a very caring soul mate and she is healthy and happy. My son is very talented and active in many directions and is currently very happily enjoying his first European vacation with a brother from his congregation and has good career prospects when he returns.
So I go with the flow. What else can I do?
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blacksheep
Is this not like a person who has been abused or molested as a child who is made to feel as if they are the ones to blame. I feel abused and molested (mentally, spiritually, emotionally) by the WT society--therefore I feel like a victim and I blame the perpetuators of my abuse. It is hard for me to sort this one out.
You make an excellent point. For me, I continue to harbor resentment and blame my mother/father because they are still doing what they have done. There was never any admission or acknowlegement; in fact I'M still the problem. They persist in believing they are wonderful parents, and even are highly judgemental of OTHER parents in our extended family. It's like I've been abused/molested, and they continue with the charade.
I don't think you can necessarily get past that. And I DON'T think you are obligated to forgive them.
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Nadsam
I blame the WTBTS because their primary tactic in trapping me for so long was emotinal blackmail
Nadsam
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Rabbit
Sassy:
The only one I blame is the ones who started it, who knew they were not directed by God but took the credit and who kept passing the torch on to someone else to do the same..
I gotta agree, the ones who started it were very manipulative people who had a clever ability to influence others.
My maternal grandparents is where it started with my family. I don't really blame them. They got in over their heads before they knew it...just like each of us! Once they were "in", just like us...they discovered (when questions & problems came up...) "JW's can check-in, but, they can't check-out." They felt "stuck and trapped" so they stayed, believing they were 'doing the right thing.'
This cycle has to be stopped somewhere...somehow. That's why most of us are here...I hope my decendants will forgive me for helping them be 'born' into this tradgedy. At least they'll see I tried...
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Thunder Rider
Blacksheep,
Forgivness is highly over rated. Never forget!
Thunder ==}>>>>>>>>>>>>>