Blog in honour of my Stepmom

jgnat

Myrna, my beloved stepmom, was diagnosed with breast cancer early this year. In typical fashion, she let us all know what was happening in her life, informed herself of the options, and calmly determined her course of treatment. It was a very small lump, and it looks like all of it was removed.

The next tough part is to get through the chemo treatments. She is on round three. I want to do my best for her, but it is hard, since the best I can do is keep my distance (don't bring any foreign viruses her way), and let dad be her strength. When in crisis, I am a let's-get-cracking kind of girl. I can't stand to stand by and do nothing. My best friend gave me a great idea. I have decided to let her know how special she is to me by making up small notecards telling her how much she means to me, and delivering them regularly to her mailbox.

Now.

To set down to write.

I have avoided this task nearly all weekend, by tooling around JWD instead. I have decided to resign myself to the JWD addiction by allowing my random thoughts to pour out here, and polish them up later.

Besides, I write better with an audience.

myself

((((((((((((((jgnat & Myrna & family))))))))))))))))))

codeblue

So sorry to hear about your step-mom. Sounds like your plan of writing to her is a good one!!! That will surely brighten her day too!

Hugs to ya,

Codeblue

jgnat

Where to start? Dad introduced me to Myrna at the mall, when they were still dating. She pulled me aside and confidentially told me of a surprise she had waiting for dad . He was getting a singing Valentine at work. We giggled together, "He will be SO EMBARRASSED!" As quick as that, Myrna embraced me in to her family circle.

The few times I have tried to explain how much she means to me, Myrna was quick to point out that, "I can be a real B**** sometimes!" Myrna doesn't take any crap. Doesn't matter, she still means the world to me.

Dating Myrna was one of the bravest things my dad has done. When she was leaving her alcoholic first husband, dad approached her at work saying he knew what she was going through, and offered to give her a listening ear. Way to go dad! Myrna raised his standard of living instantly. An excellent cook and lifetime Weight Watcher, she balanced dad's diabetic meals out with efficiency and skill. Dad's payback was to run to the store at a moment's notice. And the dishes. Our side of the family is fiercly independent, almost standoffish. Especially after the divorce, dad was drifing in to a solitary life, and we rarely heard from him. That changed pretty D*** quick when Myrna showed up. Holidays are marked, we are invited to share their table.

talesin

{{{jgnat}}}

Myrna sounds like a marvelous womyn. A joyous joining of families!

The notes will bring you to be with her. A wise choice.

Sending healing energy to you and yours.

talesin

jgnat

As special as she is to me, I can't call her mom. Yet.

My natural mom is alive and kicking. My lips just won't form the words for Myrna while she is still around. In a way, though, I have already grieved all that I lost with my natural mom, burying the memories of what she used to be. My natural mom lives with bipolar disorder. I remember visiting her blurry self in the hospital after her first nervous breakdown. I was thirteen. The mom that raised me never came home after that. I raged at her for years for abandoning me like that. I resented the premature "parental" burden, that I became the one neighbours called when she got out of control. I witnessed the cowardice of professionals (both legal and medical) who prefer to have "family" deal with the ugly stuff. I dreaded that she may have shared her genetic heritage with me, as her mother had before her. Would my mind go unbound in my middle age, even as my body trooped on? The horror drove me to cultivate sanity. I eventually came to peace with what my mom has become, but I had to bury the memories of what she once was.

..and here comes Myrna, a woman who has been "mom" for most of her life. She raised many of her own siblings, the second oldest in a large family. Living dirt-poor on the farm, Myrna stubbornly refused the outside work. So her mom, in exhasperation, gave her the kitchen. Lucky for all of us.

galaxy7

have decided to let her know how special she is to me by making up small notecards telling her how much she means to me, and delivering them regularly to her mailbox

That will be the best therapy for your stepmom, how kind you are. I hope everything goes well

seeitallclearlynow

jgnat, I'm very happy and very sad at the same time hearing your story.

So glad your wonderful stepmom is all right and that she came into your lives.

So sad to know how hard it is to live with the painful knowledge that your Mom is not "all right."

I do wish you and your family the very best in comfort and love.

jgnat

Myrna, why you are special to me.

As soon as we met, you welcomed me in to your warm circle

You put a sparkle in my dad?s eye

A hated food never hits the table, once you find out!

All year you look out for that special gift for each one of us.

Your gifts match my heart.

The events you love - family around the table - warm greetings - flow love back in to us.

You are mom to me in every way that matters.

jgnat

Myrna, on the odd time I tried to get sappy on you, you laughed and said, ?I can be a real Bitch sometimes!?

You don?t take it lying down. If you see something is not right, you speak up. That has caused sparks, I am sure, with my dad, who is not used to being proved wrong.

Your example taught me volumes on how I can stick up for myself.

Thank you for showing me how to be strong.

Blog in honour of my Stepmom

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