by jgnat 69 Replies latest jw friends
It has been so touching to get all your notes of condolence and well-wishes. I was thinking how I might explain to Myrna how broad-across-the-world that care is. What do you think if I made up a map and showed her all the places in the world that people have sent a prayer and well-wishes her way?
I mean, I don't have to give away who is where, but I bet that would touch her.
jgnat, it would be an absolute privilage to live just round the corner from you so that we could come and give you a real hug and support and help in anyway we could. I'm not the worlds best praying man but I'll be saying one for you and your family there.
Brummie
Words fail me.
I'm with BigT....I never know what to say. I've been watching this thread though.......so sorry.
Hugs,
Gumby
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I'm really sorry to hear this sad news, jgnat, and I hope for the best for all of you.
Brummie, I AM privileged to be within hugging distance of Concerned Mama. That night dad called me with the diagnosis was one of the loneliest I have ever experienced. My honey was at his meeting. My daughter was not at home. I left a message with Concerned Mama, who had to wrestle the phone away from her teenage children. I broadcast my pain, and JWD responded. Then Concerned Mama called, and I was comforted. Then my honey came home and he got a snuffly soggy squeeze.
?sokay, gumby. I never know what to say either. And I so hate platitudes.
Oh my goodness, seeitall, those are lovely images, thank you!
J - I'm really sorry. Poor gal. I'm glad you are making sure for her and you that she knows just how loved she is by you.
I recently listened to an NPR story about nurses in a cancer ward that all said they would rather die from cancer than anything else. Which really struck me as ODD. But the reason was that cancer allowed the patients and family to all set things straight. To show all the love they had and to come together in ways that other methods of passing would not allow. Families of course were torn, but at least not regretful for not having the chance to show their love.
When I last saw my Grandfather (who adopted me and was my legal father) , I was leaving for overseas. I gave him a hug goodbye and started for the car - but something made me feel I should give him another hug - so I stopped walked back and gave him another long hug goodbye. He died months later and that silly gesture has left me with a bit of peace that he really knew how much he meant to me and I had showed it in our final moment together. It comforts me, as he was deaf and couldn't read so writing him or talking to him on the phone just wasn't possible.
So in the mess that you are in I'm glad you are able to really show what your step-mom means to you.
Thanks, confusedjw. Just from what I have seen, being able to say a proper goodbye is really important. I will be sure to take full advantage of the time I have.
I just got a report from dad. Myrna can't leave the hospital yet, the procedure that was supposed to dry up the extra fluid around her lungs didn't work. So she is stuck at hospital until that is under control. She hates sponge baths.
I visited Myrna last night, so I am able to pass on some news. The cancer is in the body cavity fluids, that is why there is nothing to operate on. She spent four hours having various x-rays and images done yesterday. They are still looking for any sign the cancer has landed anywhere. The pressure of the building fluids around her lungs is what is making it hard for her to breathe, and so far, they have been unable to stop the fluids from building. As long as these fluids build, she will have to remain in the hospital. It has made her suddenly frail.
I shared a poem that a treasured co-worker gave me just yesterday, my co-worker lost her grandma just this past week,
A strong woman
is one who feels deeply
and loves fiercely.
Her tears flow just
as abundantly as her laughter.
She is not afraid to be afraid.
A strong woman
is both soft and powerful.
She takes compliments to heart
and treats herself
like the queen that she is.
A strong woman
is equally visionary and decisive.
She is able to hope
when things look hopeless.
She is both practical and spiritual.
A strong woman in her essence
is a gift to all the world.
Thinking of you
because you're
a woman who shows
what it takes to be one
Myrna started to cry as she read it, "I am so tired of being the strong one." Then she recovered and chatted about whether she could pull off Christmas this year. She loves the season so. She selects the best gifts for everyone in her family circle. I think she loves Christmas so much because she gains so much pleasure for giving. ...and that is being robbed from her this year, she has no strength. And she doesn't trust dad to do it right. I suggested that maybe the daughters could take over, but Myrna really wondered if she could handle very many visitors. I guess you could say we wavered between optimism and practical fatalism.
I told her about people all over the world praying for her, and she was fascinated.
Myrna is out of the hospital! ...and booked for cancer treatment this coming Friday. She is very, very tired, so she asked that I limit my visit to thirty minutes. Still, it warmed my heart to see her bundled up in her favorite easy chair, rather than the hospital bed. She looks so much more at home. Myrna took courage from her bed partner at the hospital, who is in her seventies, and has been fighting a similar cancer for many years. The lady is full of spunk and laughter, and Myrna figures, hey, why not me too? She says she would like to make it at least to 65, or maybe 70. "At least now I know I won't fade away slowly to a frail old lady." I found out a bit more about what might be happening. Likely the cancer she has now is related to the tiny lump they removed this past spring. Dad says one of the types of cancer they found in the lump has a bad habit of attaching itself in to the blood stream. Which is why they decided to go through an aggressive round of chemotherapy over the summer.
Sounds like they didn't catch it all. Like dad says, "Sneaky little buXXers." (To my fellow poster-buddies in the UK, this invective does not carry the same punch here in Canada). Also, dad wants you all to know that the Cross Cancer Institute is in the top four treatment centres in North America. Only places like the Mayo Clinic have it beat.
I got a chance to talk to my Myrna-mom on Friday. She was exhausted. After her appointment at the Cross Cancer Institute, she and my dad accompanied a niece to the hospital until her mom could get there. Myrna ended up sitting in emergency with her neice for three hours. On Friday, Myrna was given her options for treatment, and she picked "the sooner, the better". She goes for her first chemo treatment on Monday. She is dreading the "low" that always follows, will it be six days after, or seven? But she dreads dying prematurely worse. As she told the nurse at the Cross, "I have grandchildren I need to see grow up!" Myrna has also decided to join a support group to help keep her spirits up. I mentioned the books I thought would be most helpful, about the power of hope, and Myrna said "You don't need to, I have them already." She talked about her spirituality, how she believes in an afterlife, but sees no need for church, and I agreed that what she believes suits her just fine.
For now, I have to stay away. I have caught a horrid cold. A real bummer, Myrna is also scheduled for Chemo on December 24.
