Do Abused Children Tend To Be Abusive Adults???

bikerchic

Statistically yes.

Do a google search and you will be surprised at what you find out about abuse. I mean what kind of abuse are you talking about anyway? Sexual, emotional, neglect, physical abuse?

Being that we come from dysfunctional families (I dare you to show me a completely functionally family), we can only do what we've been taught. True some of us may know on a conscious level and do our best to not be abusive, when push comes to shove ie; under stress our sub-conscious kicks in and we cope how we were taught by our parents to cope. Life can get ugly.

I'm sure Lady Lee if she sees this thread will have some better thoughts on it more cohesive than mine.

Kate

minimus

ok....well, if everyone's from a dysfunctional family then everyone must experience some type of abuse. Then everyone would tend to be abusive, somewhat, right?

blondie

If you are discussing only sexual abuse, I found these statements:

Ironically,

only a small percentage of men abused as boys become pedophiles , said Hunter. However, an overwhelming percentage of pedophiles of either gender were sexually abused as children.

In his book "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse," psychologist and therapist Mic Hunter

Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome" that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse

, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/myths.htm

Dr. Berlin, an expert in pedophilia, said both nature and nurture appear to play a role in causing the disorder.

Being abused as a child is considered a risk factor, but the majority of sexually abused children do not become pedophiles , he said.

Dr. Fred S. Berlin, an associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins University's school of medicine in Baltimore.

Big Tex

Main Entry: dys·func·tion
Pronunciation: (")dis-'f&[ng](k)-sh&n
Function: noun
: impaired or abnormal functioning
- dys·func·tion·al / -shn&l, -sh&-n & l / adjective

A dysfunctional family is one that doesn't work. Not everyone comes from such a family. There are many, maybe even the majority, familes that are functional, i.e. that work. There is a big difference between a famliy that is loving, but flawed, and one that is abusive and dysfunctional. Two fathers might lose their temper, but one would yell, the other would hit. One would accept responsibility, apologize (thereby teaching the child how to accept responsibility for mistakes and how to correct them), while the other would continue to act out rage, or ridicule the child for crying, or any one of a number of other cruel behaviors.

As far as abused children becoming abusive adults, in my opinion, it is all about choice. Growing up in an abusive home, all children are angry, ashamed and fearful, but it is what they do with those emotions that defines what kind of adult they become. One might act out that abuse, embrace the anger, turn the fear into self-pity and become the monster they hate. Another might not have the courage to face it, or lack the tools (and desire) to face what they went through, and so deny it. These people will stuff it all down, maybe turning to to drugs or alcohol or work to bury it, but it pops up when they rage at traffic, or burst into tears at a news story. The last is one who chooses to deal with it, goes into therapy, and hurts like hell until it gradually gets better. The anger, shame and fear begin to recede, and the lessons they learn they pass on.

Forgive me, but this is a broad over simplification of a complex problem. But I hope it gives an idea that humans are intelligent, reasoning and multi-layered creatures. We are not 'slotted' just because of one experience. It is the decisions we make that define who we are.

LyinEyes

Big Tex said.....

There is a big difference between a famliy that is loving, but flawed, and one that is abusive and dysfunctional.

That is so true. There is no perfect families . There are very many flawed ones ,but I think when we talk about abused children,we are talking about more than an occasional parental outburst or mistake.

As adult we have many people who hurt us , hurt us deeply, but they ask forgiveness and we forgive and move on. If someone hurts us over and over again,,,,,as adults we can walk away. Granted that is always easy for grown children of abuse, because they want to please everyone much of the time.

But as abused children , we were not just hurt , physically, mentally, just a few times in our lives.....it was an everyday thing. Over time, a child's spirit will be crushed realizing that there is no way out , and it forever takes away the person we might had been if not for the abuse.

As children we take in everything our parents do and say. When the family is so dyfunctional that there is so much negative emotions you grow up fighting all the time those same feelings.

Example.........on a very personal level,,,,,my mother was addicted to pain pills. I watched her for so many years,,,,,when things got really bad for her, she would just get pills and go to sleep.

So many times, I have wanted to do the same thing. Exhausted, confused, depressed, or whatever problem I felt was too much, I just wanted to go to sleep like she did. Sometimes I still do,,,,,,,,but I know how it hurt me as a child, I know all that was lost between she and I , and how badly it ended for her. I don't want to follow in her path of self destruction. I have the strength to fight those urges,,,,,,,,but they are there.

I never wanted to spank my children, because I was afraid I would beat them as my father beat me. I know there is a big difference in spankings and beatings, and that is a whole other discussion.

But my point is as adult abused children,,,,,we don't always know exactly what "normal" emotions are because we are very injured souls. As Big Tex said, we may not beat our children, but many times, we have rage issues, anger. We may just channel that learned aggressive behavoir in other ways,,,towards others, towards ourselves and our general outlook on life.

It is all about choice, and alot of work at making what happened to you , not totally destory you.

waiting

There was a study done some time ago on prisoners on Death Row at a particularly large jail....I think approx. 20 condemned murders - most of them violent.

Not all of them were sexually abused as children.

ALL OF THE MURDERERS had been from violent, abusive families.

Now, another study might not show this total agreement, but most researchers agree (imo) - violence begets violence....but not always.

waiting

minimus

I tend to think MOST people come from dysfunctional families. It's unusual to not have a major dysfunction affecting you, esp. if you were ever a Witness.

frankiespeakin

I grew up with an abusive father who was exactly 20 old only 9 days before I was born.

He had spent 2 years in reform school for beating up a guy so bad he nearly died. My father had a great big ego,, and could be as a fearless hunter of pray,, he seemed to tolerate pain very well and would do foolish things just to prove his bravery... But mostly he was a very loveable guy that would bend over backwards to help people,, partly for ego and partly disintrested love. So I learned to tollerate these very different ways my dad could be,, because you love your parents,,and they love you.

I think my present life has been affected by my past life,,but not so much as in a bad way,,but more like in a good way,,because life is what it is it's the hand that predestination has given you,,and you must play the hand all the way out,,perhaps you might get luck once in awhile and then unlucky other times,,maybe you learn a stratagy that give you more luck???

Maybe some painful things in life make you very wise for the present,,may be not,,all depends if you find right perspective on past pain.

Mary

I took a course in Pychology last year and I asked the Professor this very question. He said that the estimates are that about 50% of sexually abused children grown up to be pedophiles themselves. I was quite surprised, as I expected it to be closer to something like 90%.

Do Abused Children Tend To Be Abusive Adults???

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