Do Abused Children Tend To Be Abusive Adults???

by minimus 47 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  minimus

  I'm not just talking about peds.
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  kls

  I can only answer for my brother and my two sisters and me. There is so many different kinds of abuse that a person can suffer through as a child and reabuse as a adult maybe not on others but on themselves. Both my parents abused us from babies . The physical and mental abuse did not carry on to us kids to reaflick on our own children.but both my parents were drunks and my brother is also. The after math of growing up in a hell hole is that my sisters and myself chose wrong and cruel people to marry, they as i have little self worth.This is something( my kids now grown ) have never felt.
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  Insomniac

  No easy answers. I won't ever have children, for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons, however, is that I honestly don't know how to be a parent. I'm afraid that one day I'd hit my child and not be able to stop. I've never been violent, but I don't want to take the risk. I love kids too much to take the risk of hurting one of them.
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  Lady Lee

  Effects of Domestic Violence on Children

  In general, 70% of men who abuse their female partners also abuse their children. (Arbitrell Bowker and McFerron, "On the Relationship Between Wife Beating and Child Abuse", Feminist Perspectives an Wife Abuse, Kersti Yllo and Michelle Bogard, eds. 1988)

  Nearly 70% of the children who go to shelters for battered women are victims of abuse or neglect. (Jean I Layzer. Barbara D. Goodson and Christine Delange "Children in Shelters", Response. Volume 9, Number 2, 1986)

  3.3 million children in the United States, between ages 3 and 17 years, are yearly at risk of exposure to marital violence. (Peter Jaffe, David Wolfe and Susan Kaye Wilson (1990) "Children of Battered Women." Newbury Park. CA: Sage Publications)

  Studies of abused children in the general population reveal that nearly half of them have mothers who are also abused, making wife abuse the single strongest identifiable risk for child abuse. (Lenore Walker, Ed.d "The Battered Woman Syndrome," New York: Springer Publishing Company, IDC. 1979)

  In 1992, an estimated 1,261 children died from abuse or neglect. This means that more than 3 children died each day in the United States as a result of maltreatment. ( National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse, 1993)

  In a study of juvenile offenders, 63% of those incarcerated for murder had killed the men who had beaten their mothers. (Peggy Sissel. Public Education Coordinator with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

  A comparison of delinquent and non delinquent youth found that a history of family violence or abuse was the most significant difference between the two groups. (G. Miller (1989) "Violence By and Against America's Children", Journal of Juvenile Justice Digest, XVII (12). p.6)

  Boys who witness family violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than are boys raised in non-violent homes. Girls who witness their mother's abuse have a higher rate of being battered as adults. ("Battered Families...Shattered Lives", Georgia Department of Human Resources. Family Violence Teleconference Resources Manual, January 1992)

  Children in homes where domestic violence occurs are physically abused or seriously neglected at a rate 1500% higher than the national average in the general population. (National Woman Abuse Prevention Project, Washington, D.C.)

  As violence against women becomes more severe and more frequent in the home, children experience a 300% increase in physical violence by the male batterer. (M Strauss and R. Gelles, "Physical Violence in American Families." 1990)

  Children from violent families can provide clinicians with detailed accounts of abusive incidents their parents never realized they had witnessed. (Peter Jaffe, David Wolfe and Susan Kaye Wilson (1990) Children of Battered Women. Newbury Park. CA: Sage Publications)

  Batterers may abduct their children as a way of retaliating against their former spouses or partners. It has been estimated that in more than half of the kidnappings of children by parents in this country, the abductions occur in the context of domestic violence. In most cases, parents who are searching for their child, abducted by the other parent, are white, female, have reported a history of domestic violence and are the custodial parent. (Geoffrey Greif and Rebecca Hegar, "When Parents Kidnap: The Families Behind the Headlines", 272, 1992)

  Sixty-two percent of sons over age 14 were injured when they attempted to protect their mothers from attacks by abusive male partners. Interviews with children living in battered women's shelters show that, within a one year period, 85% of these children had stayed twice with friends or relatives, and 75% over
  age 15 had run away at least twice. (Maria Roy, "Children in the Crossfire," 1988)

  In homes where domestic violence occurs, fear, instability, and confusion replace the love, comfort, and nurturing that children need. These children live in constant fear of physical harm from the person who is supposed to care for and protect them. They may feel guilt at loving the abuser or blame themselves for causing the violence. ("Domestic Violence, Understanding A Community Problem", National Woman Abuse Prevention Fund)
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  Lady Lee

  What's It Like for Children to Grow Up in Violent Homes?

  Chaos

  The children may never know what to expect at home. Their parents' moods can change instantly from loving to enraged.

  Fear and Tension

  The daily anger and violence create a living nightmare for the children. They may grow up being afraid of everything and trusting no one.

  Danger

  Often, they're the intended victim of one or both parents. Other times, they get caught in the middle and are hurt -- or killed -- "by accident."

  Confusion

  The children often receive mixed messages. For example: At school, they learn that hitting is wrong. At home, however, they learn that hitting is used to solve problems and keep a person in line.

  Isolation

  Often, an abusive parent shuts off the family from the outside world, and the children may withdraw from their peers and other adults, too.

  Hopelessness

  The children often blame themselves for the violence, but they may feel powerless to prevent, stop or escape from it.

  Development of Love-Hate Relationship

  They may feel protective of an abused parent, but they may also resent him or her for not stopping the abuse.

  Sometimes, they may feel close to the abuser; other times, they may hope he or she goes away or dies.

  They may feel guilty for not being able to rescue their family -- or not loving someone who is abusive.

  How Family Violence Affects Children. A Scriptographic Product. 1996 "Domestic Violence and its Silent Witnesses." Child Advocate Fall 1994. Mindee Scott CAPSA Children's Service Coordinator
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  Lady Lee

  The Impact on Children Witnessing Parental Violence

  One study demonstrated that some fathers deliberately arrange for the children to witness the violence. (Violence Against Wives New York: Free Press (1979))

  Girls whose fathers batter their mothers are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually assaulted by their fathers than are girls from non-violent homes. (Perspectives On Wife Abuse Newbury Park, CA: Sage)

  Seventy-five percent of the boys who witness parental abuse have demonstrable behavioral problems. (Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science Review Vol. 4, pp. 356-366)

  A comparison of delinquents and non-delinquent youth found that a history of family violence or abuse was the most significant difference between the two groups. (Journal of Juvenile Justice Digest Vol. 2, p. 6)

  In one study, 85 percent of the children witnessing domestic violence admitted to a drinking problem which started as early as age 11; 2 percent at age 9. (Children in the Crossfire: Violence in the home. How does it affect our children? Health Communications, Inc. 53-164)

  Being abused or neglected as a child increased the likelihood of arrest as a juvenile by 53 percent, as an adult by 38 percent, and for a violent crime by 38 percent. (National Institute of Justice (NIJ). Research in Brief, Oct. (1993))

  Children from violent families can proved clinicians with detailed accounts of abusive incidents their parents never realized they had witnessed. (Children of Battered Women: Issues in Child Development and Intervention Planning Newbury Park, CA: Sage (1990))

  In comparing children not exposed to violence as contrasted to children who witnessed violence and children who both witness and are abused, data suggests that the latter two groups are most comparable and have heightened behavioral and emotional distress compared to the former. ("Witnessing Spouse Abuse and Experiencing Physical Violence: A 'Double-Whammy'" Journal of Family Violence Vol. 2)

  Boys who have witnessed domestic violence are three times more likely to hit their wives than those who have not. ("Women Battering, Child Abuse, and Social Heredity: What is the Relationship?" Marital Violence, (1985))

  In homes where espousal abuse occurs, children are abused at a rate 1,500 times higher than the national average. (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (1993) "Facts on Domestic Violence" (brochure) Washington D.C.)

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  Domestic Violence and Its Potential Effect on Children

  It is normal for a child of domestic violence to manifest a multitude of symptoms. Below are some common emotional, cognitive, behavioral, social and physical effects of abuse.

  Emotional

  • Shame, guilt and self blame -- "I caused it" or "I should have been able to stop it."
  • Grief for family and personal losses.
  • Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents.
  • Fear of abandonment, of expressing emotions, of the unknown, and/or personal injury.
  • Anger about violence and the chaos in their lives.
  • Depression, feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.
  • Embarrassed by the effects of abuse and the dynamics at home.

  Behavioral (May be seen in opposite extremes)

  • Acting out versus withdrawing, aggressive versus passive.
  • Overachiever versus underachiever.
  • Refusal to go to school.
  • Care taking, more concern for others than self, acting as a parent substitute.
  • Lying to avoid confrontation, pretending everything is OK to avoid problems.
  • Rigid defenses (aloof, sarcastic, defensive, "black and white" thinking).
  • Excessive attention seeking, often using extreme behaviors.
  • Bed wetting and nightmares.
  • Out of control behavior, not able to set own limits or follow directions.
  • Reduced intellectual competency.
  • Manipulation, dependency, mood swings.

  Social

  • Isolation from friends and relatives.
  • Relationships that are frequently stormy, start intensely and end abruptly.
  • Difficulty trusting, especially adults.
  • Poor anger management and problem solving skills.
  • Excessive social involvement to avoid home life.
  • Passivity with peers or bullying toward peers, play with peers gets exceedingly rough.
  • Engaged in exploitative relationships, either as perpetrator or victim.

  Physical

  • Somatic complaints, headaches and stomach aches.
  • Nervous, anxious, and short attention spans, frequently misdiagnosed as being Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.
  • Tired and lethargic.
  • Frequently ill.
  • Poor personal hygiene.
  • Regression in development, thumb sucking, etc., depending on age.
  • Desensitization to pain.
  • High risk play and activities.
  • Self abuse.
  • Adolescent eating disorders, substance abuse, suicide, delinquency.
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  blondie

  That's a pretty high percentage, Mary. Do you know what study(ies) he was quoting from? I have worked in law enforcement/corrections off and on over the last 25 years and we found that while the majority of pedophiles were sexually abused as children, that the majority children who were sexually abused did not grow up to be pedophiles. You might be interested into looking at the site below and the works of the two psychiatrist/psychologists mentioned.

  Ironically, only a small percentage of men abused as boys become pedophiles, said Hunter. However, an overwhelming percentage of pedophiles of either gender were sexually abused as children.

  In his book "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse," psychologist and therapist Mic Hunter

  http://www.malesurvivor.org/Fay%20Honey%20Knopp/FHKHunter.htm

  http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0449906299/104-2196871-7309536?v=glance

  Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome" that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

  This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

  http://www.malesurvivor.org/myths.htm

  Dr. Berlin, an expert in pedophilia, said both nature and nurture appear to play a role in causing the disorder. Being abused as a child is considered a risk factor, but the majority of sexually abused children do not become pedophiles, he said.

  Dr. Fred S. Berlin, an associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Johns Hopkins University's school of medicine in Baltimore.
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  Undaunted Danny

  A Hard fast rule:"Children grow up to be the Love they have known"

  Should be a bumper sticker

  Look at me mates.
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  Lady Lee

  GROWING CONCERNS: A childrearing question-and-answer column with Martha Erickson of the University of Minnesota.

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  April 15, 2001
  Did you know that over 800,000 children are abused each year in the United States? And those are just the cases that are reported to and confirmed by children's protective services, never mind countless incidents of maltreatment that go unreported. A recent study supported by the Edna McConnell Clark Foundation calculated the cost of child abuse to be 258 million dollars per day. But no dollar amount can begin to reflect the personal cost to the children who suffer such pain and betrayal at the hands of adults who ought to care for them. Since April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, I've decided to use this week's column to tell you some things every American should know about this tragedy that touches so many lives.

  • Although "stranger danger" gets much public attention, most child abuse is perpetrated by parents or other familiar adults. There are effective strategies for helping parents and other caregivers learn to care well for children, but we have not had the societal will to even begin to reach those who need such services.
  • Neglect is the most common form of maltreatment. Although neglect may not leave the visible wounds of overt abuse, the emotional scars are lasting. Longitudinal research, including studies I've done with colleagues at the University of Minnesota, demonstrate that even very subtle emotional neglect - especially in the early years of life - has devastating consequences for children's longterm development. In its most extreme forms, emotional neglect of an infant leads to a condition called "failure to thrive," which is often fatal.
  • Most adults who abuse children were maltreated in their own childhood. However, abuse does not have to be passed on from one generation to the next. Research on individuals who break the intergenerational cycle of abuse points to important protective factors that can make the difference. These include: 1) the presence of at least one caring adult in the child's life; and 2) coming to grips with the pain and trauma of abuse, usually through therapy or a support group.
  • The hopeful message from this research is that how you treat your child is not so much a function of how you were treated in childhood, but how you have come to think about that experience. This means facing the pain you experienced (not sweeping it under the rug), choosing what you want to carry forward from the way you were parented and what you want to leave behind, then mustering all available support to help you act on that choice.

  If you are a parent looking for support to help you give your own child the best possible care (even if you were abused as a child), contact Family Support Roundtable (312-663-3520) for information or help in finding a support group in your area. And, whether or not you are a parent, if you want to know how you can help prevent child abuse, contact Prevent Child Abuse America (1-800-CHILDREN). Preventing child abuse is everyone's business.

  Dr. Martha Farrell Erickson, director of the University of Minnesota's Children, Youth and Family Consortium Growing Concerns, University of Minnesota News Service,
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  Lady Lee

  The good news and the bad news

  Children who were abused or were exposed to abuse do have a higher chance of becoming abusers or becoming a victim again than people who were never exposed to abuse. Studies show that a history of abuse is one of the highest predictors of abuse in their adult lives.

  BUT and his is very important:

  • Many victims/survivors make a conscious choice to not repeat what was done to them.
  • Many make a conscious choice to protect children.
  • Some make a conscious choice to not have children because they fear the cycle of abuse.

  Sexual and violent offenders are most likely to be studied while they are incarcerated. This winds up being a squewed population to study. Studies are also done the parents of abused children but this too is a squewed sample. No one goes out looking for people who were abused as children and are leading non-violent lives.

  Just take a look at the sample here that tells the opposite story - a lot of people here were abused but have made the positive non-violent choices. Granted this too is a squewed sample. But it does tell a very different story.

  The section I highlighted in the last article I posted shows that there is hope to ending the cycle of abuse.