I need some help... (page 4)

Big Tex

Country Girl, hear me.

You have a lot of people who care about you. You are feeling overwhelmed, and justifiably so. You have too much on your plate right now. I've sent you my phone number, and please call. You don't have to, but I would like it very much if you would call, and you can talk to Nina or me with whomever you feel more comfortable.

I know what it feels like to be in the pit, feeling no way out and no relief in sight. Right now, you are having feelings of shame come up, which is why you are saying no one cares. There was a time in your life when that was true, that is NOT true anymore. That is about your extended family, but it does not apply here. Our past has a way of catching up to us sometimes, and it comes out in ways we can't always control. But that past is part of who we are now. Ground yourself in the knowledge that you are not there, and this is not then. You are HERE. This is NOW. You have resources. You have friends who care about you.

You will get through this. It may not feel like that right now, but you are a survivor, which means you are not only intelligent but you are very strong. You will get through this, just take this experience one step at a time. Right now you need to take care of yourself.

Be well,

Chris

Special K

(((( country girl )))

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

I just want to let you know that I care and feel badly that your brother is dieing.

It hurts.

Do you have someone you can call. Help line. local hospital.

How about your doctor.

((( hugs )))

Special K

neverthere

(((((Country Girl))))))))

Please don't leave. You are respected and cared for here. I understand the pain of losing someone you love and though I can't be there physically for you, just like everyone else, I am here for you HERE! If you want to pm me go ahead. If you want to talk to us all go for it.

Rant, yell, rave, cry, scream, do whatever you want, just remember we are here for you, just like you have been here for us.

Bright Blessings

Diana

blacksheep

((((Countrygirl)))) You can always turn to us on this board. Not that it's near what you are experiencing, but my husband just buried his brother--he was quite young. I didn't know the man well--he lives far away, but I found myself highly upset and emotional about it, nevertheless.

Please send me a message if you feel like it. You are not alone. Don't feel that you are weak. You are HUMAN, and you are going through a tough time. You NEED to turn to others for support.

arrowstar

(((((((((CountryGirl)))))))))))

oh hon...I'm here. ...and by golly....I'll find that phone number somehow.

Lisa

Shutterbug

Thanks for the responses. I am so sad. It doesn't really matter what I do. Everything's alright as long as you respond to this post. This will be my last night here. I have never really been welcome here, and I feel as sad as when I posted that. I have no one to talk to cuz no one understands me.. I'm just like an old pair of shoes

Athene, as you can see there is a boatload of support here. Also, in my humble and unprofessonial opinon, you are a long way from the "nuthouse." However, if you feel in need of professional help, by all means, get it, now !!

Most of us here have lost one or more loved ones in our lives so we can understand what you are going thru, and are willing to do anything we can to help. Please stick around and keep us informed.

Country Girl

I didn't mean I was going to leave the board, just sometimes the world. I really had a bad time last night. My friend made me go over to her house and we talked for a long while. How could a person leave you guys? I'd just come back and post under the name "Ghost Girl". My avatar would be a picture of well.. nothing. heh. Maybe a pair of glasses floating in mid-air? Or a cigarette?

I left home because it was so lonely to be here. I didn't know I'd come back in the morning to all the PMs of people who offered support, love and encouragement. All of you are very special people.. It's so overwhelming. I have some numbers I can call if I get that bad again. It's a roller coaster right now. At least the animals are fed today so one more day under my belt. sigh......

I've just made a mess of everything. I was so upset yesterday that I cut off my whole family. I know I shouldn't have done that, but the rage just surfaced and it was like trying to stuff my thumb in a small hole while all the water came rushing over the dam over me. I guess I thought if I could make them "hate" me, they'd never call me again and I wouldn't have to deal with anything. Just putting it aside, I suppose, for now.

The one thing my JW brother has always done is call and ask about us. He has always called and talked to me, asking about the family and the animals, and his nephew. For all the fights I've had with him, we've always just gotten over it and things went on like they always did. We argued when we were kids, and we still argue as adults. For those of you in Italian or Greek families, I'm sure you understand this. I hate to see my Father cry. I hate to see any pain for anyone... I just wish this never happened.. any of it. Wishing won't make it go away, though. It's just hard to think I'm soon going to lose another one.... Maybe he'll get a transplant and he'll get better. I pray he will. I am going to never try to fight with him again, if God would grant me this one favor.

We were all we had when we were little kids. I was a little Mother to those guys, and it's like losing a kid. I guess I kind of think that this is stupid to post because it's hard to ask for help. I've always done everything for myself. I don't understand all the anger I feel, it's really irrational sometimes. I've been to counselors before, but it really hasn't helped much in the end. I guess I just am what I am.

Anyway, I just want to say I am *very* grateful for all the love and support I have gotten from ya'll. I just hope that I am worthy enough to pay it forward the next time. Ya'll have a way of wormin yer way into a gal's heart. I am okay right now, but who knows a few hours from now.. I just don't know. It's just one step in front of the other for now. There's light at the end of the tunnel for sure, thank God it's not new light. I can't imagine a better place to be than here. Well, maybe paradise... er.. never mind. Only if it had lots of waterfalls of beer, muscle-e cabana boys, and lots of friends like you.

All my love, really....

CG

calamityjane

((((Country Girl))))))))). Thinking of you.

I hope you have a better day today.

love

cj

Country Girl

Welp, I am dealing with the aftermath of yesterday now. I really do some destructive shit sometimes. Talk about burning bridges.. I've burned every footbridge, hanging bridge, cement bridge or London bridge that I've ever crossed. Brother's still in the hospital and is still incoherent. He says be wants to be "with his brothers" but I think that's not with his biological brothers, his JW brothers. That's cool, that's what is. It's real and it's what is being dealt at this time. I just hope to God that this brain virus, or whatever it is, runs it's course and we can have him back, at least for a little while.

Family has written me, and they are so forgiving and loving. I hate that I put them through so much crap yesterday. They say I am too sensitive. Yeah.. I guess I am. I guess that is what is mostly the problem. I've always been the artist of the family, and I've always been the most sensitive and overreactive. I've always marched to my own drummer.. and sometimes I feel odd, and unwelcome. My family, even though I was confrontive and harsh with them, have been very tolerant and forgiving. Even my really arrogant brother, who really can't stand criticism, actually apologized and understood how I felt. I've always felt odd and left out.. but it was because I am odd. I hate that word.. but it's what I am. Perhaps I should just live with it. I'm just really different. I hate it, but then I don't.

I'm just grateful he's alive today, and that I have him one more day. Insomniac knows him and knows what a really wonderful person he is. He does some crazy stuff sometimes, but he really loves his family. He's JW, but he's just caught by them.. and when, and if, I see him in heaven.. I am gonna kick his fanny. Well, maybe nudge him with my harp a little bit.... Mostly I will just hug his neck and be glad to see him again. I promise that I will *never* be angry or harsh to my family again.... I don't want to lose anyone..

country girl

Satans little helper

(((CG))) sorry to hear your news, losing someone close is heart breaking, even more so when you feel helpless because they are still in the thrall of this cult. Keep your chin up babe

I need some help...

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