I need some help...

by Country Girl 45 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  xenawarrior

  (((((((CG)))))))))))

  I'm glad you are feeling a little bit better today. A little bit at this point might be a lot.

  And I don't think you are too sensitive. You are sensitive but what really is "too much"? Someone else's idea of too much based on their own way of dealing with things? Don't worry about that part right now because you have enough on your plate to deal with. You don't need to be adding any more "shoulds" to the pile.

  You are a very strong woman and you have been through a great deal in your life in general. And you have evolved into someone who can work things out and "through" and in many cases "fix" things. Lately, you have been faced with some things that you cannot fix no matter what you do. The helplessness that goes along with that can be overwhelming and consuming. But, if you are anything like me, there is still this part of you that is that "fixer" and there must be a way !!! And the brick wall of reality is always there, only causing more of a feeling of helplessness and a total lack of control over life and emotions and ANYTHING.

  Please be gentle with yourself right now. Try not to expect anything from yourself right now And I know it's hard. I've had times in my life when I wanted to just collapse into a puddle and yet I STILL expected too much from myself during those times. "I should be able to handle this or that or whatever" The key world is "should" Throw it away for a time. And as hard as it might be right now- RELY on others for a while. That's what friends are for.

  Much love from the north !!!

  Lisa

  WE'LL WAIT !!!
• 

  Country Girl

  Xena:

  Thanks for taking the time out to write to me. You are right.. I just have to wait and find out. I am perhaps, a bit overreactive. My son just called me, and just kept saying "Mom don['t cry. Mom why are you crying?" He's never heard me cry, which is scary for him. I just can't stop crying.. it won't stop. I never knew there was this much water in the world. It seems like the whole Great Salt Lake is coming through my eyes. I am crying and I just can't stop. Every pain I have ever had is coming through my eyes. Maybe I'm going through menopause or something.. I don'tknow. But it does feel good.. finally, just to let these tears out of my head. A whole lifetime of tears are finally coming out..

  I don't think I'll stop crying for five days yet. I still have plenty of them left. Thank you for being my friend and caring about me so much...

  CG
• 

  talesin

  I'm so relieved to hear from you. *deep breath*

  tal
• 

  Country Girl

  All ya'll have meant a lot to me. Every post was carefully read. I sobbed over every one. I am just a veritable wave machine. If any of you want to hire the Pacific Ocean, I am it. Need a refill of your pool? Just tell me a sob story.... need to irrigate your crop? I'll water yer crop.... no need to waste these valuable tears.

  CG
• 

  Insomniac

  Hell, woman, there is no such thing as "overreactive" or "too sensitive". Humans are supposed to cry and yell and lash out when they're upset. Just watch babies and children- they give free vent to their emotions all the time, until the adults train them not to. It's a form of honesty; trying to hold back tears or anger is bad for your soul. Just try to feel the rest of it- love, happiness, hope- just as intensely as you do the bad stuff.

  Now, you already know this part, but nobody else here does:

  Years ago, sometime in the late 80's, I was at your jw family's house and got talking to you. I don't remember how it came up, but some mention was made of treatment for mental health problems. In the lamest j-dub way imaginable, I said something to the effect of "well, if they just trusted in Jehovah, they wouldn't need these doctors!" Looking back on that day, I'm amazed you didn't smack me! You were cool, though. You quoted some study you'd read that found that witnesses have the highest incidence of mental health problems of any religion. I was skeptical to say the least; it sounded like Satan was making you slander the organization, to lead me astray! You said lots of sensible things over the years, but this turned out to be the crucial one.

  I filed it away under "questionable apostate misinformation" and continued on being a dub. Eventually, still a dub but dating a terrific worldly man (who is now my partner), I started learning to use a computer and internet search engines. Not knowing what else to type in one night, I typed Jehovah's Witness mental health into google or yahoo. And up popped a list of websites- freeminds, virushead.net, silent lambs, etc. After some initial panic (Eeek! Apostate lies!!) I actually read what they had to say.

  Long story short, I'm no longer a witness, but my relationship with the Divine is deeper than ever. I didn't break up with my man, as the elders told me I had to, and marry a witness guy who'd keep me submissive and pregnant; my partner and I are now into our 5th year together. Instead of pioneering to trap more people in that sorry excuse for a religion, I went to college to better myself and the world I live in. Instead of cleaning the hall on Saturdays, I'm doing charity work to help children and animals. I helped my mom free herself from the borg, and I'm working on rescuing my brother and his family now.

  So next time you feel down on yourself, just think of the effect your words and actions have had on this planet. In a very real sense, you saved my life, and I will always be grateful to you for that. Your brothers and sister all know how much you love them, and they love you right back, even when your emotions get hold of you. Don't doubt for a minute that, whatever the next life turns out to be, you'll see your brother again, and he'll be rewarded for all the good things he's done in his life; so will you. You'll be in my prayers tonight, and I send love and blessings to you, and peace and comfort to your brother.
• 

  Country Girl

  Thank you....

  CG