You cannot UNSAY a cruel word

by simplesally 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  simplesally

  It's amazing that people think when they are hurting or angry, that they can say anything they want. And then the next day or week, they can say to you: Oh I was just mad. I was just venting. Those were fighting words.

  Don't people realize that words can cause pain over and over and over? That a scar on my leg may fade and disappear but emotional scars just never heal sometimes. My dad's wife said, before her anger management class, that when she would get mad she would see 'red'. My dad asked her what she did at a stop light when she saw red. She said she stopped. My dad said then that's what she needed to do when she was angry. Stop. Cool off. You don't keep going when you see red. Wait until you can approach a person and talk calmly without words that hurt, without yelling.

  .....................

  I remember when I was 8 years old, I was in my room with my sister, my dad wouldn't let me do something, he overheard me tell my sister that I hated him. I remember he cried. Neither of us has ever forgotten that.

  I remember I was 21 and my brother wanted a drink in a bar and he was 15. He told me I hated him after some other harsh words he said to me when I refused. I remember I cried. I loved him so much and he said that.
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  Stefanie

  I know.

  My mom cussed at me once when I was 8. I never have and never will forget that.
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  drwtsn32

  Yes, you can unsay it! At least on this forum! Just go back and edit your old post.
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  Puternut

  That's very true Simplesally. Often people say things like that because they could be insecure about themselves. And in saying cruel things to others, they want to elevate themselves above you, by walking on your feelings.

  It's sad but true. If only most were humble enough to make amends and apologize, and not repeat the same mistake. Then perhaps we could have some respect for them.

  Puternut
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  New Castles

  When angry sometimes people say things that they wouldn't say otherwise, and that includes parents. I think we all have to be careful to not offend anyone when we get mad, but also to be ready to forgive if its sincerely asked for.
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  Sirona

  Like how my mother said to me just this weekend that I don't "treat her like a mother" and that her children dont treat her like her friends children do. I asked her what she meant considering that I live 200 yards away from her house and I go round 3-4 times a week to see her (plus phone calls in between).

  Then I'm too much like my father (in a bad way). Incidentally my father died when I was 23.

  Sirona
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  ohiocowboy

  My P.O. father would look at me many times while I was growing up and say, "I hate you-Your not my son" whenever he was mad about something, even if it was something minute. I knew that he really didn't mean it?, because sometimes he would cry afterwords. but still to this day, can remember just about every instance that he said it. On the rare occasion that he would drop-kick, or punch me, didn't seem to be as bad as those nasty words. The times that he called me "Queer", or "Sissy", didn't even seem to hurt as bad as I hate you, and still to this day, I drive my friends crazy with my low self esteem, it has gotten better, but don't think it will ever quite go away. Words do in fact hit Harder than a fist!!!
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  Special K

  So true, sally.......sooooo true.

  Words can really cut.

  This may sound stupid but. There have been times , in my life, that I wish that the other person would have hit me rather than say what they did. They are still both wrong hitting or saying mean spirited things.

  sincerely

  Special K
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  confusedjw

  The Simple Sally One said:

  I remember when I was 8 years old, I was in my room with my sister, my dad wouldn't let me do something, he overheard me tell my sister that I hated him. I remember he cried. Neither of us has ever forgotten that.

  Doesn't this illustrate the point though that sometimes we don't really mean it? Or later we are embarrassed that we ever felt or thought a certain thing and said it?

  We have a rule in our house (and we don't have many rules). No matter how mad or frustrated or tired or annoyed we ever ever get. No one is allowed to say "I hate you." to anyone else. Because we have it in our mind like cement no one ever does. It's a rule. The other rule is, no hitting - ever. (Unless we are playing around of course.)

  I'd like to make some more rules like, always leave me some ice cream and I get to lay on the more comfortable couch and someone else has to paint the porch and I never have to do dishes ........
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  Odrade

  "Words and eggs must be handled with care. For eggs once broken, and words once spoken, are not easy to repair."

  I try to always remember that, it has helped me tone down my sharp tongue. You're right sally, there are some things that I remember though it's been 20 years.

  O