You cannot UNSAY a cruel word (page 2)

simplesally

Doesn't this illustrate the point though that sometimes we don't really mean it? Or later we are embarrassed that we ever felt or thought a certain thing and said it?

Confusedjw............sorry but you are confused again! He cried, I was the one who said the words. He didn't let me do something and overheard me telling my sister I hated HIM...........he cried from being hurt. Of course, I didn't mean it whole heartedly because an 8 year old cannot fathom what real hate is. But my dad felt the pain of those words just the same.

My ex-husband has said so many cruel things to me that when my dad and I were talking about this yesterday, we were saying how impossible it would be to ever go back. How can you go back to a person that would say things to really hurt you? If he cut off my arm, I would be stupid to go back. Well, he cut my heart and I just never thought he was that type of person and then he did it over and over and over again. And he did it behind my back as well, trying to isolate me from friends by twisting their words to me and mine to them. Just evil things. Anyway, it hurts all over again because my dad and I were talking about painful words and anger management yesterday..........

nilfun

It doesn't sound stupid at all, Special K.

...Though there have been times when I have been hurt by words, and hurt physically and to be honest, in some cases I think that it would have been far better for me to have heard 'a cruel word' than to have had to deal with the some of the physical stuff.

Take care all, and remember that their cruel words belong to them, and not you. When I find myself disowning the words that have hurt me, I feel just that little bit closer to free.

confusedjw

The Simple Sally Type said:

Confusedjw............sorry but you are confused again!

OUCH OUCH OUCH - I understood the situation you related about being a kid and hurting your Dad.

Which is VERY DIFFERENT ...

From an adult trying to control, manipulate, isolate and hurt their mate as you have described. People like that don't usually change. Very painful, be careful.

I'm really sorry that was your life, but I'm glad you and your Dad have made up.

Signed,
Not Confused about this but reserve the right to be confused about everything else!

Fleur

My ex-husband has said so many cruel things to me that when my dad and I were talking about this yesterday, we were saying how impossible it would be to ever go back. How can you go back to a person that would say things to really hurt you? If he cut off my arm, I would be stupid to go back. Well, he cut my heart and I just never thought he was that type of person and then he did it over and over and over again. And he did it behind my back as well, trying to isolate me from friends by twisting their words to me and mine to them. Just evil things. Anyway, it hurts all over again because my dad and I were talking about painful words and anger management yesterday..........

ugh ugh ugh, can i relate to that simplesally.

i've been divorced now almost as long as i was married, and still the things he said to me are with me. my second husband has never, ever, in seven years of knowing him spoken an intentionally hurtful word to me, never yelled at me or called me a name.

my ex not only delighted in calling me filthy names, but when the divorce was over and i told him that he had himself to thank for it, because of the emotional and other abuse he forced on me, he said 'it felt good to call you (expletive deleted) and i'd do it again."

and he said that i wouldn't find anyone to treat me better than he did. boy, was he wrong.

((((((((((((((simplesally))))))))))))

just an understanding hug, from someone who has been there, as a child and an adult (both of my parents were/are screamers and said plenty of things i will never forget to me when i was little).

thank you for reminding us that words can hurt, and kill, just like physical blows. you just can't see the scars.

fleur

ApagaLaLuz

This is one of the truest things Sally. Thank you for the reminder.........

This weekend I went to a house warming party for some friends of mine. She is an alcoholic. She has 2 kids aged 7 and 10. The 7 year old plays with my Spencer quite often. At about 11:30pm she was sloppily drunk and had many a shot of Tequila. I was going to the bathroom and I hear her son in his bedroom screaming. I went in to comfort him. He tells me "mom came in to the bathroom and told me she hated me, that she didnt even know who I was, that I wasnt the little boy she wanted." He is such a sweet, well behaved child. I didnt know what to say to him, so I just rocked him and told him it was late at night and his mom was tired and soemtimes grownups get cranky when they're tired. I told him it would be okay in the morning. And says to me "she's not tired, she's drunk, and sometimes when she gets this drunk, she's still drunk in the morning, so it wont be okay."

That just broke my heart. It's hard to take back things sometimes. And especially with children you never know if what you say to them right this second with stay with them till they're 40 years old.

simplesally

Chevy, I just don't understand that type of behavior. Last night, I went to bed with my Diet Coke around 11pm. I was watching the news and heard strange breathing coming from my daughter's room..........up I jump and she was snoring. Around 3 in the morning, she came in with her blankie and her animal to snuggle and sleep with Mommy.

I like to drink but I really try to be responsible....... I had a few beers during the day (like 3 or 4) but after 6, it was Diet Coke. Who knows when you might have to go to the ER for something, I want to be able to drive her there!!!!!! Your friend needs serious help if she cannot even control her mouth when she drinks!

ApagaLaLuz

I know Sally, I'm the same way, 'The beer doesnt come out till the kid's put away :)'

My point is, like in your situation, those are things that can NEVER be taken back. I've had to learn the hard way that alcohol sometimes can make a person say things they'll regret, problem is you CANT ever take those back. Knowing this, is ALWAYS in teh back of my mind now.

Lady Lee

Too often the words such as some have posted here regarding family have far more to do with how the person feels about themselves than about how they feel about the other person. Knowing that might help some of you but I fully understand how much it stings. I too got the verbal abuse. And personally the physical abuse was easier to deal with. It was visible a slap is a slap. But those verbal stings are so much harder to recognize as verbal abuse.

Excellent points form everyone which is why I think we need to be careful what we say to others in person and on the "Net". Yes you may be able to delete it but if the person has already read what was originally posted it can't be taken back

And personally I think it demeans the person saying it far more than the target

Mulan

My mother was mad at me when I was little and told me not to call her Mama anymore. I had to call her Mrs. M####### That hurt, and I never forgot it. I doubt she would fess up now, and probably accuse me of lying.

She is two personalities so I have to cut her some slack at times. Oh well, she is almost 92, so too late to fix her.

franklin J

old adage that my father taught me long ago.....

"if you have nothing nice to say--don't say anything"

You cannot UNSAY a cruel word

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