A call to the childfree/childless.... (page 4)

Princess

As of now, I am still young, I don't forsee children in my future. It's just not for me either. I just don't think I have the temperment for it to be a fulltime mom. I see my life playing out with and without children, I kind of feel like I would be happier without them. Of course this gets me labeled as self-ish and immature, but I think it just means I know who I am and that I don't need others...even little genetic like me others, to be happy.

I don't see that as selfish or immature. You may or may not change your mind and it souldns like you know that. When I got married I was 18, Steve was 28. We didn't want children, had no plans to ever have them. Shortly after our sixth anniversary my brother had his first baby. I changed my mind.

I went home from the hospital and told Steve I had changed my mind. Years later he confessed he didn't sleep that night. He said when we were out of debt and owned a home we could have a baby. One year later I told him I just didn't want to wait anymore, he said he'd been thinking about it and didn't want to wait either. Ten months later...Rhys, 21 months after that...Zoe.

By the time Zoe was born, we were out of debt and owned a home.

Sometimes I think how much easier it would be to not have kids...how much money we would save. It's worth it. All the struggles and headaches and fights and tears are worth it at the end of the day.

My sister-in-law and her husband decided not to have kids. They spoil the hell out of mine and everyone is happy...except my mother-in-law who thinks they should have had kids.

Mulan

We have four children, and the only thing I regret is not having another one after the 4th was born. He was 10 years younger than the next one in line, and he was like an only child. It would have been nice for him if we had another.

I feel badly for my friends who are now in our age group (late 50's) who never had children. One couple I know have no living relatives and no children or grandchildren. I think they are happy in their life, but to me their life seems empty. That's just my perspective.

One of the elderly women who lives at the home where my parents are has no family at all. No siblings or nieces, nephews, husband or children. Never did. (she had a husband but he has passed, and they weren't able to have children) She told me one day her life is very empty, and there is no one to visit her or care about her. Her old friends are all dead or live elsewhere. It's something to think about Your future might be kind of lonely.

Doubtfully Yours

Copsec,

Wise woman for not having kids with crummy guys! I'm sure your stepdaughter will fullfil your maternal inclinations. Best of luck to you.

Thanks for your comments.

DY

Doubtfully Yours

Princess,

I can relate to the mother-in-law comments of "should've had kids". My husband's family used to harrass me about it (because you know, in the Hispanic culture is the 'woman's' job to fill the house with little feet) until one day I told them point blank and loud enough for them all to hear that he'll have plenty of children with his other wife. That drove the point home well enough that I haven't heard a baby remark since.

I now understand that the motherhood calling wasn't loud enough for me, and the older I get the more I agree with my childfree life.

Please understand that I adore my nieces and nephews, but it's just so wonderful to have money to burn on eating out, travel, spur of the moment gadgets, etc. And the peace and quiet! The peace and quiet is so worth it!!!!!!!! I just couldn't imagine trading my actual life style in order to have healthy kids. Nope! Part-time visits will more than satisfy my female instincts.

As for hubby, if due to my exiting the WTBTS the marriage goes sour and he becomes a father down the line, there's no doubt in my mind that he'll more than miss his present lifestyle. I mean, that man is the KING, with all these toys and plenty more at his becking call. Yeap, he'll for sure miss it!

The way you feel about how it's all worth it at the end of the day, it's the same feeling I have about childfreedom. The stress-free life is just sincerely and absolutely priceless.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

DY

Doubtfully Yours

Mulan,

Life can be fulfilled by other venues other than children. There are plenty of people that have children and other relatives and still feel the sting of loneliness. You see, it's in the person!

I am at a very mature age and thus far childfree life is so very good. As for who'll take care of me in my old age? My currently healthy finances will, I assure you; in the end, here in the U.S., that's what really does, you know. Even when you have children.

Ever heard the saying that goes: "money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch". (HA!!!)

We have these wonderful neighbors that are in their old age and have children, of course we can only tell during Thanksgiving or Christmas, and they are soooo neglected! That's the crowd I really feel sad about. As a childfree person I know what's coming and I'll manouver a way to deal with it, but for the neglected people in their old age that had put their efforts while young to bring up a family and then have to face this situation now, is just the saddest thing. And believe me Mulan, in the ego-centric and extremely selfish society we live in that's the future awaiting many many parents.

All above said, I wish you the best of golden years next to your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

DY

maxwell

I have never wanted children and I know I never will. I didn't feel it at 18 and still don't feel it at 27. I've had a complete paradigm change going from being a full-fledged JW to an agnostic now, but my lack of desire for a child has not changed. I'm calling a urologist on Monday. I don't have any desire for any kind of pet either. However, I did want a dog once when I was really young like 5 or 6, so maybe the desire will return one day, but I can't see it right now. Will I feel lonely when I'm older? I don't know, but right now I don't see that as a valid reason to have children. I can't see having someone to take care of me or give me company as a valid reason to bring another human into the world. When I get old and perhaps even unable to live on my own, even if I did have children, I wouldn't want them to have that responsibility. Hopefully, I save enough to have that kind of care paid for, and hopefully, I would have some hobbies and interests, a life of my own.

Doubtfully Yours

Maxwell,

Some parents call the childfree 'selfish', but you tell me if it isn't the most selfish thing to bring somebody into this world just so that they can take care of you in your old age. Now that's some serious selfishness!

Mega dittos on your comments. Rigth now I don't have pets either. Perhaps in the far future I'll get a 'low-maintenance', quiet cat. Maybe.

Thanks for sharing.

DY

jwbot

My border collie is the only kid I need right now! Mike and I are not married yet, but we are waiting till we own a home and are making good money to even think about kids.

I am only giving birth to one child though, and that is because Mike promises to take care of me hand and foot when I am pregnant because I am doing it for him. We are also adopting internationally, another kid in the same time frame. I wanted to adopt 2, but he really for some reason wants to go through the natural birth process (wish men gave birth...). I am unfortunately indifferent to children. They make me nervous to be honest. Little girls, not so much, I would rather have girls, I am a little sexist in that manner, sorry to say.

jwbot

PS: I hope to be at least 30 before having a kid, I think thats a good age, or later. I still lean on the child-free side though. And I also might not be able to have kids, medically, which will not bother me.

Speaking of, I really need to pick up more of the birth control patch...its wonderful! If you are on the pill, switch!!!

Doubtfully Yours

jwbot,

Sounds like you have a good plan!

Now there's the perfect word for my situation: indifferent. Not hatred towards them, not annoyed by them, just plain indifferent towards children.

May your mate come through with his promise to adore you while you're expecting his child.

Thanks for sharing.

DY

A call to the childfree/childless....

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