Dear gentle members,
Remember the thread I started about my "liberal" JW mother? Well, forget all about that. I told her I was going on vacation to Dallas on Friday and inevitably had to mention that it was through this discussion board that I got invited. I didn't mention it was an "apostafest" or anything; just a few friends from the board who want to get together.
She was disgusted. This disgust exacerbated my mood into one of intense anger. I honestly don't think I've EVER been this angry before. In fact, I'm ashamed of how angry I got. Let me give you some highlights of an absolutely explosive night at my house:
She repeatedly calls ex-JWs, "anti-Jehovahs Witnesses" and says we all have a "vendetta" and a "hatred" for the Truth. She says JWs, on the other hand, "don't hate anybody" to which I responded, "Well, they hate other religious institutions as well as all governments" to which she said, "No we don't. We just tell them why they are wrong Biblically"
She says that "every organization -- be it a business or a religion -- has an 'ideal standard' that need not be met." I strove to be a "Super Jehovah's Witness" and when I "faltered" I "stabbed the organization, including [my] family in the back." She said it was MY choice to pioneer, not go to college (she cites a few names that did) and that the Society is only slightly to blame (yes, that is liberal!). She doesn't understand that I did WHAT THE SOCIETY ENCOURAGES. Ever f***ing (sorry, I'm so upset!) issue of the OKM talks about "doing your utmost" ad nauseum. I did it. She didn't. And it's all MY FAULT, according to her.
She said that I "choose" not to have non-ex-JW friends and that I -- this is her exact wording -- don't know how to develop real friendships. At this point I am ashamed to say I SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS at her. Four letter words were said. My fist hit the table (hard). She touched a nerve with me. She exacerbated my mood to the point of absolute RAGE.
I did apologize later for this, though.
My mother said that all ex-JWs do is log onto the internet and COMPLAIN about stupid little things -- "this elder hurt my feelings" -- or about looney sayings from CT Russel a hundred years ago. Yes, I myself have criticized ex-JWs that ONLY do that sort of thing, but she's under the impression there is no LOGICAL and NONEMOTIONAL argument against the Society.
I cannot tell you how absolutely, totally frustrating it is dealing with her. Perhaps it's more frustrating, in a way, because she has *some* liberal tendencies and she actually is a pretty critical thinker about most other matters in life. If she was like some typical JW (ie, whacked out) I could brush her loony cultishness off. But she's my MOTHER -- someone I want approval from and who I otherwise admire.
I'm so pissed off right now I could spit.
I told her that if she wants a relationship with me anything having to do with religion or the JWs is not to be discussed. Funny thing is I only lash out at her religion when she expressed this type of disapproval in me and my choices in life.
Don't worry folks, I'm still going to the Apostafest. (Things have calmed down a little at home. She even offered to pick me up from the airport on Monday).
Basically, to make a long stroy short, she thinks that some of you might be good people but are total NUTCASES who are obsessed with the "truth" as she calls it. She also said she feared for my life because "there are a lot of evil people out there on the net luring young people away."
Sorry for rambling. I need a stiff drink.
Bradley