How Does It Feel Knowing That You Were Once A Member Of A Cult???

by minimus 45 Replies latest jw friends

  • Steve Lowry
    Steve Lowry

    No one wants to have to get cancer to learn the lessons that accompany going through surviving it. But its impossible to learn the lessons of inner strength (and what you?re made of) without having to go through such an experience. Same thing goes with the JW experience. It?s been a great teacher. And I guess I?d rather not have had to go through the whole experience to learn the things I have learned, but I?m kinda glad I did, on this side of it.

    You can?t build muscle by simply looking at exercise equipment. Without resistance there is no growth.

  • Odrade
    Odrade

    Oddly, for me, the fact that it's a high-control group makes it a little easier for me. I look back on the way I was, and the things I accepted as "truth" and realize that I didn't make those choices, they were imposed upon me. Now if the JWs had been a group that I had chosen to be a part of, making an informed decision, I would probably feel pretty bad. But if anything, I know now how they get you to accept the doctrine, and it's pretty insidious.

    Somehow, knowing that their success is based on feeding a person some things they want to believe, gradually isolating them, then introducing the crazier stuff, makes it easier to forgive myself for my own involvement and behaviour while I was involved.

    I had a conversation today with a classmate. He didn't know my previous religious affiliation, and he made a comment about how hard it was to grow up Catholic. His mother was devout, and they were much more adherent than the average Catholic. I said that I grew up JW, and he readily acknowledged the similar feeling of isolation and guilt. After discussion though, the agreement was that though the two religions are similar in their effect in many respects, the crazier aspects of JWism are largely absent in the larger mainstream religions, making it much easier for those leaving other religions to carry on normally after exiting.

    Carry on, we do though (us x-jdubs,) and quite happily I might add. It's all part of the experience. Being raised in a cult made me the type of person I am now. I sometimes wonder what kind of person I would have been otherwise, but there's now way to know, and I rather like the person I'm turning into now...

    O

  • CeriseRose
    CeriseRose

    I really like Steve's point. Going through my parents' illnesses was hell, but I learned a lot about myself and have grown a lot for having gone through it.

    When I first left and started reading about JWs on the internet, I recall being completely shocked at it being called a cult. I know it had been accused of being so, but when I was in it, I didn't see it. I remember looking at the site and feeling the blinders being ripped off.

    I read a bit more...and went through feeling stupid and weak and all sorts of duped. Then I read one more thing on one site (and don't ask me where it was...so no source and I'll be paraphrasing). They said that cults attract people who are vulnerable, but that doesn't mean the person is unintelligent. In fact, cult victims are usually highly intelligent, and creative...it's just they get hooked in at a time when they have a need that the cult fulfills.

    To me that brought me a good deal of comfort. I can accept being vulnerable and tricked more than I can accept being so stupid to not see something so obvious. When I add to it the fact that these people (in cults, JWs, etc.) are trained specifically to prey upon people's weaknesses, I end up not feeling so bad.

    At least I got out. I feel bad for those who are still blind to it.

  • got my forty homey?
    got my forty homey?

    At times I get angry because I had no choice being that I was raised by two brainwashed JW parents. However at nineteen I ws ably to leave the house after pioneering, serving at bethel for a year and realizing that I wanted out and that this was not the "truth".

    It makes me happy though cause I know that I can and will never join a cult or ANY religous organization again. Lessoned learned!

  • Golf
    Golf

    Gee Min, for me, posing that question makes it sound like I was released from a 'nut' house, how about from an animal farm?

    Guest 77

  • avengers
    avengers
    It makes me happy though cause I know that I can and will never join a cult or ANY religous organization again. Lessoned learned!

    Yep. That's the way I think about it.

    I do feel guilty though that I introduced this cult to my kids.

    But now I have the power to do something about it.

    Andy

  • Country_Woman
    Country_Woman

    Just "human", I made mistakes too....

    But I've learnt a lot about the bible I would'nt know otherwise so, in a way, it was'nt a complete waste for me.

    Here they say "warned people" are counting for two. I will never made the same mistakes again..... unless I got amnesia.

  • myauntfanny
    myauntfanny

    I was raised as a JW but I don't know how much I ever believed it, I don't remember taking it seriously (although I'm sure it had unconscious effects) so I never felt stupid or ashamed. I was pretty angry for a few years, but it faded. I still sometimes feel both a bit special and a bit isolated, because most people I've met didn't have such a WIERD childhood, and they just can't begin to relate to it.

  • garybuss
    garybuss


    From "The Report", http://cftf.com/french/Les_Sectes_en_France/cults.html#debut

    As Dr. Jean-Marie Abgrall (author of The Captive Brain) indicates, "the recruitment of a follower passes by three phases, from which adhesion will be obtained gradually, at the same time as appears a form of intellectual and emotional dependence. In turn, the new follower will be allured, persuaded then fascinated by the sect and his member recruiters." The first phase of recruitment is obviously that of seduction. It aims at proposing a tempting alternative to the difficulties of everyday life. It is rare that the future followers present themselves spontaneously to a sectarian structure: the first contacts generally take place on the initiative of the sect recruiting agents, themselves measured by the effectiveness of their proselytism.

    The principle of seduction wants that the first contact is intended to support the process of identification between the recruiter and recruited. This identification rests on a certain number of criteria making it possible for the potential follower to perceive a similarity between himself and its interlocutor. This feeling can be obtained by resemblances of attitude, the systematic approval of the cogency of the questions expressed by the future follower. The success of this phase of seduction is of course largely conditional on the type of audience in which the recruiting will take place, and thus that of place of meeting, which is in general given according to their density of frequentation. Dr. Abgrall specifies thus that "door-to-door sales" (typical of Jehovah's Witnesses) will use canvassers in family (father, mother, child, or supposed such), the family recruiting being often illusory and made up without real family links. The "young framework dynamic" of the Scientologists will be more appropriate for canvassing in university cities, health clubs, or outdoor cafes (...). Who cannot recognize the young Mormon evangelists, with the close-cropped cut hair, the eternal navy blue blazer and the discrete club tie? How not to note the character good smart good but a little obsolete kind of the Jehovah's Witnesses?

    All this has been the subject of deliberated choices, proceeding from a precise study of the image to transmit to others." The feeling of identification is also obtained by the choice of the tools used for the initial contact: if the famous "personality test" of Church of Scientology can suggest that every passer-by appears somewhat [d?soeuvr??], the organization of a cycle of conference on ancient civilization will lend itself more to the concerns of some students and history faculty than to that of a pupil of economics, while others will be more drawn by an initiation with technique of communication or of improvement of effectiveness... One will recall finally that the principle of seduction had been thoroughly used in its ultimate logic by David Mo?se, founder of the sect Children of God, who had clearly preached "prche par le flirt" [literally "fishing by the flirt"] or "missionary solicicitation" to recruit new followers, and whose movement was dissolved in 1978 for prostitution.


    In any event, the recruiter must have a good capacity to perceive the framework of reference of his listener, his emotional components. The second phase of recruitment, once the supposed links of sympathy are established, consists in persuading the future follower of the credibility of the speech. Lionel Bellanger (Persuasion, PUF, 1985) defines the "4 C's" of healthy persuasive communication: for a message to be persuasive while recognizing the supposed free will of the possible future convert, it is appropriate that this message is credible (it is necessary that it can be based on evidence), coherent (intrinsic absence of contradiction), consistent (continuity of the matter) and congruent (suitability between the delivered message and the expectations of the listener). The objective of the recruiter, in the field of proselytism, consists in making its listener gradually pass from the real world to that of beliefs, without triggering the phenomenon of final rejection. This progressive passage is obtained by fabrication (dressing-up of reality), simulation (credibilization of an erroneous message), dissimulation, calumny, ambiguity, all are techniques which make it possible to adapt to the expectations of the listener, to pass from persuasion to mystification. These techniques are not in themselves reprehensible; in any case, they form the basis for the actions of marketing of any kind and are not punishable by law. One of the personalities heard by the Commission thus presented the defense which could be called upon by the sects: "Everything is manipulation, one can't make anything of that. Business, politics, the process of love, democratic discussion, publicity, television, all aim at manipulating the people. In any event, one should not panic: everyone in the world manipulates everyone in the world."

    It will be seen that the danger of the speech of persuasion used by the sects does not hold as well with the techniques used, as with the consequences of the adhesion to which they lead.

    The last component of the step leading to adhesion is the fascination, generally obtained at the time of the meeting with the centerpiece of the sectarian dynamics (positive results with a test, assistance to a rite, meets guru, etc...), Which will introduce the magic character into the relation between the future follower and the sect, will cause the irruption [bursting violently into] the symbolic universe of the sect and will lead to the will of engagement.

    This quick overview of the dominant features of the techniques of recruitment used by sects shows the very particular character of the steps, which aim at obtaining the express assent of the future follower, and shows that the techniques implemented are not techniques of coercion but of persuasion: the follower is formally agreeing.

    ***

  • exjdub
    exjdub

    Minimus,

    It feels GREAT!! Now, if I only could get rid of the annoying twitches and tics whenever I think about it I would be all set...

    exjdub

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