How Does It Feel Knowing That You Were Once A Member Of A Cult??? (page 4)

new light

That I can deal with, I guess. The fact that my family is still in-------now that's a different story.

minimus

Having family in, is the reason most of us are in some sort of despair. That, unfortunately well never probably go away.

Just today,I tracked down my Disabled JW mom's death certificate.Now I know that she can rest in peace at last,from the abusive tormented life that poor women had as a Jehovah's Witness. Real people,real sorrow,Real Watchtower family wrecking!

Name	Birth	Death	Last Residence	Last Benefit	SSN	Issued	Tools	Order Record?
MARY ANN HASZARD	18 Sep 1937	13 Oct 2002 (V)	)	(none specified)

The anguish and the agony,of having to renounce the life long convictions of my heart.It's a surreal horror to know,that all that I believed in,that it was all a LIE! I squandered my youth for a conniving carnal cult of greed. HEY! Mates I coulda had a V-8.I coulda had a frigging Life! Undaunted Danny www.DannyHaszard.com "Apostate with attitude "

core

Agree with most of what has been said - sad to have wasted best years of life (and earning potential) in faithful service - sad to have damaged my childrens lives by putting them through all the hoops and man made rules - so sad we cannot go back and reclaim our lost time but time moves one way only - every day I feel more bitterness and determination to have a part in exposing the sham of the WT - yes we did have some good times and some fun along the way but overall the scales weigh heavily on the emotional trauma/ emotional blackmail etc which weighed us down so much..

Swan

This has always been a mixture of opposite feelings for me.

It feels weird; and it feels special.

I feel stupid that I was involved in it for so long; and I feel proud for having been smart enough to escape.

I feel angry for having been lied to; and I feel joy at the freedom I now have.

I feel sad for the loss of family contact for the last ten years; and I feel fortunate not to have all of their family commotion in my life any more.

I feel loss over the things I never got to experience in my youth; and I feel glad that I get to do so many things that are new.

I feel grief over the life I used to have, and I feel more alive than I ever did.

I feel confusion about my place in a world where I am not part of something special or elite; and yet I feel great peace at finally accepting my own mortality.

I feel irate over being judged by them; and I feel confidence in trusting in myself to make my own value judgments.

I feel somber about issues that have such grave consequences for those I love; and I feel giddy thinking of all of the humorous silliness that used to be my life.

I feel upset over their self-righteousness arrogance; and I feel great empathy for them being caught in a trap that they are not even aware of.

I feel dejected when I am shunned in the store; and I feel like laughing at their childish behavior.

I feel deprived of so many opportunities; and I feel appreciative that I seldom take things for granted.

I feel bitter over the strict morality imposed upon me; and I feel wonder to know that people are generally good, like I am.

I feel outrage over the countless hours studying useless Watchtower teachings; and I feel thankful that I can let my hair down, not take life so seriously, and enjoy it more.

I feel badly about the people still wasting their time at the Kingdom Hall on a glorious spring day; and I feel superior that I am not one of those poor saps rushing to the meeting on Sunday morning.

I feel consternation that so many people could believe such rubbish and hypocrisy; and I feel humble that I use to believe in it too.

I feel afraid that I may fall into that trap again; and I feel invincible after surviving what I went through.

I feel hurt for the pain I went through and ask "Why me?"; and I feel serene about the experiences that are all part of me and say "Why not?"

Tammy

Deleted

According to Dr. Penton (as I recall) if you take the number of years you were "in" a cult and double it (in my case 18 + 18 = 36). And take the square root (no, I am not making this up) that's the number of years it will take to cleanse you of that cult. So for me that's 6 years. I just passed the 5 year mark. I am at the stage that I am just puzzled that I could have believed that rubbish for so long - I was angry for a long time. I was a convert so I had myself to blame, which I did, often. I spent a lot of time thinking what I could have done with those 18 years. But of more recent I have concluded that it is what it is, something worse could have happened, I could be divorced (we both left together), maybe we wouldn't have had kids (they were "born into it" and left with us). Who knows? A lot of people spend time regretting what they did or didn't do. Eventually it will sort itself out. Life will go on.

kilroy2

First of all I feel very angry that I was mislead and told to sit down and shut up.

The thing that makes me the most angry and frustrated is the fact that when I decided to leave my wifes parents and my grandfather, want nothing to do with us.

Are we ax murders? rapists? child molesters? [all the child molestors are at the hall] NO we are not. We work hard to creat a good life for ourselves.But are made to feel like we are doing something wrong. This makes me so pissed off, I can't begin to express.

When you do nothing wrong and yet are made to feel like you are gets my blood boiling. I have 3 brothers and my grandfather, [I call him bill as he is not my grandfather any longer.] will not contact any of us. One of my brothers went to the hall for a while to be part of the click, he had some friends at the hall. When he came to realise that they would only be friends as long as he kissed ass to bor. hook he could not do the dance any longer.

And when he quit his friends evaporated like water in the desert.

So did bill. My other brother has gotten married and has twins on the way and he has not called or asked about them.

The only consoloution I have is that just before my mother died bill gave all his money to my mom and when she passed on my dad was the benificary of the money. not a ton but 100k, now that my mom has passed bill has tried to get the funds back and we all have stood strong and said bascily piss off. He left as soon as my mom died and told the family he did not want anything to do with them.

but the lack of a family that really cares about you,that will stand by you even when you do stupid things, I really miss.

Believe it or not my wifes parents will not call her at home, they will call her once in a while at work [every 6 months or so] and ask to talk. yep you heard me right, at work. so she will call at 30 min before meeting night and start to talk. she says if they are not curtious of her time she will not be of theirs. I am so proud.

It is not even that I like these people, In fact I do not. but it makes me so mad that some old bastards in brooklyn who never even saw a virgina before can destroy a family they know nothing of and care less about.

So I say that I will continue to put up posters against the dubbers[I know this pisses them off to the enth degree] and will tell all that have a hearing ear about the horrers of the socity. We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the hedge rows, we will never surrender.

Mulan

According to Dr. Penton (as I recall) if you take the number of years you were "in" a cult and double it (in my case 18 + 18 = 36). And take the square root (no, I am not making this up) that's the number of years it will take to cleanse you of that cult.

Good Grief!! For me it is 9 1/2 years. We are approaching 8. I guess it's about right though.

minimus

Mulan, I've been in for 45 years too. It looks like we'll be on these boards for a lot longer, huh?

How Does It Feel Knowing That You Were Once A Member Of A Cult???

Larry

new light

minimus

Undaunted Danny

core

Swan

Deleted

kilroy2

Mulan

minimus

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