by jst2laws 69 Replies latest jw experiences
I have to agree with Simon...when I meet people from this board...I want to know they had an experience and we agree and then we find a path to move on with...
I don't like sticking with anger...I want a positive approach and then move one....
I am also glad to know that NOdenial and I are at the same point in our lives that we can move on together....
I think a lot of posters could move on better if their significant others where on the same page.
CodeBlue
I think this is a very interesting question, but I'm not sure how to answer it. Having left the org three years ago I feel that I am well on the way to recovery, however, I am human and inevitably there are times when I look back at life and feel that I wasted more than twenty precious years of my life.
I first became involved with the JWs when I was 35 I'm now 59 I was probably arounf 55 when I finally stopped fooling myself about the org, although to be fair I had felt pretty sceptical about all the inaccuracies, false prophecies etc. that JWs are supposed to take in their stride for many a long year.
The thing that makes me feel really sad from time to time is remembering the real lack of genuine love and genuine friendship within the org. I was a "sister in a divided home" I'm sure many of you will know how far down the pecking order that put me. I have to say I keep asking myself why I didn't see through it all much sooner. I gave up all my friends on the"outside" when I became a Witness, only to have them replaced by people who merely patronised me; patted me on the head when I did well in the ministry but otherwise ignored me.
I think the thing that bothers me most is that even though in my heart of hearts I knew this couldn't be Gods organization I didn't get out sooner - when I would have been young enough to make something of my life - my life that God gave to me and that I foolishly handed over to an organization who for all their weasle words actually don't care tuppence about real people.
I suppose sometimes I feel angry, but mostly when I think about being a witness at all, which these days is not that often I just feel sad and very very stupid!!!!!!!
lots of love to my virtual friends La-bella
Thank you for contributing your experience.
Jst2laws,
Thank you for opening the topic. This forum was not available when I left the Org, but it sure would have helped me through some of the recovery to know that there were others that had spent many years in the Org and came out the other side doing well. I think it would have taken less time for recovery had I known.
The biggest lie that the Organization spreads is that everyone who leaves the "Spiritual Paradise" of the WTBS either "returns to the vomit" of the "World" or crumples into a bundle of failed hopes and dreams and are failures at life. Oh...and also that they are going to suffer the most gruesome death if they leave the "safety" of the Org. The real failures in life are the ones that load good and kind people, that have enough of life's burdens already, with greater loads by instilling in them that they aren't good enough and they aren't doing enough. The ones that load the good people up are called Governing Body,elders, CO's and DO's Pharisees...and they are alive and well and in numerous supply in the WTBS.
Anyone that reads this: Don't waste another day of your life thinking that you are not good enough, or that you don't do enough. I felt that way for 36 years because of the WTBS and it is not a burden I carry any more.
exjdub
i'm not angry about it anymore....
Not depressed either....
Just moving on with life with a positive outlook for the future of my family...setting financial goals and family goals and putting everything into place to meet those goals....
Neither depressed or angry.
I have channeled my energy into other areas, joining 3 groups who have jointed efforts to fight religious sexual abuse, targeting the religious leaders who either are the molesters or the ones who hide it. We are doing this by lobbying to have the laws regarding reporting and the statutes of limitations changed and keeping it in the public eye as well as providing support groups and counselors..
I have been enjoying Steve Hassan's books that show that a big component of intervening in a cult member's life is bringing in ex-members of the cult they are in to talk about their experiences and to coach the rest of the family as to what reaction to expect from their family member in the cult. He gives some very good advice about what to say to pave the way for their eventual leaving.
This is his website and has his books listed on it.
http://www.freedomofmind.com/resourcecenter/faq/
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Codeblue,
I feel I have a relationship with our Creator and had one while I was a JW. No religion or imperfect men can take that away from me.
You know, I had a connection to "God" when I was a teenage Baptist, the connection was strong with the entity we came to refer to as "Jehovah" as a JW. Now I am still connected, just don't give this entity a name or think of it as a GUY IN THE SKY any longer. But I know I am still connected to something out there/in here.
I get depressed thinking that there are consequences to really letting my kids know what I have found out... . .So I guess I am not over the FEAR factor...
This board is a huge help as well as ones I have met in person.
Of course, you and your wife have been a HUGE help...and we are looking forward to seeing you guys soon.
Yes, some must deal with their kids still inside. But you have an advantage over many in that you are not disfellowshipped. You can talk to them and drop hints (not dogmatic statements but just questions you would like them to help you resolve). They may respond some day.
And yes, we will see you during our travels, soon.
Dan-O
I hadn't given the j-w's much thought until I stumbled across this board several weeks ago.
I love having people like you here, Dan. You demonstrate to the rest that there is life after a period of adjustment.
As to "I stumbled across this board several weeks ago" . Dude, I have been here three years now and have 2052 posts, and you are half way there in three weeks. Good work.
Jst2laws
Hmmm, this is a bit hard for me............depends on the mood of the day, I guess..........if I'm in a negative frame of mind, and something happens to bring those memories up, then, I'm gonna take that ball and run with it.............but, other days, in an upbeat, positive mood, I'll brush it off like it was nothing. LOL! Does that help? Maybe, because, it is part of my permanent experiences in life that colored and controlled such a long part of my life....25 years....so, my reasoning is that maybe "recovery" is not a word that applies.........I don't know.........
Terri
Bikerchic,
, You offered just what others need, the shared experience of a well adjusted survivor. Thanks.
The only thing I feel desperate about now is catching up financially all those retirement years of saving that I wasn't ever going to need.
I can't complain, after ten years in the fultime work I started catching up financially about 20 years ago. But the retirement issue is one example of how we can fully recover mentally and emotionally but our life will always be affected by the WT experience. An example is Joe, who resigned as an elder and two months later DF'd about two years ago. He is almost 70 years old but must keep working as a plumber. I sympathize with those here who put "kingdom interest first" to the exclusion of a reasonable retirement plan.
Flower
I would say life is more enjoyable, less stressful, more purposeful than it ever was before.
Girl, you have come a long way. I hope some day you will share your whole story with the people here who do not know you.
Jst2laws
PS to Carmel, if only we all could have got out so young.
Lady Lee,
The whole pedophile scandal triggered a lot of things that I hadn't addressed previously so that threw me for a loop too. But those are rare occasions and I get past them fairly quickly now
You know, it hit me hard too, not that I didn't know it existed, but because I had dismissed the issue time after time with the "wait on Jehovah" thing. I had personally dealt with 7 victims in 4 different congregation, but dealt directly with only one pedophile. I assumed it was just unique to me until I learned it was world wide and scandalous. That became the issue we took a stand on which got us DF'd.
Glad to hear 'the worst is over' for you. And good of you to help others here through it.
Six,
When I get to Dallas next week, I hope we can talk.
LittleToe,
I dont subscribe to any specific religion, though I would happily promote a living relationship with Christ, as a stabilising agent in my life.
You "dont subscribe to any specific religion", Do your parishioners know that???
LittleToe, everything I know about your life and faith suggest to me that you are the epitome of what Jesus would have wanted his followers to be.
Onacruse
perhaps one of the hardest things we can do is to really "let it go."
When it's over, it's over.
I like that. Let it go. I had to deal with several JW's in the past weeks (like getting my tools back they bored 4 years ago) and was not uncomfortable at all. I smiled with confidence that they were the victims yet, not me. I wonder if that is a hint I too have "let it go"?
Avengers,
You and codeblue have similar problems. I hope you do not feel you need to "let it go" by not caring about you family loss or the damage the WT has caused. I think the last stage of grief in general is "acceptance". Reaching this stage does not mean you like what you accept but it means you acknowledge this is your life now. It does not mean, to me, that you can no longer work to expose the monster that has hurt you and your family. But it would mean you accept this reality, and it is time to get on with what is left of your life. Maybe you have already done that. I would think your family seeing you do this and acknowledging that although dad loves us he seems to be content with his new life, may help them take a second look at what you have to say.
What I say above, avenger, is just my thoughts. I hope they do not offend you. If I am wrong, mayby Lady Lee will drop in and smack me in your behalf.
(added for avengers, I just read Simons comments and your response. . you are on the right road, Andy. If we can make it we may meet you in England)
gumby
You can gain your independence, but not the independence of others whom you long for.
That is a good point.
Jst2laws
An interesting thread as usual Js2.
I am way over it for the most part, the ORG is way out of my system and I couldnt give a hoot for it, however every so often I get an episode of dissociation that is directly linked to the past experience of being a JW who had to get used to losing everyone I had ever known and having a personal history wiped out overnight. I suppose that is the only thing that keeps me being an "exjw", other than this life is comfortable and the JWs are so far in the past that I dont know them anymore.
Brummie
