by jst2laws 69 Replies latest jw experiences
Wanted everyone to know that your words on this thread have been really helpful, for me.I have put
off progressing to anything positive for so long I didn't realize how good having familiar thoughts.
and expieriences. related to my "problem" discussed by caring persons would feel. Great in-put
up-lifting for the mind. "Support" such a great thing to have. again thanks all.
Bem
"Support" such a great thing to have.
Especially when I'm jogging or playing baseball.
JST2LAWS. YOU HAVE BEEN VERY HELPFUL IN YOUR COMMENTS TO QUITE A FEW PEOPLE ON THIS THREAD. YOU EXPRESS A KIND AND LOVING HEART IN SHARING YOUR KNOWLEDGE.
YOU ARE TO BE COMMENDED.
IT IS TOO BAD THAT NONE OF THIS WAS AVAILABLE TO US IN THE JW RELIGION. I LOST FAITH 25 YRS AGO AND WAS DF'D 12 YRS. AGO.
I THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY MUCH PAST ALL THE STAGES, EXCEPT FOR GRIEF DUE TO FAMILY MEMBERS STILL IN.
THEN A FEW WEEKS AGO I COULD SENSE THE DEPRESSION CREEPING IN AGAIN. I CAN NOT IDENTIFY ANY SOURCE OTHER THAN THE FAMILY MEMBERS STILL IN.
SO NOW I AM WORKING ON THAT ISSUE ONCE AGAIN. FOR ME AT LEAST, I DOUBT I WILL EVER BE FULLY FREE OF THE EFFECTS OF THE WBTS, AS LONG AS I HAVE LOVED ONES SHUNNING ME.
LIKE I SAID IN AN EARLIER POST, I AM CUTTING BACK ON ANYTHING THAT BRINGS UP JW MEMORIES. WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THIS FORUM.
OTHER THAN THAT, I HAVE HAD A MUCH BETTER LIFE, IN ALL RESPECTS, ONCE I GOT AWAY FROM THE JW'S COMPLETELY.
THIS FENCE SITTING AND HANGING ON DUE TO FAMILY MEMBERS WHICH IS WHAT I DID UNTIL I WAS DF'D, REALLY SUCKS. I DON'T RECOMMEND THAT TO ANYONE .
THANKS JST2LAWS.
Outoftheorg
Jst2Laws:
What a great thread!
Like you, I was a convert--not born-in-it. In many respects I think it is a different experience for converts.
At age 18, after "back-sliding" from "the Truth" in the mainstream fundamentalist "born-again" denominations (Church of Christ and Baptist genres), by going to movies (Walt Disney's Cinderella), wearing lipstick, and getting a part-time job as an usherette in a movie theatre, I believed with all sincerity that I was doomed to spend eternity being tortured in a burning hell. That is the belief of people who adhere to hell-fire doctrine denominations. So people just have to excuse me that I don't consider Jehovah's Witnesses to be the worst belief system in religion. :-)
Believing that I was doomed, I never-the-less loved the Creator and goodness, and did not blame God for my failure to be "good." I wanted to work to save as many souls from going to eternal torture (Hell) as possible. I was looking for the one "true religion" to serve God and goodness, even though I was doomed for Hell (since there remained no more sacrifice for me--I had known the truth and returned to my wicked ways (Heb.10:26) for going to movies, working in a theater, and wearing makeup, etc.--age 17-18).
When I heard that JWs did not believe in War and Christmas (I had concluded that Jesus and Santa Claus had nothing in common), I contacted them. I began a study with two other "pioneer" converts, and the first topic we covered was Hell. I studied that topic very deeply, with great interest, and to this day it amazes me how un-studied most JWs/exJWs are on that subject. That was THE subject I had to be convinced of before considering the religion's other doctrines. With studies daily, lasting hours each day, I was convinced this was IT within 3 weeks. I attended my first assembly--a district assembly with Knorr and FredFranz and Covington, etc. within a month, and was baptized at my first district assembly within 3 months. My mentor thought it was premature for me to be baptized because she said I did not fully comprehend the meaning that this was "Jehovah's organization". I now realize--though she did not realize it--that she meant I had not come under the mindset of accepting everything without question. I was not under the mind control. That early baptism may be what kept me from going under it.
Early on, I began to notice with dismay that JWs did not "prove" everything that came out in the Watchtower. JWs who were raised in the religion did not "prove" anything--they just accepted. They believed with all faith at that time that the Watchtower never had wrong information. It was not to be questioned. I was amazed that many life-time JWs could not disprove the basic doctrines that had been disproved to me in my "studies". The first thing that bothered me was the "blind faith." After a couple years of enthusiasm, I drifted into "waiting for new light" and over the next 16 years a gradual withdrawl that finally ended when a certain situation that was certain to result in a sister being DF'd, and I woke up. No more waiting for "new light"--I finally had to admit to myself this religion was not "the Truth". It was not a welcome or easy admission. I had really wanted it to be "the Truth". I had a log of egg on my face for people I had "witnessed to" and practically condemned.
I'm one who is glad I was a JW, glad I had that experience. Otherwise I would have believed it could not happen to me. Yes, intelligent people can believe incredible things. I once did a seminar at a BRCI conference, with a group of embittered exJWs, in which I posed questions in three categories: 1) Sorry I was a JW; 2) Not sorry I was a JW; and 3) Glad I was a JW.
The questions in "Sorry I was a JW" had things like missed education, missed popular activities in school, could have had a better job, etc. The questions in "Not sorry" were along the line of: I might have gotten an education but didn't know at that age what I wanted to be; most people don't do the things they can look back on and see they should have done; we probably would not have made the right decisions or any better decisions, etc. The last category "Glad I was a JW" had questions like, I would not have met my mate, or had my children; I might have gone to war and killed people--or had children or loved ones who did. Or got wounded/crippled. I might have gotten mixed up in drugs or immorality, etc.
The bottom-line question being, do people who were never JWs really, on average, live that much better of a life? Don't we all--JWs, exJWs, never-been-JWs--tend to look back and wish we had made different decisions. Would our decisions have really been the better life we now imagine we would have led if we had not been a JW. To my great surprise, and those who were in the workshop, the winning category turned out to be "Glad I was a JW" (and left, of course).
Some problems I see with people coming out of a long life of JWism is that they become convinced they missed a lot. Most that I see tend to embrace some other ideology (religious, anti-religious, social, amoral, or political). They nurture a concept that they would have had a wonderful life if they had not been a JW (in spite of the fact that most non-JWs do not have an extraordinary wonderful life). Sure we MIGHT have pursued some better education and career opportunties, but don't forget the bad stuff that we stayed away from too. Which is better? Who can say.
In my opinion, I think the luckiest people are people who were JWs, left JWs, and make the best of the rest of their life for what they learned from the experience. Some get better educations after leaving than they would have if they had never been JWs. We have the opportunity to have insight that only people who have succumbed to a mind-control ideology can understand.
Besides, my best friends in this world are exJWs. And the only way to be an exJW is to first be a JW. :-)
Blessings,
~Ros
{{{Ros}}} It is great to see you posting here! You are one of the more stable legends of these JW boards.
Thank you for the balance you show and the help you have been to others over the years from H20 onwards!
Uzzah
ROS. what a great addition to the thread you have made. I have been doing lot's of reading here and some literature. Met two incredible people on the forum tho' totally different from one another they have been very helpful in my progress to overcome what I had been struggling with since leaving the wts. Mainly is there life out there now. such an empty feeling. when you feel like you may be making a horrible mistake.(leaving wts) then you read about folks who have invested so much more of there lifetime than you may have. I was converted when my children were very young and before # three came along. He being born after learning wt. oldest will be 26 this year. Being df. the wts has hurt him the most. Shunned by only people he really ever knew. Very difficult. Alas the pain trickles down. A great variety of responses.The good news, found a new life? I sure hope so. good start anyway.
to all Bem
Where are you in this process, my friend?
Farkel
ros, thank you for your post.
Though you outline, with considerable eloquence, the process of your own recovery...if I may say so, what matters the most to me is that you show, in your own life, the realization of recovery. It's so "easy" to theorize, and postulate, and pontificate--but where you are is the greatest demonstration of your own words.
And as you have watched so many of us go/going through the same stages, and reaching (sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly) the same resolutions, I can well imagine that the thought in your heart is:
"Yes, you can do it, if you will."
bem, it seems to me (fwiw) that you too are well onto the road; a few more "turns around the bend," perhaps...but having an open mind, and self-honesty--huge advantages!!!
Craig
I can answer yes to all the questions, except the one about finding a new true religion. I was (and still am sometimes) horribly angry. I was depressed. I didn't know where to turn. I felt very lost and very guilty for such a long time. I was angry because I was raised in this religion, and anything other then being a witness was not an option. I was angry because when I finally opened my eyes and realized I could make my own decisions about my beliefs, I was made to feel like an outcast and a horrible person. I was depressed because everthing that I believed in with all my heart was a farce. I felt guilty because I thought all my thoughts and all my questions were betraying God. I am, however, past all that. I can truly say that I finally feel balanced and happy. I don't feel lost anymore. I don't hate God anymore. I feel alive and enlightened, and grateful for it all!!
Thank you, Uzzah, bem, and onocruze:
Uzzah, thank you for your kind words. Would I know you by another handle from H2O? :-)
bem: The thing to realize is that your life IS BETTER for recognizing "the Lie" that parades itself as "The Truth". You are to be commended for the courage to do that, and the reward will come in the liberation of your conscience. The WT shunning policy is their greatest weapon and, imo, their greatest sin. But remember Jesus words in Matt.12: " 48 He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother."
While I realize this is not a viable substitute for blood family and life-long friends to many, as you have already discovered it is better than living "The Lie(tm)" There is a rich and fruitful life in honesty--you just have to follow the path. In my experience, you can find wonderful friends among the people who have left the WT, who can relate to your experience. Hang in there, it gets better as you go if you "accentuate the positive", as the song goes. Look ahead, not back.
Ironically, my family experience was somewhat the reverse: I was shunned, to some extent, for becoming a JW. :-) But I was willing to deal with that for what I believed. For that realization, I'm not sorry. Although it was misguided at the time, I can now realize that I was willing to place my conscience at a higher value than approval of family. I take pride in that. So can you now. We're just on different sides of the same coin. (My mother still somewhat holds it against me that I got my brother involved in JWs. He died from complications with diabetes, mainly because he did not take the proper care of his condition since Armageddon was always just around the corner in the next few months.)
onocruze: Thanks for your warm thoughts. The more I see, the more I wonder if the *real* healing for some may still be in the wake, (that is, in *waking* up from the myths of the other extreme)--in time.
Blessings,
~Ros
