A Question Of Manners.

by Englishman 32 Replies latest social relationships

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  Englishman

  I'm looking for some feedback here. Thank you!

  HL and I like to socialise sometimes, and this often results in us hosting small parties for a few friends.

  Often our friends reciprocate, and then we enjoy being guests instead of being hosts.

  But we keep encountering a dilemma.

  One set of friends like us to visit them for afternoon BBQ's or sometimes for evening dinner parties.

  Now, no problem with dinner parties, but if say we go to a BBQ at around 4.30, they expect us to remain with them for the entire evening right through until around 11 pm or midnight, the same time as we'd stay to if we went to a late dinner party.

  Personally, I've had enough at about 9 pm, that's 5 hours, so we like to leave and have a pint or two in the pub on the way home.

  Now this makes them quite angry and they say that we're being anti-social because we are off to the pub instead of spending the whole evening with them.

  I maintain that if you go to tea or a BBQ in the late afternoon, then it's quite acceptable to depart earlier than if you went to a late dinner party.

  What do you think?

  Englishman.
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  avishai

  Now this makes them quite angry and they say that we're being anti-social because we are off to the pub instead of spending the whole evening with them

  It's none of their business.
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  Dan-O

  I'm on your side, E-man. And sometimes I like to get rid of the guests by 9 pm or so as well.
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  iiz2cool

  I agree, 5 hours is plenty of time. I would probably have enough before that, but maybe I'm antisocial.

  Why do they need to know you're stopping at a pub anyway? Just go where you want, when you want. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

  Walter
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  stillajwexelder

  I totally agree e-man. I have been around to my bosses for barbequed prime -rib and arrived about 4.00 pm - I then leave about 9.30. So yes i am with you -- you have anice afternoon and evening and then give each other some space -- totally civilized and good manners as far as I can see
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  seeitallclearlynow

  Sounds like they just want more of you and HL Eman - because apparently you all remain friends in spite of this problem.

  Obviously they should WANT to make their friends comfortable by not being demanding and making "rules'' for socializing time limits (how laughable) but what can I say? You two must be great company and they're just pouting!
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  exjdub

  Englishman,

  I agree, 5 hours is plenty of time spent. It may sound odd, but when I spend that amount of time with friends, I generally need a little time with just my wife to "unwind" a little bit, so stopping off at a pub to unwind sounds perfectly acceptable, and understandable, to me.

  exjdub
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  myauntfanny

  I think 5 hours of anybody is well more than enough, but some people like to socialise all the time. We have friends who are always act like we're being rude when we leave, I sometimes get the feeling they'd really like us to spend the night and stay for breakfast the next morning. I'm always very firm about it, because if I stay longer than I want to, I just won't want to come next time.
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  exjdub

  I'm always very firm about it, because if I stay longer than I want to, I just won't want to come next time.

  Amen to that myauntfanny!
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  little witch

  It seems to me that the whole idea of entertaining is to care for the comfort and wishes of the guests....

  How rude for a host or hostess to comment on how long a guest stays. Such a person lacks social skills and takes things too personal IMO.