A Question Of Manners. (page 3)

xenawarrior

AWWW Eman. I kinda feel bad for them in a way. I don't think it's a question of manners so much as one of expectations and their own desires. I'm sure they aren't doing that to be rude in any way- they just want to be with you and they enjoy your company (and others I suppose) so much they don't want it to end !! That may be why they start it early- to get more out of it all - to be able to spend more time having fun with people they love !!

Having said that- their expectations shouldn't control what you do or how long you stay, nor should you be in a position of feeling guilty about any of that. Maybe if you talked to them about it you may find out that this is the case and they will find out that it's not that you don't want to spend time with them, it's just that you become spent about a party after a certain amount of time. After you've explained this to them- if their expectations are still the same and they put pressure on you, then at least you've given them some understanding of you and then it's really their own problem.

XW

Double Edge

Geez, after 5 hours of hosting, you'd think THEY would be pleased to see you leave. I'm with you E-man, their expectations are very unrealistic.

El Kabong

E-Man

Having company for 4 or 5 hours is enough time for anybody. Anything beyond that is just too much. You are the one with manners. Your friend, although they probably mean well, and I'm sure they are nice people, are really not showing good manners.

It's your life and it's your time. If you want to leave by 9 or 10 to go and do what you want to do, then by all means do it. Who are they to tell you what to do and when to do it?

Just my 2 cents.

Maverick

Next time you go there bring a pillow, a blanket, and a change of address card for the post office. Tell them you only plan to stay about three weeks and give them a breakfast menu.

They don't know when they are well off! Maverick

LittleToe

LOL @ HS

It's your business when you leave, but you could at least have invited them to the pub

In the Highlands, if you go out for an evening meal, it's usually expected (with few exceptions) that you are there for the duration, and may even stop the night.
Most of my friends are surprised if I leave in the PM, and I frequently find myself hitting the sack at the back of 2am.

That having been said, how on earth do you manage to eat that early? LOL
Here an evening meal, with guests, is partaken of sometime between 7 - 10pm.

LT "Night owl" class.

Sirona

Whilst I agree that some people prefer to leave early and that they certainly shouldn't try to control you, I dunno, maybe its just me but I can think of nothing better than partying all night long with people who you truly get on with! I mean come on?? How about livin a little? Are you all "in bed by nine" types or WHAT?

Sirona

confusedjw

I'm going to guess that they are thinking you are coming over, getting your fill and then blowing them off. Which of course would be rude, if that were the case, but that isn't the case.

But undoubtedly they feel a bit hurt that you like the pub from 9:15 to 10:45 more than them.

So you aren't being rude, but of course you could make the exception with them (knowing they want you til 11:00 ) to stay until then, next time.

How often are these BBQ's - stay until 11:00 every other time?

If you really don't want to stay then don't feel badly though - Tell them: "I like to say hi and bye to my other friends at the pub as well, you know that."

( By the way coming at 4:30 and leaving at 9:00 would be perfect for us. But we make different exceptions for different friends - as I'm sure you do as well. )

Englishman

Thank you all for the suggestions and comments.

Just to clarify a little:

We normally socialise in an eightsome. The other 6 are once-a-week vistors to my pub. However, on the odd occasions when they do come out, they really do go for it. Lot's of double scotch's, expensive bar bills, you get the picture.

HL and I, however, go out several times a week to our pub, so we tend to drink quite moderately. Also, we don't go in for heavy sessions during the week too often as she has to be up early lecturing and I do a physical job.

However, the 2 friends who get pissy if we don't stay all night also become resentful if we don't drop all our plans and start to get sloshed as soon as they call into the pub. It always has to be a big deal with them.

It's an ongoing problem and we're starting to dread being invited round to this particular couples house. They even get annoyed if we're at someone else's house and don't stay as long as they think that we should!

Englishman.

LittleToe

Then, as I'm sure you already suspect, it is they that have the lack of manners...
From how you've described them, they sounds a little boorish.

Xena

These wouldn't be your friends would they???

lol sorry when I saw someone mention boorish I couldn't help myself. Sounds to me like you need to scale back your time with these particular friends.....When you invite someone to your house it is up to them to decide when to leave, I tend to hope my guests will leave at a reasonable hour. You and HS sound like very thoughtful guests!

A Question Of Manners.

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