Disturbing phone call yesterday.... (page 4)

codeblue

Blondie:

I need to get those books...what are they again?

Thanks for sharing your comments...and yes...I am glad I have NOdenial...but he is outta town a lot....and I really NEED him now...sorry to be whining to this board...

CodeBlue

blondie

Try www.alibris.com or

www.amazon.com

Just pop in Suzy's name to see all the books. I posted them above too. I can't get the one to copy.

Suzy Elgin Haden has quite a few good books on the art of communication.

exjdub

Sometimes the problem is not the JW/not JW thing but family issues that have never been resolved just ignored in families.

I agree with Blondie. I think that the JW thing masks alot of family dysfunction. I guess mask isn't the right word...postpones is probably a better word. A toxic family member will use the veil of the Org to stab you and to satisfy a deeper agenda that perhaps has been in the undercurrent all along. At least that was my experience. My only sibling, a Sister, is now dead to me because of the cruelty inflicted through the veil of the Org. But it never was really about the Org, only a convenient excuse to disembowel me (she also was very worried about my "spirituality".)

Obviously, only you know the real situation, but I completely understand your frustration. What is quite interesting to me is that your Sister used an identical tactic as my Sister. You mentioned that, even though your Sister was not very helpful through some difficult times, she threw in your face how supportive she had been to you. That is exactly what my situation was (though not with a divorce). My Sister was the very opposite of supportive during my excrutiatingly difficult time, but amazingly, in her mind, she had been completely supportive and I "was biting the hand that was feeding me" by questioning her lack of support! No win situation for sure.

Finally...there is nothing like family to make you feel worthless. They know how to gut punch you, when they want to, quite effectively. It probably will never mean as much coming from people on the internet, but you are valuable, and I really enjoy your thoughts and posts and hope you do not take comments from a toxic Sister to heart, as hard as that may be. Warmest regards (((CB.)))

exjdub

patio34

Hi Codeblue,

That is a difficult situation and I'm not sure there is a perfect resolution to it. Maybe when time works its magic, things might settle down.

I loved what GaryBuss said (thanks Gary!--by the way, how long have you had the advice-giving tendency, lol!). I'm printing it out.

Blondie, thanks for the links to the books. Actually, I have an older one of verbal defense, but didn't remember much about it.

Anyway, Codeblue, a trick I use sometimes when I'm ruminating about a tricky situation is first to journal about it, but during that, to imagine that a best friend has asked me for advice about the same situation and what would I tell them. It gives a new perspective on the situation! And you usually know how you would best handle it once you're more objective about it.

Another thing is a Zen saying I read: Remember the solution to the problem. Meaning that if you assume you know the solution, your brain works better than if you assume you don't know.

Feel better,

Pat

simplesally

Remember the solution to the problem

I was reading a book and that philosophy was quoted in it. It assumes that we have already been thru the situation before and that there is an answer, we just have to 'remember' how we solved it the last time we were in this situation.

patio34

Hi CB,

I did a search for verbal defense and found an article by the author at this site:

http://people.howstuffworks.com/vsd.htm

The article includes two methods she explains for deflecting "attackers" and they were very good. I have a person I intend to use these on, plus the one GaryB recommended.

Pat

codeblue

Thanks exjdub and patio for your thoughtfulness and kind words that means a lot to me....

Exjdub: I think you are right about my sister. There must be a hidden reason...other than the religion issue. Your situation sounds a lot like what I am going thru...

Patio: I should have journaled it before calling her back last night....I will try to remember to do so in the future. Thanks for finding that site...I will check into it. I didn't handle the situation very well at all.

In fact, I only slept an hour last night.

Thanks for caring everyone!!!

patio34

CodeBlue,

The reason there are books on the subject is because these are very difficult situations to handle! Don't say you didn't handle it well.

((((CB))))

I hope you get some sleep soon and feel better. I've been upset like that before and i hated it

Pat

codeblue

Pat:

I know what you are saying....you are so right!

I just have a very bad "gut" feeling about all of this...

Yes, if I could get some sleep and not be ALONE...I think it would help. This thing has spiraled me into a huge depression. NOdenial doesn't come home till Thursday after noon...home for 3 days and then gone again for another week.

Thanks again for your kind words!

CodeBlue

Disturbing phone call yesterday....

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