Sure glad I'm not married to ya..
Sounds like you have already left her in your mind a long time ago.
If you have been unhappy in the relationship for a long time then set her and yourself free.
sincerely
Special K
I
Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ???
by run dont walk 107 Replies latest jw friends
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hillary_step
Well said Xena.
HS
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imallgrowedup
Run -
Boy is this a topic I could write on for days! Unfortunately, I have very little time, and have not read any of the other posts, so please forgive me if I duplicate someone else's efforts.
First of all, it is an unfair statement to ask why women always feel threatened and/or jealous. Trust me when I tell you I have been on the other end of that one! It is not just women who feel that way. It is my experience that people feel that way for two reasons:
1. They have low self-esteem
2. There is something going on in the relationship which gives them GOOD cause to feel that way (they don't feel secure in the relationship because of something that the other person is doing, or because of specific circumstances which cause the couple to (begin to) drift apart).
Secondly, I have almost left my mate many times, and once it was for someone else. However, at the last minute I realized that the guy I was leaving for was not worth it so here I still am after 10 years. IMHO, it is never smart to leave your marriage for someone else, especially if your marriage is fixable. If you are going to leave, it is because you are unhappy, you no longer love your mate, and you've tried everything to make it work with no results. If you still have any hope of your marriage working, then you need to try to fix it first, because you may realize the huge mistake you've made if you leave for someone else and then that person leaves YOU. At that point, there is about a .00001 chance that you'll ever recover your marriage. So - if you're going to go, do it for YOU - not for someone else. Be sure to examine your motives and why you want to leave, and be sure you take into consideration the changes in your life that will occur if you leave. Especially take into consideration how you would feel about those changes if you left strictly for yourself - not for someone else. Do you want to live that way?
Run, also please remember - everyone ages - even you. I realize you have acknowledged that, but think of it this way - even the new younger model is going to age, too. How will you feel about her 10 years from now when her body/face looks like your wife's look today? What is on the outside does NOT count for a hill of beans because it is so fleeting. If you want something real, look for what is inside someone. And I am willing to bet that what you really want is inside your mate - you just have to look, and you just have to be willing to make sacrifices and changes in order to make it work.
Let us know how it all works out.
growedup
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xjw_b12
Hello. I'm here to answer the "Help Wanted" add for "Competent Night Managers"
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El Kabong
Just remember, in most cases the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
If you leave your wife of 15 years for a newer model, the new model might also come with some of the same problems you are having with your older model. Sometimes the problems are worse with the newer model.
Oh sure, the sex will be great for a while with a younger woman, but, that too will eventually get old. Remember the old Eddie Murphy routine? At first, the sex will be like eating a Ritz cracker. But, after a while you will say, "Hey, I just had some plain old crackers tonight".
If you work out the problems with your wife, you just might find the rewards will be much better.
Also, remember, you bought a 250K house. Ex-wife ---- HALF!!!!
Only you can judge your situation with your wife.
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Doubtfully Yours
Nope!!!
Not for someone else, but yes about leaving so that I can start over fresh. Never for someone else, though!
DY
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maxwell
I have thought of leaving my mate for someone else and I've thought of leaving for myself. We decided to stay together. If I had left it wouldn't have been for someone else, although I don't buy all the "do it for her and your mutual respect" rhetoric. I would never leave her for someone else because I really doubt that anyone else would be any better. Another person would probably want the same restraints on my movements and actions that my present wife wants. And they might want to waste even more of my time talking about irrelevant feelings or trying to get me to remember unimportant things. And who knows what their level of jealousy would be. I can't answer your last two questions, although I really wonder about the jealousy question as well. I think it is worth it that I stayed because we have shared some valuable time together as a couple and I think she has been more at peace. My wife chose to take more control over how she was feeling that she did before. However, if I ever did leave it would be for myself and I would never get married again. Marriage and the traditional western monogamous life-time partner model really isn't for everyone and is quite overrated. My opinions are probably not mainstream or very popular, but there they are.
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beebee
First of all, if you are having problems in your marriage, in all fairness to everyone, including YOU, you need to resolve them one way or the other BEFORE you entertain getting started with someone new. If you are going to begin to see someone else, or even just play the field, you should be a free agent. Free legally, and emotionally.
Secondly if you somehow think the single world guarantees better companionship you may be dissapointed. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Also a woman that is drawn to a married man and that would even consider an affair is trouble. She's got issues you have yet to see. Stay away.
Women are just a lot more open-minded, and less visual, then most men are when it comes to choosing companions. We will choose from a broader pool of candidates. Also some girls think older men are smarter. Girls - that's not necessarily true! LOL
Yes, our bodies all age but with that usually comes a mellower personality, a better set of values, better sex and a comfort level few men find with younger women. Of course this is a generalization, there will always be exceptions.
Sometimes a couple will just drift apart. We all change as we grow older and those changes may or may not be compatible with staying together. However, all relationships take work and perhaps this is just a lull you two can work through. Before you ditch the bird in the hand, perhaps you should consider some couples counseling so that you can both evaluate whether or not a future together is in the cards. Even if the decision is to end it, if you can reach that together, you may be able to part amicably. Start cheating, and that isn't going to happen. Prepare for hell.
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Sunnygal41
I am turning 40 in July. I understand the desire to be with someone much younger. Maybe it is mid-life. Scary admitting that mid-life applies to us isn't it?
I had an 18 year old interested in me. I was a mentor to her, larger than life in her mind. She pursued me but I said no to her. It wasn't fair to her. It wasn't right. Now keep in mind I am single and recently unattached. I still said no. Now some may call me a fool for saying no to her advances but I was true to myself.
I can't help but feel there is more to this than what you stated in your post. A little jealousy does not justify giving up on a relationship!
Two thumbs up on your reasoning, Uzzah.
Terri, of the been there, done that class
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Sunnygal41
Best to get normal, break up, divorced upset now, sit in your underwear in front of a TV, drinking beer and eating ravioli out of a can for awhile, THEN go looking for the young hottie.
LMAO @ what Avishai said, but, ya know what? You are absolutely right........rebound relationships never work out.
Terri