Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ???

by run dont walk 107 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Scully

  Here's some more stuff to think about:

  All behaviour has dividends or "payoffs". Maybe on a subconscious level you like your work because of the attention from beautiful younger women that comes as part of the package, and you justify it on a rational level by saying "I can't earn as much money and have the lifestyle that I now enjoy if I took another job." That may be true, but another job also might not come with the perk of the beautiful younger women fawning over you. In addition, subconsciously you may feel kind of insecure about yourself and/or your relationship with your wife, so that you "need" the attention from the beautiful younger women with whom you work in order to stem some of that subconscious level insecurity. It also gives you a powerful message to flaunt (again subconsciously) to your wife: "Hey, I'm surrounded by gorgeous women at work all day and I could have my pick of them if I wanted... and don't you forget it!!"

  Who wouldn't feel threatened knowing that their spouse was in a position to abandon them in favor of one (or more) of a selection of gorgeous specimens of the opposite sex, and that their spouse was carrying on in a way that seemingly threatened to follow through?

  If your wife really and truly felt that she was THE number one, most important thing in your life, and that the girls you worked with weren't being used as emotional pawns against her to threaten her position, you'd probably find that her feelings of jealousy would evaporate.

  On the flip side, did you ever stop to consider that perhaps the girls from work are nothing more than gold-diggers? They see the material things you have and that you have provided for your wife - a nice big house, a car, a nice lifestyle - and are actually jealous of HER and what she has?

  The other thing you need to be really careful about is that you do NOT want to get branded as a man who sexually harasses the women he works with. All it takes is for one of these girls to get her nose out of joint, and they will ALL have you for lunch. Is it worth ruining your career and risking your livelihood for a romp with a gorgeous young thing?

  Love, Scully
• 

  bikerchic

  run don't walk;

  In reading this thread and yes I've read every post so far, you've gotten some excellent advise and I hope you really do the hard work of what I see is the problem is which is YOUR CHARACTER. You my dear man need to really examine yourself.

  I'm going to be very blunt and I apologize in advance if I step on your toes a bit, but I really hope this is a wake up call for you to do some serious soul searching. To leave your wife of 15 years for a younger model is IMHO like pissing in the wind, nothing good could possibly come of it.

  Why are women so jealous of other women and feel so threatened ???????

  Her insecurities come from you treating her less than the woman you vowed to love, honor and cherish in good times and bad. Marriage as life has it's ups and downs, it's not during the good times when we prove the goodness of our character but during the bad times, it's those struggles inside us which make us a real honorable man or woman. When we can rise above the humanness of our secret desires (fantasies) and do the right thing the honorable thing that truly make us strong and of good character. Only you can answer the question of what kind of man you want to be known as.

  What do women find attractive about an older guy ??????

  Seriously?!! The type of woman who are looking for an older guy are also immature and are looking for more of a father figure, not their intellectual equal, but someone who can be like a daddy to them, or more appropriately in your situation many a sugar daddy. They are users, but then that is what you would be also and that can get boring really fast unless you are immature yourself, and then maybe that's really what your wife is finding lacking in you.

  As far as the sex being boring, gosh if memory serves me right it takes two! Try making it enjoyable for her, light her fire, wine and dine her. Treat her like she's a queen, give in to her every whim, give her back rubs, cuddle, tell her you love her and the most important part do all that but don't have sex for a few days. I can guarantee you after a few days of this treatment without sex, she'll be willing and ready to please you.

  really confused, not sure what i will do, thanks for your comments.

  Maybe a reality check for you would to be to look around you at all you've accumulated materially so far and picture half of it gone and plan on sitting across the table from your soon to be X wife haggling out with lawyers who gets what for the next couple of years. Fifteen years is a lot of time to invest in the woman you picked to be your partner for life, might I suggest you spend about $15.00 and get the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by, Dr. Laura Schlessinger and spend time with your wife reading it. It might help, at least I hope so it's a small investment yet if it saves your marriage it would be worth it's weight in gold. And to steal a line from Dr. Laura;

  "Now go do the right thing."

  I wish you well,

  Kate
• 

  confusedjw

  Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ???

  No
• 

  Sunnygal41

  I promise you. If you don't handle this with some propriety and dignity, you will regret it. And in the meantime, you will probably break your wife's heart. Do the right thing. Is your marriage already over? Take care of that before you bone some other girl. Then you're free to do what you want. Give your wife AND yourself that respect.

  Andi.............right on!!!!

  Terri
• 

  Dan-O

  RWD, I think you got your johnson caught in your zipper on this topic. It's gonna hurt to pull the skin free from those metal teeth.

  how many of you have thought or HAVE left your mate for someone else, was it worth it, or worth it that you stayed ???

  Thought of leaving for someone else? Nope.

  Thought of leaving? Yep. Almost did a few years ago.
• 

  Sunnygal41

  Because no matter how much work you have done....or how long you dye your hair to keep the gray out...or how many creams you use to keep the wrinkles away....our bodies eventually break down. And if you are with someone who just wants to be with you due to looks, then you are gonna be up a creek without a paddle...

  That's it in a nutshell..........I'm not sure how many of you have seen the changes/stance that box office bombshell Jamie Lee Curtis recently did? Well, she acknowledged how much "fakery" goes into making her into the glamorous "hottie" that she portrayed in movies. I respect her immensely, as it is my stance on things also. If you want to dye your hair just cuz you want a different color.......go for it, but, to hide the grey? Nope, but, I happen to think silver hair is beautiful on men and women.............if I diet, then it should be because I recognize that I am not treating my body in a healthy way, and that includes mentally knowing that you are not in good shape........you've let yourself go flabby, gained weight, etc and you know you are not your best.........if there are circumstances to this, like an illness or certain medications, then you do the best you can. But, bottom line is motive, and we do always have some leeway.

  Terri
• 

  run dont walk

  WOW !!!!!!!!

  i WILL reply to each and every post, just bear with me, gotta go to work now, be back on around midnight tonight, Game 1 goes in Tampa, Calgary is upside down right now, will be a busy night, thanks to all, and i PROMISE, i am going ro respond to each and every post, and shed more "new light" (no pun intended), on the whole situation and some ideas for you women, DON'T EVER THINK your mate isn't thinking what i am now, IT CAN HAPPEN anythime in life, at any age.

  Will be back.
• 

  bikerchic

  rdw:

  some ideas for you women, DON'T EVER THINK your mate isn't thinking what i am now, IT CAN HAPPEN anytime in life, at any age.

  Most of us ladies already know and have experienced this and usually because our nest (children) are involved we will take the high ground and not act out our fantasies, too much to risk for a little pleasure. I can speak from experience I stayed in a bad marriage for the sake of my kids. When my youngest was up and out, so was I.

  Don't think for one minuet you aren't encouraging these thoughts in your wives mind, us women are gifted with intuition that gut feeling that something is wrong.

  Waiting with bated breath for your replies tonight.

  Kate
• 

  XQsThaiPoes

  Accuse her of witchcraft and have the townsmen burn her at the stake and then marry the milk maid.

  Actually everyone knows what jws think of this. They believe ins Messy divorce. Commit adultery then file for divorce so everything is scriptural.

  If you are hear I assume you don't think Like that anymore. If money is no object for you then get a divorce it will add excitement to your life it will even get you a dead line to work your differences out or get out. As far as marring another younger woman die single you are obviously not a marring type, but did not know that. Adultery is really silly in context why give her the moral high ground? I also think that it is not the face she is older that makes you feel attracted to younger women. I am sure you saw tones of hot young women when you married her. You need to start making demands. Not sophomoric cook my dinner wash my clothes demands, but real tangible ones that she must meet in order for you to be happy. Write them down. Have her read um. If she can't comply you may have to settle for the current state of affairs or divorce.

  If you guy think I am wrong I am just trying to say this relationship seems to be mainly objective and material. This okay. But like all contracts if you can't meet the obligations you should terminate it. What I hate is when people pretend the relationships are subjective and spiritual stringing naive the body or the wallet along thinking their undying unconditionally love is undying conditional love. I am not saying they don't have feeling for each other. But I doubt the foundation of their marriage was built on nostalgia or sentiment. It was probably built on objectification. The good thing about this is these types of relationship IMO can be patched up quicker than spiritual discord. Since they can change "overnight".

  I would not buy her any plastic until she complies if she wants it then she should buy it herself. I am not being misogynistic pig she is free to tell him to shove it. But in his case if they don't start negotiating the terms of why they will love each other then this relationship has no reason to exist in today?s society.
• 

  Stefanie

  XQs You are some character......