Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ???

by run dont walk 107 Replies latest jw friends

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  ApagaLaLuz

  Sounds like you have gotten some wonderful advice. The worse slap in the face you could do is to not just say "her looks are fading", but LEAVING HER FOR SOMEONE ELSE is like kicking her when she's down. It's one thing if you're un happy and want to leave it's another to make her feel like she's been "replaced".

  In my opinion Dawn hit the nail on the head with this one:

  We women can be pretty perceptive when it comes to our man and it sounds as if your wife already senses that something may be wrong and that is why she would over-react on the phone. If you love her, it sounds like a crucial time to show her that she is still your "babe" and not your "old lady" by courting her again and by looking at her like you would look at that young hot co-worker

  There is a 13 year age gap between my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs and myself. So if I'm 24, that doesnt make him 11

  He's NEVER been attracted to younger women, and I'm the first person he's ever dated that is younger. In fact if I get jealous it's usually over a great looking "older" woman. I dont mind when he goes out with friends to the "teeny bopper" dance clubs, but I wont let him go to an upscale bar where alot of hot, older, divorced woman frequent. My attraction was not money or monagamy as it was earlier suggested, there was just a chemistry that worked regardless of our age, and a maturity emotionally that was hard to find with men my age. That has always been MY attraction to older men. And yes, I've thought of leaving, everyone does at some point, but never for another person. It's hard enough to hurt someone by leaving, it's another to "replace" them
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  frenchbabyface

  Xena : My point is that if you want to get it for yourself then fine....if you get it to make someone else happy because they feel the need for an upgraded model that THAT is a problem. IMHO

  Ok I've got your point ... but please read me :

  if a little whatever can make your more confident it worth it

  Did you ever see some girls who wasn't confident at all, got a plastic surgery ... It changes them ! More happy means more fun (they don't hide - less shy) it can change a woman ... I was against a few years before I realised it not only physical aspects - it changes the way they are MORE ATTRACTIVE EVEN PERSONNALY. theys smile more for instance (believe it or not) and that can change a relationship !

  If you have been unhappy in the relationship for a long time then set her and yourself free.

  Yeah ...
• 

  gumby

  This November I will be married for 32 years. I married when I was 18, she was 17, and we had our only child when I was 20, so my daughter will be 30 this month.

  If she and I would have divorced when these situations you explained arose, we would have split long ago.I'm so glad I still have her because we have grown closer as time goes on. Even in the buisness world, a buisnessman must go through many trials to make his buisness work, not start another buisness. It take some marriages much longer to run smoothly than others with a lot more effort.

  What I always find hard to understand, is how love for a person can be chucked aside for convienence, and other desires. People with a lively puppy don't sell puppy years down the road when it loses it vigor , looks, or energy, when it ages, ....so how can some do that to their mate?

  I realise their are some situations in which perhaps happiness between 2 people may not ever happen, but until you go through many trials with each other....you will not find out. If there is love there, it will conquer most of these problems in time.

  I feel a woman is much sharper than a man at detecting in her husband whether he has lost his desire and feelings for her.....in most cases. Unless she feels loved, appreciated, and wanted, she will never be happy with her man. A man must make his woman feel these things. Buying them things means little if they know it's a peace offering......they know. They need to know you WANTED to buy it for them because you think of them and love them. Yes, guys are bad about doing this stuff, but an attitude change in them can correct it and make them better at it.

  It took my wife YEARS to realise I am like a whole lot of other men. I forget things that are important to her....not on purpose....I'm a damn guy! When she realised men think different and that she wasn't the only one whose husband did stuff I did........she didn't take it so personally, but realised guys are like that alot. This took years to find out.......but it was worth it to me.

  I just hope I die before she does........I wouldn't be good at dealing with it at all.

  Gumby
• 

  Sassy

  well you got yourself in trouble when you mentioned her looks fading.. and trading her in for a younger model. You sure won't win any awards with the women and those comments... which the replies have obviously shown.. What is it they say happens to guys when they suddenly decided that they need something else? Women go through a change of life but what do they say about men? a seven year ache? like you are getting older too and so you need something to compensate to make you feel like you aren't getting older?

  The trouble is, most of the time that grass looks younger and greener does not lead to happiness and those things you thought had faded, later when it is too later, you realize you miss and wish you had back.

  She probably senses your withdrawing.. we do that before we come out with statements like you made subconsciously, that way we can justify out loud why we could think about leaving..

  My first husband got the itch about the same time in our marriage as you are with your wife now. I didn't realize it. (although we were younger than you at that time). About our 17th year or marriage I found out he was having an affair as well as the fact he told me he had been looking for my 'replacement" for 3 years..

  Well I left.. he tried to have a life with her.. and he dated several other younger women. What happened? He found out he still wanted me..... but it took a year to realize it. By then to much water had run under the bridge. It's been ten years since then and he still calls and tries to get nostalig with me. but it is too late.
• 

  Stefanie

  Well I left.. he tried to have a life with her.. and he dated several other younger women. What happened? He found out he still wanted me..... but it took a year to realize it. By then to much water had run under the bridge. It's been ten years since then and he still calls and tries to get nostalig with me. but it is too late.

  You go girl. A man stupid enough to leave you, didnt deserve you in the first place.
• 

  Nosferatu

  Very interesting thread!

  but it doesn't matter what i do, she's never happy

  Making your wife happy is not your job, it's hers. Spending your life making her happy is only going to make you miserable because you're expecting results you're not going to get.

  she is 10 years YOUNGER then me, and im thinking well, maybe its time for a change.

  I'll tell you something, if you're going to make any kind of a change, make it permanent. If you want a change, divorce your wife and become single. A one-time affair isn't going to fix anything, you'll have to accept that you're going to return to many short-term relationships. Is throwing away a 15 year relationship and gaining multiple short-term relationships worth it?

  Why are women so jealous of other women and feel so threatened ???????

  They want what they can't have. If your wife feels she's losing you, she's going to get more protective of you. Jealousy works to your advantage when your single.

  What do women find attractive about an older guy ??????

  They like their men to have their shit together. Older men have good, secure jobs, lots of sexual experience, and most of them are married (remember the whole jealousy thing).

  As far as your current marriage goes, it takes two people to maintain a marriage. I'm only guessing that someone isn't doing their part, but I can't tell by your post who it is.

  Good luck with whatever you decide.
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  ApagaLaLuz

  Gumby: That's the sweetest post EVER. I hope one day I can have a relationship similar to yours. BRAVO!
• 

  Sassy

  oh.. and for the record.. WOMEN can enjoy dating younger men too! I know I do.. all the men I have dated since not dating JWs have been ten yrs younger or more..

  and I ditto Chevys.. GUMBY... you are the best!! Guess that is why we love ya... we all want someone to think about us one day like you do your wife and your life with her!
• 

  avishai

  Why are all the women on this thread assuming he's a cad and the wife is innocent? No benefit of the doubt? She may have been busting his balls for years.
• 

  Nosferatu

  One more thing I forgot to add:

  sex is BORING

  So, make it more interesting! Don't tell her about it, just do it! Most likely, she'll love your surprises in the bedroom. If she's not going to make the sex more interesting, you'll have to do it. If she refuses to co-operate with your new ideas in the bedroom, then there's nothing you can really do about it.