Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ??? (page 8)

Dan-O

A good point, Nos ... but an exciting sex life starts long before a couple enters the bedroom. If the rest of their relationship is boring, the sex will also be mediocre.

Sassy

Why are all the women on this thread assuming he's a cad and the wife is innocent

I dont think he is a cad either.. I think he is getting restless.. and since we can't hear her side, nor has he really said anythin bad about her except that she gets jealous..

and quite honestly his words that she is fading with her age, didn't exactly speak postively for him..

I just hate to see him later be sorry..

If life is that bad.. get off the ship and move on... but make sure it really is all that and not just restlessness..

talesin

Why are all the women on this thread assuming he's a cad and the wife is innocent?

Good question, Avi. I don't assume he is a cad, but he is generalizing that 'women' are jealous and this and that. He is displaying an attitude that it is all his wife's fault, and that is rarely true. It's often hard to look in the mirror and see our own contributions to the breakdown of a marriage. When I left my first husband (in my 20s), I was unable to see that I was half the problem. Now, in hindsight, I still feel I did the right thing, but I know that my problems were huge as well and it was not just my ex's fault. It takes two to make or break a partnership, imho.

rdw

I want to say that I applaud you for putting your honest feelings out there. It was risky, and took courage. My comments were direct, but not meant to be unkind. More like an older sister who has learned (and is still learning) her own lessons and is giving you honest feedback. It's hard to put nuance into words written on a screen. It sounds like you are really interested in seeing your relationship from 'outside the box'. I hope you take all the feedback to heart, and realize that we care about you, and wish you the best. I know I do.

talesin

Country Girl

I think it's easier to work on a set of problems that you are familiar with, with someone you are familiar with, than to have to start to work on a whole other set of problems with someone you aren't that familiar with. Does that make sense?

My husband is 11 years younger, so I guess he likes ole nutty bats like me.

CG

Xena

Gumsweetie your a good man

Frenchbabyface obviously you didn't read me, but lets just leave it at that shall we?

Smoldering Wick

Hi Sweet Xena!

I wrote my post for a few reasons.

First, it was to show how superficial basing a relationship on looks is. Secondly, it was to turn the tables on run. (for him to see that it would be possible for him to be the one who was jealous.) However, mostly it was to show the value in what he had at home (with his wife).

Of course, I agree with you as well. You cannot base a relationship on what you look like on the outside. ...and you shouldn't do something you don't want to do.

But, let's face it...Men are visual. Most of us (women) find our husbands when we look our best. They are attracted to us first by the way we look, and then they fall in love with us because of our intelligence, sense of humor etc. In time, looks fade (on both parts).

It's true, we are the same person inside...almost...except for being happy, fun, energetic, confident, sensual, sexual, interesting. It?s all we can do to keep up with the dull day-to-day struggles that most people put their health and their looks last.

If this relationship had serious problems that genuinely hurt either partner, then end it. From what I read, run cannot even pinpoint the problem...he says the "fire is fading" and that this younger woman is "very nice" and "personable."

Well, fan the flames don't start another fire!

Why is this younger woman attracted to run? Probably because run puts on his best at work. He is energetic, motivated, dedicated and happy while he is at work. That's what she sees....and that's attractive to women. Why is run's wife so jealous? Probably because the person she fell in love with...the energetic, motivated, dedicated, happy one...is giving that all away at work and leaves nothing for her.

She obviously loves him...what other wife would put up with her husband working at a bar, late and long hours, surrounded by beautiful women?!? He probably thinks a lot about his job. Dresses nice, smells nice when he goes. Maybe he's tired when he comes home...doesn't notice her or the things she's done. Who knows?

This couple is no longer dating...they are roommates. In order for the relationship to change, they have to change. There has to be a substantial investment into the relationship from both parties. She has to once again "catch his eye." Women can be beautiful at any age...but, insecurity and jealousy are not attractive. He has to once again be emotionally & mentally available to her. It's just part of our nature.

frenchbabyface

Frenchbabyface obviously you didn't read me, but lets just leave it at that shall we?

No I've read you and I agree ... it is not about doing something for him !but the way you answered meant that the idea was not good. I feel like it could be good for somehow who have lost confidence in herself physically (it was important to make the difference) that is it ...

talesin

Xena, fbf

Accepting the aging process had its moments for me. But there will be NO surgery. Having recently had some medically necessary breast surgery, I can't comprehend why anyone would go through surgery of any kind for their looks. Exceptions for me would be disfigurement, birth defects (eg cleft palate), or perhaps someone who lost a LOT of weight and has excess rolls of skin, or has vision problems due to eyelid overlap. That is my personal opinion only. Love me as I am, or not at all.

I must fess up, though. If I find myself in better $$$ circumstances, I wouldn't mind having white teeth for the first time in my life, as they have always been a bit dark due to meds I took as a child. BUT, although I am self-conscious about this, it's funny. People often tell me I have a beautiful smile. Which just goes to show you, it's what's inside that counts, since my smile always comes from my heart.

The suggestion was made that rdw have his wife fix herself up with surgery. IMHO I am with you on this, Xena.

Wouldn't it be great if the three of us were sitting around having a , and debating this issue? What a nite that would be! WOO HOO!

talesin

frenchbabyface

Talisen : Yeah ... A thread about it why not ...

I was saying the same thing as you a few years ago ... I've change my view on this because I realised that life is just unfair ... we had a lot of Topic here in France on the subject and how it changes the woman (0-1-2-3 years after) and I Can witness myself, had 2 friends who got boobs (cause they didn't have enough and felt bad about it - they where also both fat) Now they've got boobs and you know what ? they even lost weight 2 differents personnes today more happy for sure. One things brings another

I don't think we should blame those women ... we want them to be happy (still their choice - if they feel that they need it)

Xena

fbf see my quote below:

My point is that if you want to get it for yourself then fine

aka if you do it for YOURSELF then more power to you....but doing it for someone ELSE is IMHO not worth it. So no you didn't read or understand me.

Smoldering Wick,

I hear you, but it just makes me sad it has to be that way with women....I'm not getting any younger and at times I can almost see the expiration date stamped on my ass. Maybe that makes me a bit touchy when it comes to this type of thing

My thinking though would be if he wants to fan the flames why not start with himself? Give her some attention...show her you love her and still find her attractive, even after all the years. Then maybe she will feel better about herself...and have no need to be jealous of other women.

Well, ever think about leaving your mate for someone else ???

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