I think jealousy has alot to do with self confidence and trust in the other person. If you feel self confident enough to know you have what it takes to keep your mate, then you'll feel a little less jealous when you see them talking to someone else. If you trust your mate then that will also have an effect on how jealous you are.
Jealousy
by Stefanie 31 Replies latest jw friends
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Obviously Secret
I'm jealous every time I see a person happy, I'm totally like paranoid about that lol. I get all nervous and stuff and my eye starts to twitch when I see other people happy. Trying to get over that, it totally sucks.
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stillajwexelder
I am not a jealous person - but my wife is. I have never been unfaithfull but my wife has - it devasated me. BTW you new avatar Stefanie -- you are so pretty -gorgeous really - I will be hitting on you now as well as Sassy
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Satans little helper
I have cheated in the past and find that I am more wary of innocent actions than I would have been had I never cheated. It sort of is worse when your partner cheated on their ex to be with you
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Stefanie
Stilla....
Castles, you hit the point!
SLH, I understand where you are coming from..
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gespro
Jealousy, possessiveness, insecurities...I wrote the book! Having been born into the JW mindset [of my mother], I can see where it came from. With maturity, I realized how silly I was acting and saw others acting the same way.
My mother pretty much had me thinking that all men are bad and all women are good. Men had to talk them into the sex act. I was 17 when I made the horrifying discovery that women had sexual wants and desires! Go figure...That was the begining of my rageful journey into reality. I also believed in 'only ones' and was told I should marry a virgin. [I was...my ex-wife was not and was in total denial about why she was not. She said she was raped. She lied! I had to marry her to finally be told the truth. Virginity wasn't the issue. I would have understood after re-adjusting my thinking but she liked to lie about a lot of things. Plus she didn't know what love was either. Two losers...]
I definitely tormented my ex-wife with it [even though there was good cause for it] and realized how I approached life could help me overcome it. I possess no one else. If love is there, the other person won't purposely shame you and cause you to be jealous/insecure. If they're that flighty, turnaround is far play. I remember an ex-fiance who would always talk to the guys at parties and it would bug me so, I started talking to the girls every time she would get into this mode and it drove her nuts! We were very young then...more gameplaying. Not conducive to anything healthy.
I know a lot of x-dub men who had that same intense rage when a partner caused them to become jealous. I let go of too many great women because of my own anger/insecurities. I could cut them loose like they didn't exist! Sound familiar...? How horrifying emotionally! It wasn't until after I took a good hard look at my twisted thinking I was able to handle a relationship at 25 [I should have waited 10 more years before I considered remarrying].
Yes, I still have issues I'm working through like:
How do you look at your partner and feel total intimacy when they've been in the throes of passion with another man? How CAN you want to be the only one with this person when this kind of love is fleeting? Someone once told me Men want to be first -Women want you to be their last. Is this how it works?
Am I not supposed to totally love my mate?
A lot of my issues go back to childhood trauma and are NOT my mates fault/problem. If we waited until everyone addressed this issue and was in recovery, I think there would be a LOT of single men and women, stronger marriages, and healthy children but that's just my .02
gespro the amazing traumatized smoking baboon
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iiz2cool
I'm not a jealous person, but my ex is. She was angry that I had online friends and demanded that I stop visiting discussion boards. Of course, I didn't. It got worse when I started meeting online friends in person.
Walter
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Stefanie
Gespro,
I was...my ex-wife was not and was in total denial about why she was not. She said she was raped. She lied! I had to marry her to finally be told the truth.
That was wrong of her!
How do you look at your partner and feel total intimacy when they've been in the throes of passion with another man? How CAN you want to be the only one with this person when this kind of love is fleeting? Someone once told me Men want to be first -Women want you to be their last. Is this how it works?
Exactly, that how I feel, and wonder if he feels that way. And how do you know what he is thinking when he is with you. I often wonder why he wouldnt marry his exgf, but he wanted to marry me right away. *sigh* so many issues and insecurities i can feel at once.
And no thats not how it works not for me at least.
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gespro
That was wrong of her!
Thanks Steph...No one else has acknowledged my feelings on that story. Thank you...
We were both a couple of young goofballs. I wish someone had put a chasity belt on me until my hormones calmed down [or at least picked a girl that was sober...]
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heyfea
I think I've become less jealous over the years. I used to ALWAYS feel threatened by other "better" looking women. I couldn't resist it when my man looked at another woman, it drove me nuts. I felt he literally WANTED her, otherwise, why would he constanly throw a quick glance at the woman in question. I know I am right, men look at women when they find them attractive. But you know what? Men and woman, will ALWAYS look at the other gender, it is natural. But sometimes, men and woman, don't only look, they follow through with their desires. Does that mean they don't love their respective spouses? I really don't know.....like the song says, " I really don't know love at all".
I think that no matter how jealous you are and how careful you are to check on your partner, your partner will always find a way to cheat on you if he or she wants to. I know about these thinks. One case I know about, the husband goes out to the grocery store for maybe 20 minutes, but he really goes to a prostitute for a 3 minitue BJ. Another case, the man is married, the only one working in the household, he's wife stays home, she has control of all the money he makes, so he cannot spend a dime on any woman. Guess what? There are women out there willing to have sex with him at any time, the women even pay for the hotel room and all. His wife is home thinking he's the perfect husband.