Sometimes I Hate Being The Father Of Teenagers . . .

by Corvin 61 Replies latest jw friends

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  Euphemism

  I think if she didn't give you attitude and "the look" and God I know that look, you probably would have given her another option to get rid of the cd.

  Okay, I'm not a parent, and I'm sure the parents on this thread can say this better than I can. Taking care of kids is a frustrating job, and even when I enjoyed being with them, I was always more than happy to hand them over to their parents at the end of the day! So I have a lot of admiration for what parents put up with day in and day out. And I know, from personal experience, how annoying the "attitude" is.

  But here's my thought: how do you like it when you're told what to do?

  What if your boss tells you that you can't play the radio at work? Or the city says you can't do some home improvement project? Or the homeowner's association has some rule preventing you from painting your house the color you want? Even if you understand the reasons, you'd probably be pretty pissed, because your autonomy is being messed with.

  Well guess what: your kids care just as much about autonomy as you do.

  Now that doesn't mean you don't have to set rules. Of course you do. But to get angry at your kids for "copping an attitude" is basically to expect them to be what you are not.
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  Euphemism

  "Adjust their reasoning"? I'm sorry, Corvin, but you have no clue how scarily JWish you sound.

  You cannot "adjust" another person's reasoning. You can either help them to grow in their own way, or you can impose your own views on them.

  Here's a simple question: how would you have reacted in your daughter's shoes, when you were 17?
• 

  Stefanie

  But to get angry at your kids for "copping an attitude" is basically to expect them to be what you are not.
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  Corvin

  Adjust their reasoning"? I'm sorry, Corvin, but you have no clue how scarily JWish you sound.

  You cannot "adjust" another person's reasoning. You can either help them to grow in their own way, or you can impose your own views on them.

  Here's a simple question: how would you have reacted in your daughter's shoes, when you were 17?

  LOL, it does sound a bit JW-ish, but I think most of you know me well enough to know I am no longer a subscriber to their way of thinking.

  "adjusting" her reasoning in this case simply implies that I was talking to her with a view to helping her to consider something else other than herself when she is making her choices.

  Not sure I understand the point of your shoes question, but I have no problem with her shoes.

  Let me just say that I am opposed to my kids having body pearcings. I found out last night that the same daughter has had a belly button pearching for the last year! An entire year! How did I miss that? She expressly went against my rule, violated it and pearced her belly button! How did I react? I didn't. I let her know I was dissapointed, but let her keep the belly button ring. She cried . . . not sure if it was out of relief or what. I let her go on to grad night last night and play with her hs friends in her graduating class and she is crashed out right now since she was up all night. I can deal with the belly button pearcing and if she would have asked me if she could get one last night, I probably would have said yes. But she did not ask, she went against the rule and decieved me for an entire year. Should I reward her for her deception and skirting the rule on body pearcings or should there be some sort of consequence for her actions? I already know the answer. She will get some sort of punishment. Perhaps I will lock her in her room with Elvis music piped in 24-7.

  The entire thing lead to extensive dialogue between me, Mary and all the kids. It had a posative outcome. As a result, the 15 yo gets to try a new hairstyle and get a belly button pearcing. The 12 year old also gets a new and daring hairstyle with the prospect of a bellybutton pearcing in 2-3 years.

  A household with teenagers simply cannot be the idealistic democracy some fantasize about because teens really don't know what the hell they want and what they want and like constantly changes. They still lack certain qualities of judgement and thinking ability that cannot reign supreme in the family structure. No matter what anyone says, kids and teens need to have reasonable boundaries reinforced and their testing of the boundaries is not an indication that the boundaries are overkill or inappropriate.

  Corvin
• 

  reboot

  I sympathise Corvin....it is tough..... I have two teenagers one nearly 17 one nearly 15..my first daughter dosnt feel the need to push boundaries...so that's never been a problem but the other one...lol

  She's in a band and some of the music they play and listen to is objectionable but I would never destroy it.I ask her to listen to it with headphones so my son cant hear it-but that's the only rule I lay down since she showed me her song writing and poetry which was angst ridden and similar....if it's in their minds it needs an outlet...

  I see it as a stage and as long as she's not depressed by it it's fine by me., she's very positive and loving. but is passionate about music and I dont feel I can tell her what she can listen to...personally I'm incredibly moved my Eminems lyrics and have a book of his 'poetry'

  .when she's really low she dos'nt play the metal stuff...she gets out her violin and plays Mozart...I feel my under reaction and calmness lets them experiment with their feelings in a safe enviroment.
• 

  kls

  Teenagers ? thank god for time passing on, i have raised four teens their ages now are 20 thru 30 yrs. I would never want to do it again. There are no right or wrong ways, you love them and do the best you can
• 

  avishai

  A household with teenagers simply cannot be the idealistic democracy some fantasize about because teens really don't know what the hell they want and what they want and like constantly changes. They still lack certain qualities of judgement and thinking ability that cannot reign supreme in the family structure. No matter what anyone says, kids and teens need to have reasonable boundaries reinforced and their testing of the boundaries is not an indication that the boundaries are overkill or inappropriate

  amen
• 

  Euphemism

  Corvin... I appreciate the other examples you posted. I'm not trying to say that you're an unreasonable person, and I think that the other instances you mentioned are good evidence of that fact.

  I also want to clarify one thing... I am emphatically not saying that a household with kids can or should be a democracy. There are times a parent has to draw a line in the sand. There are cases where the line between right and wrong is pretty clear. There are some things that are so obviously harmful to your child that no dispute can be brooked.

  But if it's an area where reasonable people can disagree, then why not allow the kid--especially a teenager, and even more so a 17-year-old--to make their own decision?

  And that's all I have to say. I'm bowing out now, and leaving this thread to the parents.
• 

  avishai

  But if it's an area where reasonable people can disagree, then why not allow the kid--especially a teenager, and even more so a 17-year-old--to make their own decision?

  Because there are other kids in the house that will be exposed to the music, perhaps? He has more to worry about than one child, and music is harder to deal with as a whole rather than saying "She's seventeen, you are 14, because they ALL hear it.
• 

  Corvin

  Because there are other kids in the house that will be exposed to the music, perhaps? He has more to worry about than one child, and music is harder to deal with as a whole rather than saying "She's seventeen, you are 14, because they ALL hear it.

  Let me just return the "AMEN".