Question... Do JWs shun Family? (page 4)

XQsThaiPoes

lol my point... Duh my bad got carried away.

There are two camps of JWs. Those that believe if you are a family member as long as they dont give you credibility it is okay to associate with you, and the other guys. I believe the other guys may be loosing.

Unless the family is having problems shunning is loosing its relief. It is not getting the results the watchtower used to promise. The JWs are in troubled waters. It is like being a communist in the late 80s no fun at all. They seem to be clinging to their families or jettsioning them and going it alone. Saddly the jettisoning is happening inside with jws in good standing. I was just trying to say I think the other guys can be won over. Moscow is a great example. Can you challenge them to prove JWism does not break up families? Not by words but by action. THey will love to prove the russian wrong right?

StinkyPantz

Well unless you survey all df'd or da'd ex-JWs then you can't really know for sure. The WT tells it's members to shun family and former friends so some will do it. If only one person suffers from this, that's enough to piss me off.

So, don't be insensitive towards those that are suffering.. I think that's ultimately why Sassy started this thread. Many of us are shunned and hurt by it.. don't belittle our pain.

Englishman

My parents stopped shunning me when the WT magazine appeared to lighten up on the practice in the 70's.

Although shunning was later re-applied by Brooklyn, my Mother refused to shun me once again. My brother, who is also DF'd, is still in favour too. Maybe it's because we took care of my Mum after our Dad died.

She is a very pro-active JW and justifies her decision not to shun saying that her boys are not apostates.

Oh really?

Well, I'm not going to tell her any differently. After all, why should I enable her in her delusions?

Englishman.

Iforget

Do any of you think that growing up with conditonal love from pretty much everyone affected you as a adult? I have been pondering this question as of late. Is this why I don't form attachments easily? Is this why I can walk away from pretty much anyone and it doesn't bother me? Was I conditoned enough growing up that if you screw up you are not loved anymore? When I gave birth to my child it was the first time I truly understood just how screwed up it is to turn your back on your own flesh and blood. The love I have for him is more then I have for myself.

It would never matter to me what he did...he would never lose my love. He may lose my respect and need a good kick in the @ss once in a while but I would never NOT love him or care about his well being. Now he is only 8 so I can't say what I may do when he is 14 and mouthing off. My husband and I married 2 years ago after much trial on his part. I just had to be sure he wouldn't walk away if I screwed up or something didn't go just right.

Being shunned for those 5yrs did more damage to me then words will ever convey. I feel so terrible for anyone who is going thru this. It is so damaging to one's self esteem. Your own PARENTS???

Do any of you still get the familiar knots in your stomach? And how do you think you would feel towards your parents if you could have association with them again? I am so angry but I had lots and lots of therapy to help me learn to deal with it. I can't change the past and what their choices are but I can control my reaction and how I live my life. I digress though...I did go back. I did humble myself because having them in my life for however much time we are given on this earth was worth it. Walking away from the org was easy. Not from them.

lisavegas420

Do any of you think that growing up with conditonal love from pretty much everyone affected you as a adult? I have been pondering this question as of late. Is this why I don't form attachments easily? Is this why I can walk away from pretty much anyone and it doesn't bother me? Was I conditoned enough growing up that if you screw up you are not loved anymore? When I gave birth to my child it was the first time I truly understood just how screwed up it is to turn your back on your own flesh and blood. The love I have for him is more then I have for myself.
It would never matter to me what he did...he would never lose my love. He may lose my respect and need a good kick in the @ss once in a while but I would never NOT love him or care about his well being.

OMG...I could have written that word for word........I think the way I was raised is exactly why I have a hard time forming attachements. Except for my husband and children and now grandchildren, I don't have any what I would call close friendships. My adult children continue to do things that I don't always agree with, but I would never stop talking or start shunning them for their decisions.

And how do you think you would feel towards your parents if you could have association with them again?

It's been 15 years since I've had a one on one with either of my parents. I have often wondered if I would even like them. I am a completely different person then I was when I left.

Lisa

hubert

I never was, or ever will be a J.W. But, I have family in it, and that's why I am here. I can relate to this post with this true story.

My sister-in-law is a devote J.W. Her daughter was engaged to a baptized J.W., and was seeing him a lot, out of site of her Mom. Her mother told my daughter, who is studying with the J.W.'s, that "If she found out that her daughter was having relations with her boyfriend, she would HAVE TO shun her."

AND SHE WASN'T EVEN BAPTIZED YET !!!!

Hubert.

mamochan13

Do any of you think that growing up with conditonal love from pretty much everyone affected you as a adult? I have been pondering this question as of late.

blondie

Yes and no.

Some don't shun if they can get away with it, either not be seen or not be held accountable for it. Some elders see their df'd children often as long as it is not advertised.

Some JWs are afraid they will be seen and DF'd themselves.

Some JWs hated/disliked these family members or witnesses when they weren't DF'd and now relish the opportunity to be mean and cruel to them.

I find most fall in category 2 and 3.

Blondie

mamochan13

"Do any of you think that growing up with conditonal love from pretty much everyone affected you as a adult? I have been pondering this question as of late."

sorry about that last partial post. Iforget, you have hit it exactly. Thank you for putting in words what I've always felt. I remember wishing someone loved me unconditionally when I was going through df hell.

I'm with Sassy on this one, although there are a few JW's who don't obey the rules - most families participate actively in shunning. During the year I was df'd, only my mother and my aunt would have anything to do with me, and it was limited. As strange as it sounds, I was playing in a band with my brother & sister at the time, and because they needed the job, we kept going. But they would only interact with me during actual performances. During breaks I sat by myself, and if I dared to join a table where either of them were sitting, they would get up and leave. Groups of JW's would come to hear us, and they would act like I was invisible. We all traveled to a resort to play a gig with kids & all, and was not even allowed to cross the threshold of their hotel door, even though my children were inside. I was shunned publicly and privately.

Once I left on my own and drifted away, they didn't actively shun me. But I'm pretty much excluded from most family things (although I choose not to associate even if asked). I'm an outsider.

Question... Do JWs shun Family?

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