my family doesn't even call to ask about the kids....even if they are in town, they never call to stop by. My mom and I used to be close...now I know her love for me was very conditional.....I've tried to build a bridge, but she likes to keep burning it down.....sorry XQ....that's the reality in most JW families.....
Question... Do JWs shun Family?
by Sassy 66 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Ghosthunter
I think my mother is more liberal than most JW's. She doesn't call me much, but I call her and she will talk to me a long time. We don't discuss religion, of course, but just general things about the family, etc. She's never not accepted my phone calls.
When my grandmother died 4 years ago, I nearly had a nervous breakdown thinking about all the family members that would shun me during the funeral. My grandmother was extremely special to me and was one of the few people that did not shun me when I was DF'd in 1983. Fortunately, my mother "talked" to my family members before the funeral and I was not shunned in my extreme state of grief. I love her for that.
I think it depends on who you are and how "high up" your family is in the "food chain" whether or not you are shunned by your family.
GH
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jwbot
- Does family shun you for being DF'd, DA'd or no longer participating?
Yes. My father, two sisters, brother-in-law, and nephews. My mother will talk to me if I call. I never get calls or visits.
- Or do they hide and talk to you but only when other active JWs can't see??
My family will follow the rules (and go beyond them since I was never baptized) no matter who is looking or not looking.
- Do they share meals with you?
No!
- Go shopping, see movies, do PUBLIC things with you?
My brother used to sneak out to see the movies with me but he has since "seen the light" and thinks I am bad association.
- Is your life the same with them when you were a JW, as when you are not?
No, and it hurts.
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ApagaLaLuz
My mother does not shun me, my father will talk to me only if I talk to him first. I went for a few years without any contact, till they got sick and needed my help, also so that they can have a relationship with their grandson, my nephew. The rest of my family completely shuns me. I also have 2 DF'd sisters who my family has had ZERO contact with for years. And I'm not even DF'd or DA'd.
I do agree with XQ to an extent. I think everyone's situation is a little bit different. The WTBS specifically says to not have ANY contact with those who are DF'd or DA'd, but I know that many still continue to have contact. In fact a very good friend of mine is DF'd, but she was very popular and had alot of friends while a JW. When she runs in to friends out in public many do continue to talk to her, though she doesnt associate with any. I think there is a more liberal generation being bred nowadays.
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SheilaM
((((((((hugggggzzzzzz)))))))))))))) To all being shunned by their loved ones......as you know mine aren't dubs but do the same thing.
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Iforget
It truly truly breaks my heart to read some of your pain. I went thru it for 5 years and then couldn't take it any longer. If it helps...you are not alone. You are not wrong. You are loved and supported here by people who without a flinch love you and know your pain.
I wish for peace and love for you all.
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dh
sorry if this thread was over, i just saw it now.
i can personally vouch for jw families NOT all shunning relatives. i just had a discussion with my mother about this a few minutes ago. she said that she would never shun me or my brother (my brother is df) and i left a long time ago, long before he was df'd, our relationship has never and will never change, she even went so far as to say that if the society or anyone tried to tell her she 'had to stop' seeing us, or shun us, she would explain her view on what she thinks is the actual scriptural meaning (which is the same as most people here) and if they want to do something about it, df her etc, then it doesn't matter, because they are wrong. this is the view of an elders wife.
my stepdad, an elder and 2 generations in shunned his own sister for 30 years pretty much, i guess because his view was more extreme when he was young, and his parents view, but now he has no issue with me or my brother, whenever we are together we are as a family, in fact all of our relationships with eachother are better now because there are no rules, only respect. my elder dad is helping my df brother with some work on his house as i write this.
i also know of many other jw families with df kids, many of whom are elders, who do not shun their kids AT ALL, they see it as a no brainer, they are family and you don't shun family, end of story.
my mom will say in no uncertain terms that she thinks that most df'ing is wrong, because it is done to people when they are at their weakest.
just my experiences.
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cyberguy
I agree with you "sassy!" Although I have not been DF?d (yet!), my (self-righteous, "elder") brother no longer talks to me anymore! I?m very distressed right now, but I?m not the one at fault here am I? You need to ask yourself a similar question!
I?m truly sorry to hear that you?ve been mistreated! DF?ing is a one of the worse doctrines of JW?s (and isn?t in the Bible, is it?) in my humble opinion. It?s simple awful! It isn?t scriptural, although JW?s will defend their JW/DF-policy, they really can?t justify it! Show me in the Bible where a "committee of three" meets in private, to decide the fate of some poor soul (even in the Mosaic Law--it doesn't exist; I wonder why?) And then tells the congregation that someone has been DF?d? This is a WT policy; however, there's nothing in the Bible that even comes close!
Take care! Please realize you have "family" here on this "board," who will take the place of your natural family, as you become acquainted and accepted!
Best Wishes! Hang-in-there! WARMEST LOVE! Many of us are in a similar position!
Mahalo!
Cyberguy!
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seeitallclearlynow
dh, that is really encouraging to hear; I love your mother's views/feelings on the subject. And your stepfather's too, though he may not have come right out and stated as much, he is showing by his actions that he agrees with her comments.