Why is it our lot as former members of the Watchtower organization to suffer so much emotional pain? Just when we think we have reached some level of putting it all behind us, something new pops up to bite us hard. A couple that I have been very close to just sent me a very sad e-mail. About 20 years ago they left the JWs and seemingly became atheist-agnostic. When I was an Elder, I traveled to their area to give them a "pep talk" only to be coolly received. Then one day, I called them, as I was in my own spiritual crisis. They took me in and helped me on my journey out of the Watchtower organization.
The last 12 years had proven to be very good as I moved ahead on my journey of discovery, change, and growth. I did not see them sitting in limbo, having their own struggle. Then, one day about a month or two ago, I get a call to go and review a certain web site that promotes the Watchtower Society, but only takes issue with certain doctrines. I thought it strange when they mentioned that the problem with ex-JWs is that they have gone nowhere better, no improved organization to serve God. But, I just kind of discounted this as some growth pains.
Yesterday, I get a long e-mail detailing how they finally got sick of ex-JW site, which only tell half-truths about the Watchtower Society. They went into how I am working and taking a stand against Jehovah. Finally, they talked about how they prayed, and asked Jehovah for help, and before long pride melted away, and they have seen the light. Their e-mail notified me that they were reinstated earlier this month. They concluded by urging me to leave the dark side, and return to Jehovah.
Sadly, they make some fair comment about the behavior of many ex-JWs. Although, they also misrepresented my positions to my own face. They know better than that, because I have never turned away from Jehovah, Jesus, or the Christian faith. I simply do not accept the twisted version of who Jehovah is that is promoted by the Watchtower. Nonetheless, the behavior and words of many ex-JWs and a number of ex-JW web sites had a share in causing them to return to the Watchtower Society.
I wrote an e-mail back to them. I addressed their e-mail in great detail, acknowledging both the flaws of many ex-JWs, but also the hope and comfort I find in Christ. It is too early to tell if anything I said will have any impact. My gut tells me that they will be back in the Watchtower for a while. I left the door open for them to always be friends, and to feel free to get back with me anytime they choose. I only asked that they not misrepresent me, and not minimize my faith any more than they want me to minimize theirs.
Lesson Learned: What we as former members of the Watchtower Society say on the Internet can do much good. We also have an equal power to cause harm. I am reflecting back on many of my posts, which were at times rancorous, and I now feel especially bad for that. Most of my difficult posts were done in parody to make a point crystal clear. (They were posted under my old screen name). Those posts were done as part of my public growth. Some of them, nevertheless, were not really useful in public. Over the years I have received many thankful calls about how I have helped others, and only a handful of calls or e-mail telling me what a bad person I am. Still, this recent situation is so very painful, because I have no idea exactly what I may have said that contributed to their decision to return to the Watchtower organization.
Are we here to help? Any web site or discussion board mission is solely under the control of its owner. Some sites want to help and provide a transition point. BRCI is a place for that. Some sites, like JWD have broader missions, which is fine. And the effort made by Simon and Co. to bump off sour grapes has likely been helpful. Other sites are so mean and rancorous that even experienced ex-JWs often avoid them. Many ex-JWs don't care one way or the other and their reason for being ambivalent vary greatly.
I am lost as to what to do. I suppose there is nothing I can do. So I will wait and pray. I cannot understand why God would let two great people go back and waste their lives in the Watchtower all over again. Perhaps there is something they did not resolve. Who knows? Perhaps they forgot the unfairness they experienced. I have no way of know for sure.
I can only hope that more and more ex-JWs will be more careful about what they say and write. I know that freedom is so very important to us. We of all know so well how a controlling organization can stifle the spirit. Yet, I still feel that somewhere in our world of discovery, freedom, and openness, we also need to show some sense of responsibility. Words do have power and they can cause great good and happiness or equally great harm and hurt.
Out of respect, I have chosen to not do anymore with this couple or to reveal their names. But, I will grieve for them the rest of my life. And, maybe from this experience, I will post even less, and use even fewer words. The old expression to ?weigh your words carefully? really hits home right now. I care more for these people than my pet discoveries and freedom of expression. Although, I cannot point to anything I have said to them that would have tipped the scales, I still have this sinking feeling that it is high time to have a reality check, and make some changes in the way I deal with people, the sites I recommend, and the level of information I share.
Thanks for reading my post. ? Jim W.