A Very Sad Shell-Shocking Day

by Amazing1914 45 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jgnat

  Amazing, your story on how you patiently got your whole family out gave me hope in my situation. You have helped more than you know.

  Your friends may have more trouble integrating in to the society than they think. The place has really dumbed down. The organization has finally twigged on to the fact that congregation members have difficulty recalling convention topics (perhaps because of the internet and sites like this). So a new arrangement has been lovingly provided, where convention topics will be re-reviewed in the months following. Some ex-people never pass the last hurdle of healing; blame. It is convenient to go through life blaming circumstances, God, others, for our problems. Perhaps this is the final hurdle your friends must overcome to be truly free. I will pray for them.

  Amazing, you are taking far too much personal responsibility for your friend's decision. At the end of the day, we must respect free will, as God does.
• 

  avishai

  I thought it strange when they mentioned that the problem with ex-JWs is that they have gone nowhere better, no improved organization to serve God.

  This tells me how much it is not your fault!!! These people were never "truly out". They just wanted an org. that worked totally to their beliefs. If that's not hubris, I don't know what is. If they wanted the "Reformed kingdom hall of Jehovah's witnesses" they should have started it themselves or looked into the many russelite spin offs.

  I'm sorry these folks were your friends, Amazing, but their obviously "cult junkies", dogs returning to their own vomit, and to take responsibility for their idiocy is NOT OK, and darn near an insult to the HUNDREDS of people you've helped on this board and elsewhere.

  (((((((((Amazing)))))))
• 

  codeblue

  Jim, I have just read your post and agree with everything you have said.

  I agree we should "carefully weigh our words"....for they do have a profound effect on the reader.

  Codeblue
• 

  Big Tex

  I think the exit from the Witnesses is a journey, and a sometimes ugly one at that. I think we all have our own issues that sometimes hinder or make this journey more difficult on us and those around us.

  Yes there are some who have chosen to be wrapped up in their own anger and are miserable human beings, but you can also make the same statement about the world in general. There are people I work with that I have no respect for and would never associate with them in any capacity. But that doesn't mean who they are has to change me. Part of freedom means we are now free to be whatever kind of person we want. Realize that some are going to make poor decisions.

  As for your friends, I can't help but wonder if their decision says more about their own inner conflicts than it does on external infuences. I've been hung in effigy on a couple of boards, but that's never once made me think for an instant about returning to the Witnesses. I live my life by my standard of right and wrong. I honestly believe the Witnesses are a borderline cult, or at least a high-control sect and their culture is one I want nothing to do with. So how someone conducts themselves on this board or others, doesn't affect that decision.

  Now if I were conflicted about that belief, and if I were looking for signs or indications about which way to go, then yes I could see where vitriolic, hate-filled and endless fighting over minutae on these boards could be viewed as a 'sign' to return to The Truth. However I maintain that would be more of an indication over my own conflict and my own inability to find empirical evidence to support a decision to leave. Because that would mean I am turning a blind eye toward the exact same behavior inside the organization as well as the flawed teachings.

  Still and all Amazing, I am sorry to hear your friends have returned. I feel badly for you.
• 

  Sassy

  The reasons that brought their doubts long ago, may come back to haunt them. We can only do what is in our own power for our own lives.. Even if we feel bad for those who have seen the hypocrasy and been sucked back in..
• 

  Lady Lee

  And another thing (I feel like the old woman wagging her finger in the air and firmly planting my hands on my hips)

  If being in a cult is so similar to any other kind of addiction then

  • not dealing with the underlying issues concerning why you need so much control in your life
  • blaming other people for your choice to follow the addiction
  • your choice to take the seemingly easy road instead of dealing with the real issues
  • the need for simple solutions to complex life problems

  Codependants to addicts are those who

  • accept the blame piled on them
  • try to "fix" the addict
  • wonder why are things such a mess

  Jim it is a shock but it isn't your fault

  Lee of the walking away and shaking my head at the insanity of it all class
• 

  stillconcerned

  The thing is, it's a HEART issue...

  If i lived my life tossed and swayed by the hate mail i get (and believe me, it comes...), i'd be miserable.

  I don't. My security is in Christ alone, not the opinions of others.

  I desire that my words be effective and useful, rather than destructive or harmful, but my words will not save anyone from himself/herself. Only God can do that.

  Jim, if God puts them on your heart for prayer, then pray. Beyond that, let God be God, cuz "nothing is impossible with God."

  Kimberlee d.
• 

  Preston

  I thought it strange when they mentioned that the problem with ex-JWs is that they have gone nowhere better, no improved organization to serve God. But, I just kind of discounted this as some growth pains.

  I read and re-read your experience Amazing and I thought it interesting how they equated XJW's with the lack of an "improved organization". Most people who I've known who left found "organization" in different ways. Do you think it was something they missed? The path of a person who leaves can be so diverse I never much put emphasis on where a person "should be". There's a lot of reasons why a person choses to be a JW.

  Yesterday, I get a long e-mail detailing how they finally got sick of ex-JW site, which only tell half-truths about the Watchtower Society. They went into how I am working and taking a stand against Jehovah.

  I found it ironic that their rejection of a web site led to their critcism of you. You didn't do anything wrong. I think its reactionary in a way how they said your leaving was seen as taking a stand against God. It's been my experience most people don't even think of their leaving as taking a stand. Just like in cruzanheart's post, she left the matter in God's hands. In any event I couldn't see anything you did wrong. You said it has been 20 years since they left, maybe returning will actually be a good thing for them (for the moment) so they can remember why they left in the first place.
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  myauntfanny

  JWs seem to have a habit of making other people responsible for their own feelings and choices. Like when they shun people and then say it is the shunned person's fault for abandoning Jehovah, or when they blame women for dressing in a way that they respond to sexually, etc. They're back in now, and in blaming you and other xjws, their acting how JWs act, that's all.

  I think it's also possible that your friends actually feel guilty towards you and so naturally, they want to make you feel guilty and they know a good way to do it.
• 

  myelaine

  I am lost as to what to do. I suppose there is nothing I can do. So I will wait and pray. I cannot understand why God would let two great people go back and waste their lives in the Watchtower all over again. Perhaps there is something they did not resolve. Who knows? Perhaps they forgot the unfairness they experienced. I have no way of know for sure.

  Dear Jim W.,

  I am sorry to hear of your friends and the grief that you are going through. I know what you are going through, as I have a "friend" too. I do still feel that perhaps I said the wrong thing or I didn't say enough. I continue to pray for my friend, knowing that I have lifted her up to God for Him to do his will in her life, has helped take some of the emotional burden from me. Thank you, Jesus. The problem they may have had is that they didn't have anything better to turn to for an organization. But what they didn't realize is that they shouldn't have turned to an organization, right? Organizations can lead people astray, God wont.You can only point them in the direction of God, it is up to them to choose Him.

  Praying for you and your friends,

  love michelle