My story, please read

by fairchild 108 Replies latest jw friends

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  fairchild

  First of all, thank you very much for taking the time to read this. I hope that I am putting this in the right forum.

  I have been roaming around this site for a couple of months now, and finally registered. I am in desperate need to tell my story.

  I grew up in Europe, in a pretty messed up family. Mom was a convinced protestant and dad was an equally convinced catholic. Needless to say that amny of the domestic arguments were about religion and who was right or wrong. When JW's came to the door, my mom was always extremely obnoxious to them and would slam the door so hard in their faces that the windows would be shaking. I felt embarrassed by this action and promised myself that somehow, some day, I would make it up to them and try to undo the wrong.

  Our family fell apart and the 4 children were put into orphanages. When I was 12, I got separated from my siblings and didn't see them again until 6 years later. In the meantime, religion kept me occupied, I wanted to find out which one of my parents had been 'right' after all. I studied as much about different religions as I could and read every book available to me. Around the age of 17, I came to the conclusion that the JW's were closer to the truth than anyone else, yet I didn't act on that conclusion.

  When it was time to go to college, I left the orphanage, got a job to support myself and rented a modest room in a city. One Sunday morning, JW's came knocking at my door. Seeing this as my chance to make up for my mom's rudeness, I invited them in, made tea and offered cookies. We had a long talk, and lo and behold, I agreed to a bible study. Because of work and college, there was not much time and the study went slow. I liked what I was learning and started going to the meetings. At one time, I lost my job because of illness and didn't even have money for food. It were the JW's who brought me food and made sure I survived those tough days. Then, shortly after that, I reunited with my sister, only to find out that she had also developed a great interest in religions during the years that we were separated. During that same year, my sister started a bible study with JW's, got baptized and has been a pioneer ever since. I finished the 'you can live forever in a paradise' book around the same time I finished college. My urge for adventure took me to Africa, Greece, France, and many years of wandering around without having contact with JW's.

  I moved to the USA in the winter of 1992. As soon as I was settled in, I looked in a local phone book and contacted JW's. They cordially invited me to come to the meetings, which I did. I started another bible study in 1994 and studied the knowledge book. I read the bible several times. Due to work, it became impossible for me to go to the Sunday and Thursday meetings, but I kept attending the Tuesday meetings ever so dutifully.

  We are now approaching the year 2005, I am again going to all the meetings and most of my friends are JW's. However, I don't feel that 'love' for God, and I certainly don't feel that he listens when I pray, which I do every day. After talking about this with an elder, he suggested I study some more, and I am currently studying the book 'worship the true God'. Everybody is always real nice to me at the kingdom hall and I like hanging out with people after the meetings. Yet, in my mind there's this little voice that says I'm not worthy and Jehovah does not approve of me.

  I don't doubt that we were created. As a matter of fact, anyone in their right (open) mind should realize that we cannot possibly have come to life by chance. No doubt about that at all. I also don't doubt that God's name is Jehovah and that we should worship him- if anything, out of gratitude for life- and do what is right. It doesn't take an idiot to figure out that things such as stealing and murdering are wrong. Although I can not give you too many details, there is an aspect in my life that goes seriously against biblical principles. It is something that I can not change without disrupting my life drastically. Sorry I can't give more details about this. From what I understand, Jehovah needs to see an effort first, before He helps.. so I'm kind of stuck and don't know what to do.
• 

  Fleur

  Welcome to JWD, fairchild. I hope that you will find comfort and important information here.

  Before you commit to joining the JW's, I would recommend that you research their history first. Read all you can about how they have come to be what they are and how they conduct business within the religion. Learn all you can about the subjects of shunning before you get into the baptism pool.

  You have been through so much already in your life, proceed with caution in your studies and be really sure of what you're doing before you join up with them.

  Again, welcome.

  hugs

  essie
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  outoftheorg

  Hello Fairchild,

  Welcome to this forum. I am sure that by now you recognize that most of us on this forum are ex jw's and no longer active in the religion.

  Some here after much study of the bible have come to have problems with the teachings.

  Many if not more were severly damaged by the constant demands of the wbts and one way or another ended up disfellowshiped, then shunned.

  Causing the breakup of marriages, families and much pain.

  It may surprise you to discover that what the wbts looks on as going against bible principles is not always supported in the bible.

  Regardless. you will find people here willing to chat with you on all the issues humanity faces and not dismiss you as a useless or evil person.

  Again welcome.

  Outoftheorg
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  Happy Guy :)

  The elder's advice was to study more, hmm. I think that's kind of like non advice (maybe because he is not equiped to give advice on life's more serious matters?). Have you considered getting counselling from a qualified professional like a psychologist or psychiatrist? Since you are obviously under some kind of personal stress and distress, this may be of more help to you then simply reading more Wacthtower literature.
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  sandy

  Hi fairchild. As you can tell by reading our posts all of us here do not believe J-dubs have the one true religion. My advice to you is that you look deeper into the things you are learning.

  If your child was going to die and the only hope of saving them is a blood transfusion would you be able to say no to the transfusion and let your child die?

  If your child was sexually abused by a JW member and there are no witnesses to testify on behalf of your child, would you be able to stand it, that the abuser suffers no concequences within the congregation, simply because he denies the allegation?
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  fairchild

  Hi Fleur,

  Thank you so very much for the quick reply. Yes, I have done quite some research, as a matter of fact, and I won't deny that there is one thing that really puzzles me, but that might be a different topic some day. It is the fact that JW's originated as an organization just in the past century. What about all the centuries before that?

  But nevertheless, I don't think I want to be a part of 'this world' with so much suffering and so much wickedness. A lot of people are selfish and indeed do love money more than they love each other. I feel that the best way to live might be to read the sermon on the mount carefully and try to live by it. We all know that this is not easy, and there's a fine line between being good to people and having people take advantage of you. Yes, I do want to be baptized, but because of the one change which is impossible for me to make, I probably can't get baptized anyway.

  Thank you again, being a member of this site is a comfort to me.
• 

  under74

  Welcome fairchild. I'm glad you came to the forum. I'm sorry for the troubles that you're going through. I'm going to reiterate what others are saying in their posts in that you should learn as much as you can about the WTS before making the decision to stay.
  
  Also in what you say here:
  
  "Although I can not give you too many details, there is an aspect in my life that goes seriously against biblical principles. It is something that I can not change without disrupting my life drastically. Sorry I can't give more details about this."
  
  I'm not going to pry but can it really be that bad? (you don't have to answer me)
  Ask yourself--Is it against Bible teachings or against Jehovah's Witness teachings? There is a difference and I hope you stay around the forum long enough to see that difference and also that there are many people here going through what you are.
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  fairchild

  hi outoftheorg,

  Your forum name brought a smile to my face, I must admit. Thank you for the warm welcome.

  I choose this site after much browsing, becuse there are not that many sites where people can talk about the JW's religion. I am hoping to read much about everyone's thoughts. Someone told me once that some lecture is 'forbidden' to JW's, but personally I don't think it hurts to keep an open mind and hear other people's opinions, both positive and negative. It's like buying a car I guess, one likes to hear the qualities and the disadvantages of a particular brand.

  My best friend, who is a JW, her youngest son got disfellowshipped after marrying a non believer. I've seen the pain from a close distance. It is all so complicated, and I often wonder about myself. The thing is, so far I have liked what I learned about the bible. I do believe, however, that there is a huge difference between the congregations. I've been to several different kingdom halls (because I used to move around a lot) and have to say that some congregations were like really united and others were divided. Perhaps it depends on which congregation one is a member of and how people act within the congregation..
• 

  Fleur

  Yes, I do want to be baptized, but because of the one change which is impossible for me to make, I probably can't get baptized anyway.

  Dear fairchild,

  You seem like such a kind and sweet soul, what could it be about you that you cannot change that would prevent you from being baptized? Whatever it is, I believe that people are born to be who they are. Meaning that if you're born with certain traits, orientations, or anything of the sort, that you were born that way just as if you were born with blue eyes or brown eyes. As long as your actions do not harm others, then what is the issue with being acceptable to god?

  You said that you believe that JW's are 'closer to the truth than anyone else', why is that? I would recommend that you research their history FULLY, read as much as you can on this site, I also recommend a site called www.freeminds.org that will take you to all kinds of very important information about how the Watchtower Society came to be and the real issues that need to be known before anyone commits to joining this religion.

  I personally don't believe that JW's have all the answers. I was born and raised as a JW, most of my family is still. But I'm not choosing to raise my child as a Witness. Why? Because I don't ever want what happened to me, to happen to her. The thought that she could be disfellowshipped, cut off from every friend she ever had growing up and the family she needed at the time, because she divorced a man who treated her badly and married one who treats her like gold, is unthinkable to me. That I would be expected by the congregation to shun her if she took such action to make her life better, to be happy, is unthinkable to me.

  But I know it can happen. Because it happened to her mother. It happened to me.

  Please don't be down on yourself for whatever you believe is 'keeping' you from becoming a JW. I am not sure at this point in my life what or who god is, (agnostic) but I do believe that if he is up there, that no organization is needed to have a relationship with him. Your love and faith is all that is needed, that's what the Bible says, anyway. Anyone exercising faith in him and his son, right? So what is the need of a big religion for that?

  Keep posting, keep asking questions, and keep learning. I am happy that you found your way here.

  hugs

  essie

  edited for typos because it is very late and I am very tired. Goodnight all :)
• 

  Happy Guy :)

  I don't think I want to be a part of 'this world' with so much suffering and so much wickedness. A lot of people are selfish and indeed do love money more than they love each other.

  This comment is interesting. Being a JW doesn't shelter one from these things. There are thousands of alleged vitims of child and spousal abuse within the JW group. While I did meet some very wonderful JWs I also know many wonderful non JWs. The most selfish people I ever met in my entire life were a JW couple who were obsessed with money and status. They were part of that so called JW elite with many family involved some at higher levels of the organization. Their family was rampant with sexual abuse of minors and they seemingly derived a personal pleasure from being malicious and underhanded towards others.