Hi Fairchild. Hey I got it right!!
You ask why did I leave the org. after such a long time in it?
Well It was not due to one thing or occurance. Since I was raised in this cult, actually born into it, it is somewhat like your mind/brain is hard wired to function as a defender of this faith. One defends it not only to outsiders or non believers but also to ones self and between the believers.
Having a pragmatic personality, being taught to believe and having life experience that does not agree with the teachings, results in lots of cognitive dissonance.
This left me with two disturbing emotions, constantly feeling that I was not intelligent enough to master all these teachings from the bible and a slow simmering anger with no definite direction.
For example, I was told that I ought to be an elder. I replied that I did not feel qualified. Their reply was, there are two sins. Those of comission and those of omission and I would be commiting the sin of omission if I did not accept their requirements.
The wbts publications claim that the elders are spirit directed and I now an elder, new damned well that I was not spirit directed. At the elder meetings and at other times I would look around me and see that none of the other elders were spirit directed. They for the most were ignorant and some were very arrogant and hostile in their dealings with each other .
Then after about 4 yr's. the one who said I must, tells me I am not service minded enough and he won't sign a letter of recognition for my move out of state to another congregation. The CO tells the little tyrant that he has to sign it.
I moved to the new congregation and they knew I was coming. On the day of our arrival 1 of the 4 elders came to my house. He was anxious to meet me and told me there was a problem in the body of elders. It became obvious that I was being reqruited to make this a 3 to 2 situation and he would win
The problem that had so terrified and corrupted this group of elders was that they had been given quite a number of old theater seats to use in their little kingdom hall. Then two of the elders had judged that many of the chairs left over were useless and took them to the county trash dump.
WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE OTHER TWO. This was when I decided I no longer would be an elder. Sin of omission or not. This so enraged this elder that he sold his house and left town.
Right before of all this, I had lived through the 1975 debacle and fast losing faith in the wbts.
So now, I was trying to slowly fade away. My wife and children and siblings and inlaws and cousins etc. were all in the cult. So this has to be done on the side and keep quiet.
Things changed in this area we lived in and jobs got scarce. So I did what I always wanted to do and bought a franchise and opened my own business. Another subtle NO NO in the jw world.
I really loved being my own boss and having this business. Then wife becomes suicidal, son has a motor cycle crash and I find out my now adult daughter had been molested at 14 by an elder, her uncle had fondeled her genitals.
I found this out because a non jw cousin of hers had claimed that he had molested her also and this caused my daughter to tell me. Statue of limitations is expired. Police were interested and made notes but could not act.
Word got around and several other sisters made complaints also. It was taken to the elders. They of course showed complete disdain for the cousin, since she is not a jw she must be a liar.
Well even with all those sisters involved, the elders were told by the legal desk to drop the charges and leave this rapist in good standing.
I told the elders that my daughter was devastated at this decision and they told me that it was up to me to make her accept it. At that point I told the elders "very graphicly" that they need the s**t beaten out of them and a few more suggestions.
Well relations between me and the local elders seemed to go down hill. I still wonder why. After all aren't they spirit directed, kind, loving, forgiving leaders of the flock??
Things remained the same for this elder for about another 5 yrs, and then there must of been some more complaints, because my daughter was asked to talk to the elders again about him and then he was removed as an elder. STILL A JW IN GOOD STANDING.
Now a little more than a year ago this elder is charged again and FINALLY he is df'd. Even though he showed up at his daughters house with a pistol and raving about suicide, aprehended by the police swat team, then spent a few days in the psych ward, I am sure the kind and loving elders will soon reinstate him for the congregations benefit.
Back to the suicide/crash.
My now X wife, like so many women in the wbts had been molested by her brother. Her mother set her up to be molested by the mothers boyfriends. I took her to a counselor and psychiatrist. Another No No for jw's.
She was told that her depression was due to severe anger being stuffed and not addressed. It was suggested that she challenge her brother and her mother who set her up to be molested with her anger and not to continue to stuff the anger.
She did. Things did not work well. Now her siblings were up in arms that she would even bring this up. Her mother was doing the oh poor me thing and claiming this would be too much for her son to deal with. No one seemed to care if the victim of these people was in pain.
It seems that jw's follow the guidance of the wbts and would rather conceal,deny and overlook anything of this nature. Surely one should not challenge the source of ones suicidal thoughts, if it might make the family or the org. look bad.
Yet another quandary= cognitive dissonance for the wife. Then she suddenly can't stand the sight of me. For 22 yrs. I am the best thing since sliced bread. Then all of a sudden she hates my guts. I mean true hatred. It was so bad that divorce court sentenced her to a year and $1000.00, they Then set it aside IF she obeyed the court for those 12 months.
The psych tells me that he thought this may happen. He called it missdirected anger. Anger due to the relatives now no longer stuffed, but to keep the loving family she never really had, she removed her anger from them and directed it to the one closest to her. Me. He said this often happens.
During all of this time, rather than trying to be of some help, the elders encouraged her acts and her conduct. My son told the elders that If I deserved to be df'd so did his mother. He was told to mind his own business.
Once again I took my lance and charged the elders. Now they had a legitimate charge against me.
I was df'd on charges of "fits of rage". For once they got it right. I wonder why I was in a rage.
Any one care to offer a guess? Now don't talk miss directed anger to me, I'll slap ya.
There is more, but I am tired of typing.
Wonder of wonders, the anger I mentioned earlier subsided not long after all contact with the wbts the ex wife and the elders were severed.
Outoftheorg
