Hey, BearMan… much peace to you, ‘O Fluffy One!
SIGH! Ahhh, Dbear… look, let me ‘lay it on the line’ for you, if I can…
The easiest way I can think of to explain it to you is to recount what my son (age 19) said to me last night when I asked him to show me how to ‘play the game’ the way people play it. He said the same thing that my father, mother, brother, sister, husband, daughter (age 23) and some friends have said: “Forget it, Mom. It’s just not in you. You’ll never get it. You just aren’t cut out for it. Just be yourself.”
What he meant, Dbear, and what I was asking him was how do I tell people what they want to hear… rather than the truth? I am sorry, but I cannot. I don’t know HOW. I have TRIED, I promise you… but it doesn’t work for me. Never has. Can’t tell you how many teachers and bosses that got me in trouble with: ask me a straight up question, and I’m going to give you a straight up answer. And I’m going to tell the truth, no matter WHAT you want to hear. I just try to do it in kindness and love.
I find it funny that some of you don’t think me ‘human’. Do I want to be liked? Of course… I’m human. I mean, I would LOVE to be a name on a list of ‘favorites’; I would LOVE to come onto the board and slap high fives and have everyone say, “What’s up, Shelby?” But I would have to lie to you all to get that from you. And I can’t. Your ‘price’… is, too, high for me.
It’s NOT me, Danny. I DON’T know this stuff, I promise you. I am NO different than you, other than I DO know who’s talking to me, whose telling me things that I never even thought to ask. If I told you it was me… I would be lying to you all. And I can’t do that. I am sorry, but I can’t. Sometimes I WANT to… just so’s some of you will back off and be a bit nicer. But… it’s not in my mouth to say, it’s not in my fingers to type, it’s not in my mind to THINK it… because it’s not in my heart. What’s in my heart is the truth, and that is what I tell you all.
I know that many of you are not my friends and have no desire to be. But that is no matter; it is I that must be YOUR friend. And a friend… does not lie to a friend. If I lied to you… what kind of friend would I be? And if I lied to you about a most important thing like this, if I said, “Yeah, okay, it’s all me,” just to appease you and stop you from ridiculing me and instead like me… what would stop me from lying to you about ANYTHING… just to gain your approval?
In truth, I don’t understand that way of thinking, Danny. I don’t know how to say something to someone just for the sake of gaining their approval, even if it’s a lie. And to be honest, that is the ‘game’ that people ‘play’ that I don’t understand the ‘rules’ to. For me, it’s like a ‘dizzy blonde’ (sorry, bad comparison and absolutely no offense intended, but just trying to make a point…) trying to understand football. I just don’t GET it. I don’t GET why you all would rather hear something that is not true… over something that is. To feel better? Lies make you feel better? I am sorry, but I don’t ‘get’ that.
Anyway, Dbear, I have tried to accept everyone here… and on H20 ‘as they are’. But if gaining your approval means I have to deny something I am, deny what I hear, and deny who I hear it from… I guess I will never reach that particular ‘height’. Please know that I feel very badly about that, but those are YOUR ‘rules’… not mine.
John 1:47
Peace to you, BearMan… to time indefinite.
I am YOUR friend, YOUR servant… and always, ALWAYS… a slave of Christ,
SJ