I just posted a reply to Shelby aka Aguest on another thread. I can say it was the most emotional post of my life here at Jw.com. I don't want it lost. I know there is more to add, I only scratched the surface. Many who knew me from when I started posting my "God is love" message all over this board, will understand the change I have undergone. Those who do not know me from way back, may not understand this post. Anywho I want some feedback if possible, I would love to hear it.
Shelby,
I no longer believe in god, not the one you talk to. And to be perfectly honest I would not have read this thread, if MD didn't mention it in chat. I will tell you this, at one time I was a very religious person. Everyday of my life I prayed and talked to god. I raised my children to have "faith" and love for this person(entity?) I lived everyday, treating others as god would treat them. Accepting them as imperfect, and understanding their quirks. I realized that the god of the bible is not perfect as he claims. He never gave a step by step as some claim he has. He left alot of unanswered questions in my heart(maybe because he never talked to me directly) He doesn't have a wife(bad sign) He lets innocent people die. And helps others with their panic attacks(?). He talks to some, and the rest he remains a mystery. He allows thousands of different beliefs in him, and thousands of religions. He stands by and watches as people kill themselves in his name, and their own family in his name. He destroys families. He lets people suffer who have served him their whole life. He allows evil people to die a quick and painless death. He is the biggest con artist on earth.
He promises what? Eternal life on earth? Eternal life in heaven, pick a religion for where you want to be in the afterlife. Your name written down in the good book? A life filled with happiness? Peace of heart? Children with the ability to be children, with no pain, or the bleak outlook of a future? No more suffering, for who? Us, now in this life we lead or 1000 years from now, after we are but dirt again? What of the millions now dead? What of the day in and day out troubles and pain he does not even bother with? What of the children who have to endure pain, and the families that have to live with having them, only a short time? What of the pain of the lost loved ones? What of the good we do everyday in his name, only to be spit on by him? How does he comfort that? Or how does he allow that to even happen to begin with? I could go on and on, but I am crying now...
This man you worship, is shit Shelby. He is not a real person. He is a product of your imagination, he is the product of people who want answers(like myself at one time) He will forsake you, he will leave you breathless with his cruelty. He is not there to begin with.
You have a purpose, with him in your life. I am glad, everyone needs a purpose. But I can tell you, the same love you spread, can be spread without him. I know. I no longer believe in god, but I am a very loving, open minded person, who accepts people as they are. I do not expect them to live up to a certain agenda, that can be translated into several different things. I do not expect people to follow rules, that are not clearly written in the first place. I allow for the gray area in life, human imperfection. I do not expect people to change their personalities because "they should be doing it a certain way" I love when a person shouts I AM FREE AND HAPPY. I love when people can look in the mirror and have no regrets. This is what makes this life wonderful Shelby, being happy constantly. Not just when you feel you are pleasing someone.
This has gotten long, and I am not even done yet. There is no need for a reply. I have heard, and probably said everything you will tell me. I just wanted to let you know, from one ex believer to a believer, you need to look at the other side for a sec. It is not so dark. The love you have in your heart, will be accepted as yours, not as someone who is making you do it. This is more precious than anything, giving, with no chance of reward.
I love ya Shelby, for the patience and love you have. But I am shocked that you want to credit another for this. This is you, enjoy it, I do!
I am not speaking to you from someone who never knew him. I knew and loved that man. I lived my life for him, and wanted to spread the love myself. But if you really look at it. There is no love from him, no love at all. He is fooling you shelby, you are fooling yourself.
love and peace,
wendy
In a controversy the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.