by PClark 44 Replies latest jw friends
This push to make you comply, and the guilt associated with your internal resistance, is exactly what a cult is all about.
You've been around long enough. By their reconning, you have had enough love-bombing. They are gonna start pressing you to comply.
Get out while your inner voice is loud enough.
Perhaps I am a tad skeptical... or perhaps it is the strange happenings here lately... but I need help understanding this...
"I have been visited by a local jw woman weekly for almost 4 years and started weekly study about 1 year ago. Friday things took a more serious turn and I am very uncomfortable.
I need advise on how to stop the meetings (without being offensive) and still get away from this madness before it gets out of control." So - a JW has been making return visits for 4 years? You then - after 4 years of their coming to your home... perhaps leaving magazines(?) decided to 'study' with them? They then started - and held a bible study with you for _1_ year? WOW!!! I left/quit going in 1982-ish... and back then, I believe they were trying to 'streamline' the indoctrination process... didn't the 'truth' book make it the '6-month plan'? This whole thing smells odd. Regards, Jim TX
Jim: The "six month rule" expired many, many moons ago. Most pioneers will not drop a study who isn't making rapid progress anymore, because studies are so hard to get and they eat up the hours -- I knew a "pioneer elder" in my last congo who almost never went out in service, and when he did show up he usually had a "study" to go on, often by himself! He had 9 to 12 studies at any given time. Many of these studies lasted up to 3 hours! That means he was getting somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 hours per study, per month. Do the math! I know many, if not all of these studies lasted WAY past the six month mark. I believe this is relatively typical scenario in many congos.
I find that a NO PREACHING (or NO JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES) sign on the front door works like a charm.
The problem with informing your "teacher" face to face about your wish to terminate the study is that there is likely going to be the inevitable "BUT WHY??????" If this is the route you choose to take, remember that you are not required to answer if you do not want to answer.
You can also merely say something along the lines of "I enjoy discussing the Bible, but I have absolutely NO desire to attend meetings at the Kingdom Hall or become a Jehovah's Witness EVER. The pressure is making me very uncomfortable with you and I've decided it's time to stop wasting my time and your time on continuing this study."
If that's how you feel, then you're really doing them a favour. They don't want to waste months and years on what they call an Unproductive Study?. Don't forget, you aren't really a person to them, you're one of their Bible Studies? and a set of statistics (hours, Bible Study, magazine and book placements) on their monthly Field Service Report?. Getting you to the KH is like a fisherman showing off his trophy fish.
See the proud look-what-I-caught!! smiles on these guys? That's the same look a JW has on their face when they bring a Bible Study? to the Kingdom Hall. Don't worry about hurting their feelings. You don't want to be a trophy fish, and they will get over it a lot more easily than you imagine.
Love, Scully
Try not to feel too bad, many JWs would be more upset about losing those precious hours that they can tally up with a nice warm confortable study.
Remember many icluding myself were forgotten the instant they moved away, got Df or DAs. So you are not going to rate highly with them being upset cos they love you.
You owe them nothing, just politely say no more thankyou!!!
It feels horrible when you think you have to reject someone, but they are thick skinned and are used to it, and they wont take it personally, believe me
PClark-
You will be asked the standard guilt-inducing series of questions like;
But, where did you learn God's name was Jehovah?
Were you not thrilled to learn that God has a 'people for his Name'?
You have made so much progress, why throw that away and lose out on life?
I wish I had had the guts to just walk away 30 years ago. But I, like many here, swallowed hook line and sinker. You have not - so just tell them that you wish no further contact. I sensed in your posts that you are afraid that you will lose the friendship of this witness when you discontinue the study, that she will stop coming over. She might. But your future is involved. The natural terminus of a study with Jehovah's witnesses is becoming one of Jehovah's witnesses. If you do not wish that to be the case - then there is only one answer - terminate the study.
Good luck to you
Jeff
I learned a technique to turn away high-pressure salesmen years ago, that works like a charm. This same technique works well with JW's. Know first off what you want. "I am not interested in your product." Expect that several objections and questions will be posed to you. Always answer the same, regardless of what is posed to you. After about five tries, the most persistent salesman will give up. A typical conversation goes something like this:
Seller: Good evening ma'am, are you interested in saving money? (instruction sheet, get the householder to say "yes")
Me: What are you selling?
Seller: Just this week we have a special offer in your neighbourhood that can save you hundreds and thousands of dollars. Do you like saving money, ma'am? (instruction sheet, get the householder to say "yes". If she says "yes" three times in a row, she might say yes to the fourth.)
Me: What are you selling? If you don't tell me now, I am hanging up. (Daughter in background. Do you have to be so rude, mom?)
Seller: (Thrown off sales pitch, run finger to pitch ten) Um, uh, for this brief time only I am authorized to offer you this deal that saves you thousands of dollars in real estate fees if you buy a time share in Musky Hollows Cross Country Ski Resort, located in a year-round paradise of Ice and Snow, the untouched wilderness of Antarctica.
Me: I am not interested.
Seller: But ma'am, did I mention that you receive, absolutely free, a pair of genuine sealskin mukluks..
Me: Mukluks are tempting, but I am still not interested.
Seller: Ma'am, I am only one buyer short of my quota. If you buy this time share, I will receive a bonus which will help me finish my graduate degree in cosmetology. You don't want to disappoint an energetic young buck like myself, do you, so close to a promising career? Stuck in this dead-end job the rest of my life?
Me: That is too bad, I feel for you, I do, but I am still not interested.
...and so on.
Like others have said, you do not owe strangers an explanation for your decision, it is completely your own affair.
Scully, that illustration is priceless, and so true! I have seen that triumphant smile more than once in my local Kingdom hall. Double points if they get the person to baptism ("Let's prepare for the District Assembly!")
Hi!
Ask this person politely that she's welcome into your home but not to talk about religious matters.
I heard from a pioneer sister that this is how a long-term study of hers told her and this is why she no longers visits this person. The person very nice and politely told her that she didn't care of her religion was true or false, she just wasn't interested in the hurried and closed minded lifestyle JWs lead.
The pioneer sister says that she's glad this person told her this rather than make her continue to waste her time.
DY
the best way to when your study teachers show's up. stop her at the door. say do you have a piece of paper. then tell her to put you on the do not call list right now. thank you for your time. but i'm now on the do not call list. have a nice day. close the door and forget it. never let her get one word in. john
JWs are trained to "overcome objections". Giving them a reason for terminating the study will only encourage them to keep talking at you. Tell them you don't want them to come anymore and that you will not discuss your reasons. You are under no obligation. Be aware that some JWs are quite stupid in this regard, and being verbally abusive may be the only thing that works, or perhaps telling them you'll call the police and file a harassment complaint if they come again.
