Gumby's Sunday Bible Study in Genesis

by gumby 36 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • gumby
    gumby
    Good morning boys and girls, today we shall learn of a championship wrestler in the bible named Jacob. This man was so strong he even beat Jehovah in a wrestling match......can you believe that!!!!??????

    This story begins shortly after Jacob the wrestler tries to make up to his big tough mean redhaired brother cuz he knew his brother was mad at him for lying to their dad with the help of mom and stole his inheritance. He gives his brother a bunch of animals and stuff........, :the part in ( ) will be covered in the adult class

    .....and now the wrestling match with Jehovah begins.

    During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female slaves, and his 11 sons, and crossed the ford of Jabbok.

    He took them and brought them across the stream, along with all his possessions.

    Jacob was left alone, and a man (Jehovah), wrestled with him until daybreak.
    When the man saw that He could not defeat him, He struck Jacob's hip as they wrestled and dislocated his hip socket. ( apparently Jehovah was a better magician than he was a wrestler)
    Then He said to Jacob, "Let Me go, for it is daybreak." ( Jacob prolly had him in a full nelson)

    But Jacob said, "I will not let You go unless You bless me." ( Jehovah's now in a headlock)
    "What is your name?" the man asked. ( apparently the headlock made Jehovah forget who he was wrestling with)

    "Jacob!" he replied.

    "Your name will no longer be Jacob," He said. "It will be Israel because you have struggled with God and with men and have prevailed." ( Jehovah still thinks he's hotshit enough ....even after he lost the match.... to boss Jacob around)
    Then Jacob asked Him, "Please tell me Your name." ( these wrestling matches were so common with gods in those days that Jacob didn't know who the hell he was fightin)

    But He answered, "Why do you ask My name?" And He blessed him there. ( Jehovah didn't want to bring reproach on himself for losin the wrestling match so he used theocratic warfare)

    Jacob then named the place Peniel, "For," [he said,] "I have seen God face to face, and I have been delivered." ( Jacob was one of the rare privledged who could look god in the face and not melt)

    Thank you boys and girls. Next week we'll learn if Jacob ever finally got beat up by his red hairy mean mad brother or not.

    *I got a bet goin with all the parents in the backroom that since Jacob whipped Jehovers arse......he can take the red head. I'll put 20 bucks on Jacob.( no peekin ahead either

    Gumby
  • Narkissos
    Narkissos

    Hi Gumby,

    Your sunday school is fun.

    There is a short echo of this story (perhaps older than Genesis) in Hosea 12:5(4):

    He (Jacob) strove (srh, like Genesis 32:29 for the pun on Israel; the only two instances of this verb in the OT) with the angel and prevailed,
    he (Jacob, or the angel?) wept and sought his favor.

    The divine wrestler appears as a night demon who (like our vampires) must disappear before dawn. Interestingly Yhwh plays a similar role in Exodus 4:24ff:

    On the way, at a place where they spent the night, Yhwh met him and tried to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son's foreskin, and touched Moses' feet with it, and said, "Truly you are a bridegroom of blood to me!" So he let him alone. It was then she said, "A bridegroom of blood by circumcision."
    Might be an interesting study for another Sunday...
  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts
    Jacob then named the place Peniel

    the name of the place makes me wonder if he was wrestling with an angel or his penis..

    he beat it all night long, begging it to bless him..........

    yeah .that works for a twisted mind like mine lmao

    (HEY its as good of an interpretation as ANY!)

  • gumby
    gumby
    The divine wrestler appears as a night demon who (like our vampires) must disappear before dawn.

    If I was a bad wrestler....I'd rather lose in the dark too! I wonder if Jehovah lost his robe in the fight?

    Candynuts........your ovulating again ain't ya? You always get frisky when you do and you know it.

    Gumby

  • GetBusyLiving
    GetBusyLiving

    Hmm, wonder why this story wasn't included in the "Bible Story Book"?

  • gumby
    gumby

    Could someone at least just tell me what it was exactly about this thread in that like only two people commented. I can take it. Is it my rash or sumthin?

    Gumby

  • pepheuga
    pepheuga

    gumby,

    i'm too busy wrestling with my snake to wrestle with my mouse......

    pepheuga

  • candidlynuts
    candidlynuts

    ovulating? OVULATING? ...........probably.. havent laid an egg since yesterday

  • gumby
    gumby
    havent laid an egg since yesterday

    I wouldn't be talkin too loud around here little missy.....theres a buncha weirdo guys who loiter around here just waitin to fertilize eggs. They act like freakin salmon or sumthin!

    Gumby

  • wednesday
    wednesday
    During the night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female slaves, and his 11 sons, and crossed the ford of Jabbok.

    He took them and brought them across the stream, along with all his possessions.

    Jacob was left alone, and a man (Jehovah), wrestled with him until daybreak

    first the "paste " won't work. anyway, Gumby, I'm confused. If jacob took his 2 wives and all those other people across the stream, how could he be alone?

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