I hate to rain on you party
No Hondo, I want people to rain on my parade. I am not a jw so I do not wish to live in fantasy and immerse myself in delusion. If I am off on something I want to know about it.
Wife joining, but I don't want the kids to get all brainwashed
by Check_Your_Premises 51 Replies latest jw experiences
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Check_Your_Premises
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Seeking Knowledge
Hopefully your wife is nothing like my ex in that department. When it comes to our son, it's his way or the highway. I've asked him to explain to him that we have different beliefs and "this is how mommy does it and this is how daddy does it" and you know what?? He doesn't care! He'll do it the way he wants it done and what I say doesn't matter. I have never downplayed his beliefs to my son other than telling him that daddy has different ones. He's still a bit too young to understand, all he knows is he goes to "keemo hall" and "meeting" and that's about it. I read to him from a kids bible, I take him to my church and until this gets settled legally, he will have access to both.
I hope your wife will see the big picture and put your kids first, but my experience says that will never happen. Especially when she's getting pressure from her "church" to have your children learn the "real" truth.
Good for you to keep at this CYP...don't give up! Kids are pretty smart, they will come to their own conclusions if they have choices, and that is what it's all about...choices!
SK
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Check_Your_Premises
I told her this morning before I left for work that I was sorry I lost my temper. I told her I was afraid to speak because I was afraid my temper would again get the best of me. But I did want her to understand why I was so upset. I think I have found a good description of what this is for a non-jw husband to have his wife join. I thought I would share it with you, in the hopes that it helps others in my situation understand their pain.
"I feel like you are leaving me to marry another man. I didn't have all the answers for you, and I never pretended I did. I know I don't so I never could pretend such a thing. I guess that is what you wanted, a man with all the answers. Sometimes it is best to act like you have all the answers because it makes everyone feel better that someone knows what is going on. So I think you feel you have found that. Well they don't have all the answers, they just say they do. No man does. Someday you will find out that they don't. "
"So will someone be giving you away?"
Hondo, this is what I posted on the previous thread titled, "how do I keep her from leaving me". It was what I told her in reference to her upcoming baptism. All I can say is that I know exactly how you feel. Your sentiments matched mine exactly. I can't stop her, I can't worry about that so much anymore. I will keep trying, but right now my primary concern is to make sure the kids are not indoctrinated as well, and we have an intact home. So actually you aren't raining on my parade. You are encouraging me that your children didn't join. Unfortunately I also concede, that If she is still apart of this when they graduate from highschool, I doubt there will be much left of us. But then it won't matter anymore, will it?
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Check_Your_Premises
That is so awful SK. I am so sorry. I wish they had some respect for the "unbelieving" mothers. Well at least the courts will show you some respect. I hope you get custody. Even if it is joint custody, you will have time alone to tell them it is ok to not believe what they say. Did you marry him before he became a jw? Did he join after you were married? Usually it is the woman who joins. Usually if the guy is in, it is because he married while da or df, and then he goes back?
So sorry. Clearly another example of family happiness, jw style.
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Seeking Knowledge
Thanks CYP
We were never married...engaged yes, married no. (The engagement came before the pregnancy) he was not "practicing" his parents pretty much disowned him, etc. When our son was born is when they really started the pressure with him (I know this now). Before I knew it he was engaged & then married (within 6 months) and never told me. He never had our son at his wedding, nothing. This is when I started my quest to get some information and here I am!! "they" have no respect for anyone not even themselves if you ask me.
He's very passive aggressive and treats me badly but I refuse to do that to him for sake of our son. He has problems going over there, he freaks out every time..and well....like I said we're headed for mediation. Even his lawyer (at our original custody agreement) told the judge he wouldn't listen and had pretty much given up on him. Altho he does try to push the issue, he's been pretty good about following the basic rules, its when he tries to form them to fit him that we have problems.
You're still married, you have a say and you're hands on. I think you stand a better chance at making things good with your kids and your wife. Don't force them to make a choice between the two of you, just make sure they have all the information they need to make their own educational decision when the time comes. Above all else, show them you love them no matter what!
SK
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Check_Your_Premises
Well, sorry again SK. Just work your options, and lets save the tears for another time. We have our children to protect. Take care and keep your chin up!
I just said a prayer for you.
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hamsterbait
Your wife will obey you on not studying the WTS teachings in the home but that doesn't mean she won't take them to the park and study with them sitting on a bench, or some witness kids' family inviting them round to 'play' or for a "Feast at a Barbeque".
She will obey only the letter of any agreement you make not the spirit.
She will employ "theocratic strategy" (others call it lying) and give you partial or incomplete information, and let you draw your own (Hopefully false) conclusion - after all no one forced you to understand what she said the way YOU decided to!
As she becomes even more indoctrinated she will tell you false information as you are a "wordling" and not entitled to be told the truth of what she is up to.(SEE Insight on the Scriptures under lying, and the WT on "Theocratic War Strategy")
Should a separation and custody battle ensue, the WTS has published a booklet used for priming kids to give answers in court or to social workers that makes the WTS sound just like any other mainstream church.
I wish you luck, but they are very cunning, and control peoples minds so well they even deny it. Tread carefully.
HB
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Seeking Knowledge
((((((((CYP)))))))))) back at ya!!
As she becomes even more indoctrinated she will tell you false information as you are a "wordling" and not entitled to be told the truth of what she is up to.(SEE Insight on the Scriptures under lying, and the WT on "Theocratic War Strategy")
Hamsterbait hit the nail on the head. If you're not one of them you aren't worthy. They have no qualms about lying to you, telling you what you want to hear etc. I just pray your wife remembers who she was before the JW's came along and that her children come first.
My idiot doesn't...
SK
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PopeOfEruke
I suggest getting the kids involved in HELPING others, something the JW's do not do. Its not just all about getting told things, talk is cheap but whiskey costs money. Help out at an old folks home, or maybe help out any organisations that care for elderly or infirm people who still live at home, maybe doing their shopping or cleaning etc.
This would provide a good counterpoint to the selfishness inherent in the JW religion. JW's are all about "me, how I can get everlasting life". There is no real empathy for other people. I spoke with my Mom recently, she's been a JW like forever, and I asked her if she has many friends in the congregation. She said "No, not really, I don't want to get too close to anyone, no-one is going to stop me getting into the New System". Isn't that insane!
Christianity in action should mean doing good for others........
Pope
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Hondo
Check_Your_Premises
A defining moment in my life, and a prime indicator that I had, for the most part lost my wife (ex-wife) to the control of the Watchtower Society, was on a night when she had one of her meetings. She was suppose to answer some questions or something. Anyway, I asked that she skid the meeting so that just here and I could go out, have a nice dinner, and just spend some quality time together. It took a little persuading (a normal wife would have just said yes and the fact that I had to persuade her bothered me) but she finally said ok, but she need to call someone (probably an elder) to say she would not be attending that nights meeting. I could tell immediately after she told whomever that she would not be at the meeting that the conversation turned one-way, my then wife being the listener. In almost the same motion she hung up the phone, grabbed her bag with books, etc., and was out the door mumbling something she was going to die. I did not follow or make a big issue of it after she returned home, about 2 hours later. She acted as though nothing had happen. Another similar incident happened on a Saturday. I live in Hawaii and we were suppose to go to beach, and just do a little driving, just the two of us. At the last minute she claim she had to go to her KH and clean the place up. She returned about 3 hours later pretty much ruining out day. In both instances she was not strong enough to tell the elder, or whomever, that she couldn't do what they wanted her to because she was going to spend time with her husband. To this day I find it hard to believe, and understand, the control the JW's and Society has over my ex, and any other JW I would suspect. The said jump, she asked how high. The said give us money, she asked how much, and so on...It was this bad.
These instances were just the beginnings of the end, and eventually it did when we were divorced in 2003. We/I would have competed for time together for the rest of our lives. Base on the above, and based on other minor incidences and altercations, I would have lost out to the Society 99% of the time I figured. She took the term "nonbelieving mate" ( I was not her husband, the Watchtower Society now was) quite literally and that's how I was treated. I was number 10 on her priority list of 10. I could have maintained this way of life, in her eyes as a second class person, competing with her and the Watchtower Society for the rest of our lives, or severed our relationship and gone off and led a normal life. The rest is history. I do miss her very much, but have accepted the fact that she is probably happier now than when we were married. Maybe in time she will come to her senses, but I doubt it.
I really hope it works out ok for you. Take care.