Wife joining, but I don't want the kids to get all brainwashed

by Check_Your_Premises 51 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Crumpet

  CYP I just spotted something that may help you on another site http://p196.ezboard.com/fexjehovahswitnessforumfrm18.showMessage?topicID=277.topic

  There one disfellowshipped woman says that she has a court order stating that her children cannot get baptised - their father is still a JW. You may want to see if this person can give you any advice on getting the same established. Your 12 year old is already of an age to be coming under pressure for baptism and if she sees her mother doing it then she may not be far down the line. It is terribly serious for a child to be baptised - I know I was 13 and I didnt understand the implications. If I had not taken that step of baptism all the "sins" I have committed since whilst they would have alienated me from the congregation, at least my parents and sisters would still be able to speak to me and I to have a relationship with them. At least then I could have kissed my grandparents goodbye before they died.

  Hope the link helps.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Good stuff hamster, that is exactly what I am looking for.
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  jgnat

  Pope_of_Euruke, I am so impressed!

  I suggest getting the kids involved in HELPING others, something the JW's do not do. Its not just all about getting told things, talk is cheap but whiskey costs money. Help out at an old folks home, or maybe help out any organisations that care for elderly or infirm people who still live at home, maybe doing their shopping or cleaning etc.

  That is such a GREAT idea.

  I do believe that talk is cheap in the WTS, and the best long-term defence against it is SHOWING the love of Christ by actions. This speaks directly to the hearts of our loved ones. It may take a while for them to break through the fog of programming, but your heartfelt ACTIONS will be remembered forever.

  C_Y_P, you have a good head on your shoulders, and your strategies make sense. You are not pretending that this problem will go away. I have high hopes you can preserve your family. Who knows? After baptism can be very rough on new converts. All the love-bombing abruptly stops. Your wife may have second thoughts, if her dignity would allow her to admit it.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Hondo,

  Yeah, my discussions with you really threw me for a loop yesterday. I had been told all along on the other thread, how she would change how she felt about me. But as I talked to more people I realized that there was definitely a component where the unbelieving mate is hurt and changes how they feel about the believing mate.

  How do you live your life where someone is your first priority, but you are at best their second. One thing I have always told my kids is never be in a relationship where you are trying harder than the other person. How do you maintain any dignity when you are trying harder than the other person. How are you not hurt by that. How do you not have moments of weakness, get angry, and lose control as I did the night I asked my wife to at least put off her baptism... which only serves to push her further away.

  It won't be just her who feels different about me, I am going to start feeling different about her. This has no happy ending. I am a Christian, so I don't believe I can divorce her. But I don't want to die alone. I guess I could claim she has engaged in a form of adultery, she clearly has stepped outside our marriage.

  I am just going to try to understand as best I can. She has found a way to have a relationship with God that feels right for her. For the first time in her life she feels that she is doing everything the right way. Even if I presented her with an alternative, why would she take it. Even if I showed her proof, why would it matter. She doesn't want to lose, what she feels she has found.

  I can't avoid putting her second, if she puts me second. I am not built that way. I am still a man! On the other hand I have to try to not take it personal, and try to encourage her to do the same. I can only offer to return that priority, no questions asked, should she ever choose to leave them. And I think the only way she will leave is if she has a bad experience. Fortunately they claim absolute power, and absolute power always corrupts. From the many bitter people here, it is clear that you can always count on the jws to treat people like garbage.

  I hope your life is much happier from now on.

  Semper Fi - you don't know how hard it is for me to confide in a ex-squid! :^) Take care brother!
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  Check_Your_Premises

  At least then I could have kissed my grandparents goodbye before they died.

  "you will know them by the fruit they bear"

  Indeed.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Removed previous comment.
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  beebee

  Hi CYP,

  I know others have suggested similar, but I think that if you can find a church that has a cool youth program, that will help immensely. The reason churches have fun youth programs is because it does get the kids excited about being part of that group. It IS another form of indoctrination, but as long as your principles of faith are being honored, I can only see it as a good thing.

  The KH wants kids to sit in adult services and be quiet and blindly obedient (the same crap they expect of adults) compare that with "skatingboarding for Christ," singing cute little kid bible songs, drawing pictures and playing with other kids while mom and dad are bored inside? Or check out a black Southern Baptist service for a downright entertaining display of faith (so cool!)

  The other good idea was the volunteering work, especially if it is affiliated with a church organization. This gives you a chance to talk about Christianity and giving to those in need.

  As they get older, let them be part of study groups that allow and encourage questioning (I'm Jewish and we were always encouraged to challenge, question and view different interpretations of the same passage).

  I've always though a good course in comparitive religions at the high school level should be mandatory, but it seems only the Jesuit high schools do that (how brave they are, a Catholic org being open to showing other faiths..of course the class may be slanted, but it is a start).

  Keep them involved in team sports and other after school activities that they love. It is good for them and something JW kids are rarely allowed to do.

  I wish you luck with the marriage though, it seems it will be a challenge to keep your marriage a good one when she believes that if you don't accept her faith, all of you are doomed. The love in her will force her to try to convert you all. It is so tragic a religion uses love to tear apart people and their families.

  Divorce isn't the worst thing in the world - just horribly painful.
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  kilroy2

  Let me say this, and it comes from 30 years of being in that cult.

  If you let your family go to meetings, and you passively sit by and just say it is ok to have your wife go, you are asking for more trouble than you can imagine. It will start out slow.

  this is how they work, they will work slow but sure to get your wife totally subjugated to the society, when that is accomplished by studding mind numbing books, and going to meeting to show that she is not alone that the "group" is with her hence god is with her. when this is done, they move little by little to start having her stop birthdays, holidays, ect. Imagine you wife not going to or taking part in the kids birthday party, Halloween, Christmas ect. this will have a big effect on the children, then she will [if she stays in and in taken over by the cult] start to teach the kids, once your kids start to go, this is a 50/50 prop. but if they do go, you are and will be the obstructionist.

  They will teach you kids and wife that your trying to keep ties to the "world" or keeping the kids form going to the meetings is Satan using you to keep them out of gods kingdom, and that she will need to fight with all her might to keep loyal to the org. they will tell her to honor you in all things not society related, but this amounts to if you want chicken or beef for dinner. society related things will be a big part of your life.

  I am afraid that families that have one partner strong in the dubber cult, 9 out of 10 times get divorced or the family is in upheaval.

  The cult demands much time and effort to keep a part of the cult, Now that said I have seen some that profess to be dubbers but do not keep close ties to the society, but they still keep apart from anything that has to do with the non org. people or activities.

  Your wife going to meetings and joining is dangerous there is no doubt. the amount of danger depends much on your wife's ability to think for her self in the face of heavy mind control, the more she is inclined to follow the more danger for her and you,

  IMO, you need to fight against it and hard, think of this as an invasion of your home, when someone breaks into your home, you don't sit there and wait till they are stabbing you, you fight with the most deadliest weapon you can grab from the first moment you are aware of the break in, will you are aware, fight, fight hard and now, the longer you wait the harder it is for you, and I am not talking physical, learn all the faults of the society, cause cognitive dissonance in your wife, don't let up till she sees the truth. you marriage depends on you now, if you don't you may as well get a book bag and start knocking on doors.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Losing a child is the worst thing, I think.
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  hamsterbait

  There is a website www.watchthetower.com cited in the Encyclopaedia Britanica that has plenty of history of the cult and a super list of links to every imaginable source of info on the Borganisation.

  And of course the quotes website, where the WTS shoots itself in the foot using only its own words.

  HB