need to vent - just got off phone with mom (page 2)

Nancy Drake

Being df'd and having JW parents treat you like this sucks. I know what you're going through, man.

I almost went back just to have a family. I'm glad I didn't, but parents sure know how to lay the guilt trip, don't they.

jaredg

thanks EVERYONE!!! this is exactly what i need...a support group.

Dragonlady76

I am so sorry to hear that Jaredg,

Unfortunately you are not the only one in this predicament. Just hang in there and try not to let the lines of communication close between you two. Hope things get better for you.

Dragonlady76

jaredg

you know what's crazy nancy....she's laying this guilt trip on me and deosn't even know she's doing it.....it's just a side effect of the JW mentality.

Gopher

You have already expressed love to her and the ball is in her court, not yours.

What Valis said is true. However, as you well remember, JW's are taught that once a person is outside "the truth", they are incapable of expressing real love. They are also taught that anyone who leaves "the truth" is selfish and at fault.

I just talked to my father last week. It is clear they see me primarily as a "JW outsider" who needs to start back to the "truth", starting with the Memorial and going from there. Any news about me or my family that I want to share seems to matter very little. I'm an "outsider" first, and a "distant relative" second.

It took awhile to adjust to the fact that I'll probably never get closer to them, for as long as we're on earth.

JW83

Jared, I don't know if this will help, but I turned the tables & lay a guilt trip on my parents back by writing to all our non-Witness relatives & telling them about the shunning, which really helped them to see what they were doing. I also never gave up, I called them all the time and left messages when they wouldn't pick up the phone. Don't play by their rules & give as good as you get! Hope it helps!

jaredg

gopher.....the thought of things being like this from now on scares the shit out of me and i hate it. there has to be something that i can do.

i think i'm going to call my mom tonight before i go to bed just to tell her that i love her.

jaredg

JW83, i don' thave any non-JW family but i am going to continue to call them and be a part of their life. i'll just love bomb them and see how that goes.

JW83

Yep, keep their guilt factor sky high! It worked for me! And, you know, even if they don't leave the Witnesses, so many Witness parents still keep in discreet contact with their exJW kids because when it comes down to it, families do matter.

willyloman

Jared: a few years ago my daughter had faded away and led "a debauched" (i.e., normal) life and her mom and I had semi-disowned her, despite the fact the elders had never caught up with her and she wasn't DF'd.

We sanctimoniously told ourselves we were righteous to curtail our association with her. It was only after some time went by that I realized we were apparently going to let the organization dictate that we never have a relationship with our young daughter unless she surrendered and became a JW, which was increasingly not likely as time went on and she carved out a happy and successful life for herself.

We were anguishing over what to do about this when my daughter called from several thousand miles away and asked if she could spend a few days with us as she was flying into our area. We decided to welcome her with open arms and had a wonderful family reunion. Dub talk went out the window and we just focused on our love for each other. At the end of several satisfying days, she said she called us because she had decided she was going to have a relationship with her parents no matter what the JWs dictated, even if it meant she had to tolerate our religious idiosyncrasies. And just like that, instead of getting defensive, we realized she had forgiven us and we had forgiven her and that the lost years were over and we didn't need to go over old wounds. Today we are extremely tight. And the best news is, she no longer has to put up with her folks' religious attitudes. We no longer have any.

I often tell my daughter it was because of her showing love to us that we are together as a family again, and that she was instrumental in planting a seed that led to our amazing discovery that the "Truth" is anything but.

So, dude, show love to your mama. But stand your ground.

need to vent - just got off phone with mom

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