need to vent - just got off phone with mom (page 3)

JW83

I second Willyloman! What a great story - very similar to my own with my parents. Most people can spot real love when it happens, especially when they're confronted with all the fake love in congregations / from Society.

HadEnuf

jaredg...don't let them lay that "guilt trip" stuff on you. My mom & sister, particularly my sister, decided that by shunning me that would bring me back to my senses. My sister (who was also my best friend, after the hubbie) also blamed me for many of her health problems at the time. She was a cancer survior and I was always there for her, spending a great deal of time & $$$ on her. She lived 180 miles from me and I left behind my family many times to be with her to help her while she was going through the chemo & radiation. So she laid that guilt trip on me and my mom used it too.

Many JW parents have some sort of built-in guilt-trip mode that kicks in when a child is DF'd, DA'd or just doing the fade away. Hang in there young man. Better days are ahead of you as an X-JW than there would be as a JW. Jeeeeezzzzzzz...babble, babble, babble.

Big hug

tweety

Hello Jaredg,

My son did the same thing last week. He even said, 'come back, get reinstated and then we can have a relationship.' I'm not going back, b/c I would have to give up all the things that make me happy! haa

My personal opinion is that this 'shunning' is harder on them than it is on you. You hang in there!

Dee

jaredg

willowman, thak you so much for your experience. i hope that one day i can be back with my family as you are with yours.

hadEnuf....thank you for the encouragement. i know i'll get through this...especially with the support from people like you.

upside/down

"reinstated".... is that in the Bible? It should read "completely under the influence of WTS" or CUI

I just realized how kooky this sounds

Hang in there "bro"!

u/d

Sunspot

i kept repeating myself to her that the main disagreement that we have is that the WTS has authority from god. i don't believe it so i don't see a reason to get reinstated where as she feels that for her to have a normal relationship w/ me would be a sin against god. i told her that i loved her many times and that i need to hear her tell me that she loves me too.

(((((Jared)))))

This hurts so much. I did the very same thing to my oldest son when he was 22, and my first grandson had just been born. This was in 1981 when the WTS decided that we shouldn't have any association with family members who had left or been DAed.

He begged and pleaded with me to change my mind, and good little loyal braindead dummy that I was---I dug my heels in and shunned him. Of course I was not then allowed to see my own grandson and he is now going on 22 himself.

Just keep telling her you love her as you have been (I wouldn't even speak to my son unless it was a family emergency, so he never called again) and try and keep in touch with her as much as she will allow.

I know how hard it is for you---but there is NO way you can change this. I had nonJW family coming by for years like an intervention, to try and reason with me about all this, but I was "steadfast" (gag).

We all know who is at fault, and why, but it doesn't lessen the pain. Believe me kiddo, SHE is not feeling too good about it either, but feels that she MUST comply with the rules or be treated the same way. It's a vicious circle.

Feel free to vent and get the anger out---and PM me if you want to talk.

hugs,

Annie

beebee

Would they still push for the reinstatement knowing that you no longer believe it is the truth and that even if you re-instated, just to please them, you'd still be "out" in your thinking and heart and lying for their sake, which would mean the same destruction at the big A (wouldh't it)? In other words, would they rather have you lie for their sake, or accept that though your df status may break their hearts (as they want the [best] for you), that you are content to be out [at whatever perceived risk that may entail] and to go back in would not change your thinking?

Would they understand that faking it will NOT change your heart (no matter how bad they hope it will)?

(asked as one who has not been in and may not completely understand the logic)

I do understand the controlling parent role though, it seems many of us deal with parents that can't accept that our adulthood comes with both the right and the responsibility to make our own choices.... big sigh

mjl

Jaredg, I know it's been said but hang in there. I'm almost on the same road your on. I'm trying to fade I do not believe thw WTS is god's only voice combined with all this new info and scandels and the continuing "new light" to cover themselves up.But I'm still in due to the fact I'm not ready to loses my family yet, but I know it's coming. But I'll tell you the same thing I tell myself everyday. The WTS's biggest tool is fear and guilt. That's how the keep people confined in there. Your Mom means well and in her heart I'm sure she does hurt. But her pain is in no way caused by you, she is reacting to the fear and guilt that is beat into her every Tues, Thurs, and Sunday. Hold your ground, you are not the problem.

jaredg

bee the answer to your question is yes. they know how i feel yet they want me to still get reinstated. my father was even ready to coach me on what to say to the elders in a way that i wouldn't be outright lying but at the same time i wouldn't devulge how i felt about the wts. my parents believe i have a good heart and that i am a good person but they also believe that by treating me like i wasn't DFd would be a sin against go. it's so dumb!

Shania

Jared you seem to be a loving son to your mom, do this tomorrow, send her some flowers and say I'll always be your loving son now and forever!!!

I say this because it is so hard on the moms who are told you child dosn't matter anymore because they left Jehovah------OUR CHILDREN DO MATTER AND IT IS NOT NATURAL TO TELL US THEY DON'T. I speak from expierence: my mom had nothing to do with my brother who was DFed for over 8years and he felt just like you, but he would call my mom when he was sick and she would say don't call here and hang up.............how sad -----so my brother finally gave in and said what do I have to do to get my family back--------------------YES YOU KNOW------------SAT IN THE BACK OF THE K-HALL FOR 6 MONTHS UNTIL HIS NAME WAS READ OFF -----YEAH YEAH WE CAN TALK TO HIM NOW GOD SAYS ITS OKAY WE CAN LOVE HIM AGAIN..................That was a happy night for our family----------but that was the last we saw him at the K-hall----------but thats okay he played by their rules and he has ours mothers love again..........he hated it but did it and we get to spend time with him now without evils eyes looking at us...................it is so sad to play this sick game but your mom and dad are in it so it is up to you...........................

need to vent - just got off phone with mom

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