I'm new to the forum and desperate for support

by muse 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  ozziepost

  G'day muse and welcome aboard from the land downunder!!

  Thanks for telling us a little about where you're 'at'. You will have much sympathy here.

  For myself I can truly say "I know what you mean" for I too have experienced something like what you are experiencing. Sad to say my Dad died in the op and we were left to confront what was unnecessary grief.

  One thing that helped us was to think that dad made his choice - in faith. He'd lived a good life - after all, he raised me!!!! - and in the end we know we all must die. It's inevitable, after all. It seems to me that just as we say that faith is personal then I guess we must accept that our nearest and dearest have the right to make decisions in accord with that belief.

  But it's still a waste.

  Hopefuly yourfather may be spared a while longer. I hope so and wish you the best.

  Cheers, Ozzie
• 

  mtbatoon

  What can I say but my thoughts are with you. Like you, religion is a no go area with my family and both sides respect the stand off. I know the feeling when an important decision is made and your left out of loop screaming silently but as of yet not as major as your predicament. I know though it is one I may have to face.

  Get the facts on the operation and get the facts on what your family are going to do regarding the present of a hospital liaison committee. Tell them how you feel about the situation before it happens. Not talking about religion and having accepted you, your husband and your son, it sounds to me like they put a lot of value on family regardless of the org. In the end it will be his decision but that shouldn't stop you voicing your opinion if an group of old men who care more about how it would look to others have the right to voice theirs. Never let the org dominate you into submissiveness again.
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  mjarka911

  Hello Muse and welcome. Of course you always have a place to be heard here. I was thinking about your situation. How "old school" is your father? Today the JW blood policy has morphed so much since the simple edict - No Blood, period. Here is a Commentary Press link from Ray Franz' book In Search Of Christian Freedom: http://www.commentarypress.com/eng-search-ch9-01.html He points out how so much of circulating blood by volume is now acceptable as a "conscience matter". Maybe you can discuss this with the doctor and see if taking any of these acceptable components will up the survival rate. Or maybe show the information to your Dad. I know its a long shot, but that information exposes that policy for the ridiculous farce that it is. When uneducated JW leaders try to play doctor, they wind up giving inch by inch to save face as technology advances. My wife is still devout and would never accept a transfusion - but has twice accepted the shot because she is RH negative. I'll never understand how as a JW you can't give blood and can't approve of stored blood (even your own), but will accept a protien from someone else's stored blood! It's madness. Good Luck and stay connected to the board for support and advice!
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  AuntieJane

  Hello and welcome Muse! Sounds like you have done better than many at dealing with your JW family.

  I never was a JW but I did have colon cancer 5 years ago. My polyp was not benign, I had about 18 inches of colon removed, and all went well.

  If your father has a good surgeon, the procedure should go just fine. It is not a fun process, but it is not as life-threatening as you may envision. Be strong, have Faith in God that he will pull your dad through, and that He will provide some peace for you too! I mainly want you to know you may be over-stressing, which I myself tend to do! So, please, take it easy on yourself.

  I wish you both well, please keep us posted.

  AJ
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  disciple

  Muse,

  I am very sorry to hear about your Dad, I will be praying for you, all my prayers are based on the healing power of Jesus name. The scriptures tell me that Jesus already took our stripes so that we may be healed. I pray your Dad will call on the name of Jesus. I have made him the Lord of my Life and I have seen powerful powerful healings take place in others who have done the same. I hope that the awful religion, any religion has not decimated your faith in God.

  With love in Christ ,

  Disciple
• 

  clementine

  i'm sorry to hear what you're passing through with your dad... i hope you will find on this site people who'll help you... take care
• 

  scotsman

  Hi Muse

  I'm sorry your dad's unwell and hope the op is successful. It's unlikely that the HLC will be there as they should have addressed any questions with the surgeon/anaesthetist before hand, but only if your father felt that necessary. My experience of the HLC has been that they are unobstructive, pleasant men who are well intended but hopefully you'll be saved from the irritation of their presence.

  My father died when he was 60, the day after an operation in which he lost a significant amount of blood, and while the medics never explicitly said that the loss of blood triggered his heart attack, some of our non JW family felt that it must have. My opinion is that it was his choice and his belief and he knew the consequences and now that I'm no longer a JW I would still respect his wishes.

  s man
• 

  TheListener

  Welcome Muse.

  Your situation saddens me. You can only do so much for your father. There are some choices that individuals must make for themselves. Show him love and consideration.

  Good luck.
• 

  love2Bworldly

  Hope all goes well with your dad's surgery! You have support here.
• 

  M.J.

  Has anyone else been in this situation?

  Yes. But I was blindsided by this. My wife unexpectedly needed blood after delivery of our son. I didn't have time to run her through the whole history of the WTS blood policy or anything of the sort. She refused blood and I didn't know how to react. It was a very trying time because she was expected by everyone to die. In fact she was so very close to dying that it's a miracle she made it. After a very long recovery she's doing great. The HLC people will not show up unless someone arranges for them to be there. They must be called in. In my experience they're plaid-suit-wearing-travelling-salesmen types that can be really irritating. But no one except your mom or next of kin has the privelage to stick their noses into your dad's care or his health care decisions, at least not here in the US, unless he signs over the right to someone. Have your dad get ALL the facts on what decisions he can make according to WTS policy BEFORE the operation, so he can make an informed decision. These facts were not available to us and my wife had no clue that she could accept "minor fractions", hemodilution, use of a cell-saver scavenging device, WTS approved hemoglobin products, etc...I find it reprehensible that the Society has such a haphazard policy while lives hang in the balance, and they do a piss poor job of making things totally clear to their members and to the doctors. You might talk to a doctor about going on an oral iron therapy before the surgery to maximize hemoglobin levels. In any case, I think it would be best if you got your dad to agree to independently find out about all his options, discuss it with the DOCTORS (not the elders!!!) and make sure they are aware of every acceptable option on his list beforehand. Find out about the availability of Polyheme or some of the procedural alternatives. If your dad up front rules out a transfusion of RBCs, he can always change his mind at a later time. If at all possible have him keep the JWs out of it as they will only serve to put peer pressure on him and be extremely nosey. They need not concern themselves. Emphasize to your dad it's his decision alone.
  

  Anyway, check out: http://www.freeminds.org/doctrine/bloodban.htm

  of course extensively read: http://www.ajwrb.org

  I wish you the best,

  M.J.