Whats the deal with fading.

by mtbatoon 37 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Balsam

  I myself am disfellowshipped and glad I am. But the point here is that everyone has to find the most comfortable and least painful way to exit the JW's that is best for them. So fading is the way some chose to do it. Life is full of choices and different people make different choices than we would. So exiting the JW's is the same. There are lots of ways to leave and fading is one of them.

  One extra point though is that fading is though easier sometimes on the surface, the individual still can be hounded by the Society in one way or another.

  Thank goodness there is a choice.

  Balsam
• 

  mad max

  I faded 8 years ago, just because I was lonely and wanted a taste of the "world", but thought that I would go back, maybe. Until Jan of this year when Loubelle was going to give a talk and realized that I just felt sick of just the thought of walking thru the doors, then I knew I would NEVER go back. But let me tell you the elders knew where I was and where I worked, not once was a call to find out about me. Even during this time my mom and big sister really did not want to have much to do with me, as it was either a JW or not.

  Even when I gave up the "worldly" things, to them I still was not back attending meeting.

  But once and I mean ONCE they (well my big sister squelled on me) heard that I attended one chruch meeting, then their was no stopping them. 2 phone calls, 2 weeks later they announced their .....no longer story.

  So it makes NO DIFF. fading, DFed, DisA. No diffence what's so ever to them. You are either attending meeting (its does not matter if you get drunk, or have intercourse(they cannot say sex) or just plain "stong" or "weak") or not, to them you a a JW and Jah will save you.

  That is why I could not give a letter or even meet with them after 8 years, I would not subject or submit to their little games and lord it over me ANY LONGER.

  So I am OUT and will stay OUT.

  Praise God.
• 

  TheListener

  Well let me add my 2cents here.

  There are many many witnesses who view those who disassociate themselves as angry bitter people who are making a statement. Now that I understand both sides of the coin I can see that that is not true. Many people (as previous posts show) just want to be left alone. Others do in fact want to make a statement - but they're not generally angry bitter people.

  To a witness disassocating oneself is like the ultimate F U to Jehovah.

  So, depending on your family situation fading may be the best option. Fading allows the witness to slowly realize that you're not an angry disgruntled apostate witness but an honest nice and confused, perhaps spiritually weak (in their opinion) person.

  If you're fading due to family members, having them think you're an angry apostate seething with hate is not going to be helpful in keeping a relationship or in helping them exit as well.
• 

  xjwms

  I really have to agree with TheListener on this one. This is my position right now.

  I want those who know me, ... to know that I am doing well, and not disgruntled or angry.

  Those elders, (and they know who they are) can take a flying leap, however, I want those, ... who, ... I thought were friends, to know

  that I am doing better now than before. I like to confuse the regular folk.
• 

  Dustin

  I think fading is a natural process for many of us who were born into the JW organization. It's hard to just say forget this stuff, because it's very deeply ingrained in you from childhood. They are masters at brainwashing, and using guilt and fear as primary weapons. When I DA'd myself I walked right in the Kingdom Hall in my ripped up jeans and GnR shirt and handed it to the PO. I wasn't submitting to him, in my letter I effectively expressed my opinion on the matter, and told them to screw off.

  Everyone has a different healing process. The fact is, you don't have a full understanding of the courage it took for many of these people to leave behind a belief system they had known most of their lives. When you are a true Jehovah's Witness, leaving is very diffucult because it's the only family you ever knew. So before you judge others for how they leave, think about how much courage it took in the first place.
• 

  xjwms

  Thank you ... Dustin
• 

  blondie

  The point it is a personal choice. I haven't ruled out DAing if I think the time is right for me. DAing is a WTS concept, writing a letter DAing yourself is a WTS concept. I have no desire to try and educate the BOE or the rank and file en masse. I feel my review is enough. People can read it anonymously and then if they come to see that the WTS is not God's organization, they will do what they need to do.

  I think it is better not the be an angry person. I agree with theListener and xjwms that if the goal is the encourage people to your point of view or your way of life, make it inviting.

  Blondie
• 

  upside/down

  I'm glad some of you can be so "christian" about it. I however cannot and WILL NOT!

  I am angry, bitter, full of resentment and hurt. Although I feel I "handle" it well and haven't resorted to treating others as I've been treated... there is no way in hell anyone could have witnessed what happened to me and my kids and not been outraged...perhaps even become violent.

  What the WTS and it's legions of drones are guilty of is no less tha "CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY". They ruin lives... period. Their own lives are ruined, they just haven't figured it out yet. Not only that... they are PROACTIVE in seeking more lives to ruin control convert.

  Just because your situation wasn't "bloody", don't give the Dubs the benefit of the doubt... they (as a "class") are truly EVIL. Just like the Nazi's were...("but I know this Nazi... and he's sooo nice, he's not evil...." -yeah whatever)

  The fact that we all have to dance a jig at all is proof of their power... they invoke all the freedoms afforded by the Constitution, yet deny ALL members and non-members the same... WTF?

  I gotta get some coffee...I'm cranky as hell...

  u/d
• 

  Dustin

  I think DAing for me was an effective tool to gain a little bit of closure on the situation. It's different for everyone due to the fact we all have a different emotional build. I don't want it to be a part of my life anymore, but unfortunately I don't know if I will ever forget it. But what I have managed to do is heal some of the wounds and get myself on a path to leading the life I always wanted to live. I don't need to feel guilty chasing my dreams and living how I want to live.

  I like to check in on here because I see people who are struggling to find a way out. A lot of the new ones on here need some help confronting their fears, they don't need another lecture. I remember when I was so scared coming on and talking to people on here. But I found others like myself, who were scared of what the future held, and wanted to realize they weren't the only ones going through this. And that's the beauty of this website, it's always a continous cycle of new ones. I feel it's my responsibility to help the newer and struggling faders find some closure.
• 

  upside/down

  Well said Dustin.

  "Lifes a journey.. not a destination"- Aerosmith

  u/d