I have a brother I want to get out, and as I am inactive and have not "made a stand" no one has told him not to talk to me, as surely they would if I send a letter, etc. So until he is out, I'll remain silent to the org, and even after that, like Blondie says...I'm not sure I want to give them the satisfaction of announcing my name.
Whats the deal with fading.
by mtbatoon 37 Replies latest jw friends
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TheListener
Upside/down, don't think that I'm not angry and frustrated at the org. and those in it as well at times. But, if I allowed myself to express that anger and frustration in front of my spouse I would soon have no spouse. For me it's a balancing act. I must slowly exert my freedom but not appear angry or fanatical about it. If I'm normal and nice and 'still the same' after I leave the witnesses that will make (is making) a huge impact on my spouse. You may even find family members defending your right to choose your level of activity in the organization to others.
A friend of mine once told me (while I was an elder) that the truth is the only thing that keeps people from acting badly. If people left the truth he was sure that they would become pot smoking, drunken, whoring, gambling, murdering, etc etc worldly people. Most dubs would agree with that. It's important for me to show my family that that isn't the case. That is a load of crap and I can prove it. To show them that they can leave the organization but still love God (if they want to) and follow his laws as found in the bible. In fact, I want to show them that there is much more happiness and fulfillment in that than belonging to the organization and being a watchtower zombie or watombie.
Yes, it takes patience and can cause major frustration at times - for both the dub mate and the fader. It's like there is the huge elephant in the room and no one will talk about it. The only time fading comes up is when someone is in a very cranky mood and then the discussion isn't very pretty.
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upside/down
If people left the truth he was sure that they would become pot smoking, drunken, whoring, gambling, murdering, etc etc worldly people
Hell that describes most of the Dubs I knew, especially the young ones.
I'm around MUCH BETTER people now. Yes they're all imperfect (duh) but they are BETTER, from the heart people.
The Dubs are a vile brood.
I must agree though... that like you, I've taken the higher road of decency and WILL NOT stoop to their level...ever again.
u/d
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mtbatoon
Well maybe I was young and reckless or maybe due to my age fading wasn't an option. I lived most of my childhood either pretending to be a good little witness boy or a normal kid and failed at both. For me living a lie for good or bad still seems wrong, maybe I haven't got the strength of character to keep it up for my own benefit or the benefit of others. These comments have opened my eyes to others predicaments and there way of handling them.
Everyone has a different healing process. The fact is, you don't have a full understanding of the courage it took for many of these people to leave behind a belief system they had known most of their lives. When you are a true Jehovah's Witness, leaving is very diffucult because it's the only family you ever knew. So before you judge others for how they leave, think about how much courage it took in the first place.
True, I didn't so I ask, I hope I'm not judgemental but I still have my own opinions. Your right in pointing out I was not a true JW, though it was the only life I had ever known up until my time of leaving. It didn't form part of my beliefs apart from those put there by fear tactics. I know the courage it takes to leave and the struggle to integrate into society. But i still believe in some cases I think fading would be more damaging to the individual than a quick break though the former appears the easyer option.
I've noticed that people assume the alternative to fading is DAing yourself. I never did that and was never asked to. It may well of been due to my age and low standing but I think if I had to of written a letter, almost like I was asking permission however aggressively it was written, I'd be looking back on having done so with regret.
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TheListener
Maybe I'm naive here but if you didn't disassociate yourself you faded. Fading isn't necessarily a long and arduous process. It can be as quick as leaving the KH and never going back. Da'ing oneself takes action, like a statement ot an elder or writing a letter. Simply walking away is fading. I think.
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mtbatoon
OK point taken but I would see fading as a gradual process myself, my situation I'd class as a break.
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luna2
It's funny, but I don't look at writing a DA letter as asking permission....I think I look at it as saying goodbye and telling them in some sort of "official" way that I have resigned from their club. I may or may not give them the reasons why. I'm still thinking about what I want to say. I seem to have a need for an act of closure. LOL
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mtbatoon
Again this closure thing, never understood it. Event happens, event ends, life goes on. “Having closure” sounds like therapist jargon to me. There again a half brick through a window could be considered closure I reckon and I understand that.
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Forscher
My wife and I are faded simply because she still wants contact with her parents. I respect that and don't rock the boat. The other side of the coin is simple. There is one person here who always talks about not validating the organization's power over anybody. I like his perspective on that. To formally DA myself would be to validate that they have authority over me. I've decided that I am not going to do that. So, I don't go to the meetings anymore and I ignore any attempts to contact me.
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Netty
I faded, and am glad I did it this way. Although yes, it brings with it, it's own set of problems, for me personally, it still beats the alternative. Simply put, I wanted my parents in my life.
Mtbatoon, are you df'd or da'd? Cuz if you're not, then you are also fading... Whether it's a quick break or a slow process, its still a fade.