What are YOUR Apostapowers, and how do you access them? (page 2)

DanTheMan

I call it "Cheshire Dan". When JW's approach, I smile really big and my whole body disappears except for my smile. It freaks them out.

I hold my breath, breath in through my nose for 8 seconds, hold it for 4, then out thorugh my mouth. I begin to levitate, higher, higher and higher. Once I'm up to about 5,000 feet, I start to sing myslef the little Peter Pan song, "Think of a wonderful thought, you can fly, you can fly"

I spread my aposta wings and become a giant apostadacteral. I soar over unsuspecting dubs as they mindlessly roam the sidewalks of dubDUMB, looking for converts. I spot my prey, I zero in, I focus, a silence rushes over the entire sky, I can hear my own breath, count my own heartbeats, and BAM!

I drop a load of giant bird SH*T the size of Texas on the little weinies!

This process makes me real hungry. So then I go out and get one of these:

OUTLAW

RichieRich,I`ve just had a look at your picture..Come over for dinner sometime..Bring a Watchtower,an Awake and another dub...Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!....LOL!!...OUTLAW

ezekiel3

Whenever I post on JWD...another JW loses their privileges.

Funny, ever since I gained my 'powers' the announcements have sounded slightly different.

Brothers, may I have your attention, the programming is about to begin...

Rod P

I use Zen Buddhism to access my Apostapowers.

Aaaauuuummmmm mane padme huuuuummmmm! (The sounds of the Universe, and I am at one-ness with it.)

Aaaauuuummmmm mane padme huuuuuuuuummm! (And I visualize a J-dub at my front door.)

Then, because of my spiritual powers, a J-dub begins to manifest on my doorstep. I invite him in. We talk and are friendly. Now I ask him if he has ever heard the sound of one hand clapping. He usually answers "No."

I assure him that I have heard that sound. He acts surprised, and says "Really!....What does it sound like?" And I tell him "Let me demonstrate." I walk up to him and I slap his face. As I delightfully stare at the shocked look on his face, I tell him "That is the sound of one hand clapping!"

He looks at me in total disbelief. I tell him not to worry about what just happened. I just wanted to wake him up from the WT spell he was under.

And with eyes wide shut, he leaves the premises.

Damnnnn! That was that other dream I keep having! LOL

Rod P.

Elsewhere

I become Chief Runs With Scissors. I perform amazing feats of moderate danger.

FMZ

lmao... best thread ever.

Else, that cracked me up mate..

FMZ

garybuss

I think of working ALL DAY of endless miles of dusty dirt roads of unassigned territory in the HOT summer time in my dad's 1953 Chevy. We traded mass produced religious literature for eggs, 20 year old boxes of Jell-O, and once, a live chicken for an out of date book. Boy was that chicken pissed by the time we got home.

Quentin

I have the power to corrupt, becoming Demonus Coruptus. As such any J that hangs with me will: smoke, drink to excess, lie, cheat, steal, look for porn on the internet, fornicate, gamble, and do rude things to themselves in private. No JW is safe. This I can do up close and personel or, over long distances. Thousands have been affected. There is no where to hide

TresHappy

When I hear "Go where the need is greater" - I start foaming at the mouth, then I become Rita Repulsa from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Before I am shot by the entire staff of Homeland Security, I do everyone a favor and stomp the entire Brooklyn Bethel Complex.

What are YOUR Apostapowers, and how do you access them?