Daughters, Do you speak with your mothers’ ‘voice’?

by jeanniebeanz 35 Replies latest jw friends

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  Momofmany

  I ‘hear’ it when I see the faults in others, and condemn myself for any minor infraction. It is my mothers’ ‘voice’.

  Welcome to my world. ;-)

  I hear her voice, is that how I taught you to fold towell, sheets, etc.? You're feeding that to your children? On and on, I hear her voice in my head. Of course, I hear my Dad's voice too. What the hell were you thinking young lady? Or I hear it when I see others doing something unthinkable.

  I think it's a curse they gave us. We get to pass this on to our children. I know I hear my mother's voice coming out of my own mouth sometimes too.
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  rebel8

  I used to have that, I know what you mean. It went away when I started limiting my contact with her. She is a really toxic person and having frequent contact with her is enough to drive anyone "crazy".
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  defd

  One thing i have done with the negative affects of how i was raised ( or the lack of raising) was to make it my firm resolve not to do the same things. I am a much better father because of how poorly my parents raisd me. It might sound crazy but i dont blame them or harbor any bitter feelings for that. Why? Beause i figure they too were poorly raised by there parents, that is how i justify it anyway.
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  greendawn

  It makes me feel that I had it good as I can hear neither mother's nor father's inner voice berating me. Mother was toxic but I always ignored her.
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  Billygoat

  Egads, this topic hits home to me. Except I don't hear Mom's voice, I hear my Dad's. Several years ago, I heard his voice reprimand me for getting engaged to a man with two earrings. (I'm sure if it'd been an alcoholic, abusive, molesting, ministerial servant, that would have been fine! ) I finally said, "Dad you don't have a say in this. It's MY life, MY marriage, MY fiancee, who by the way, has shown me more love in two years than you did all my childhood. I am an adult, not a child. It is MY decision. Live with it."

  I still hear the voice now and again...but not nearly as much as I used to. When it pops up, I still speak to it with a lot of force. It was/is very cathartic.
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  mrsjones5

  All I ever wanted from my mother was some show of love and affection. What I got was emotional neglect or, worse, blackmail and judgement. All the while telling me how much she ‘loved’ me. Lies.

  Do we have the same mother?
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  mrsjones5

  This is some of the hurtful things my parents have said to me:

  Dad: "You dont have the looks to be a model" "Stupid Idiot!" "Bigfoot" "Just because youre firstborn doesnt mean you get a car first" - that was said to me when my father bought my 15 year old sister a 1967 ford mustang, I was 18, can you say "playing favorites"?.

  Mom: "Cant you write better? Your handwritting looks like chicken scratch" "Why were you over So&so's house so long? They dont want you over there" "You need to lose weight, I cant find you anything to wear" "You dont have any personality, that's why you let people run over you" "I wear a size 13 and Josie wears a size 16" - that was when I was 13 years old "You look like a slut in that dress" - this was said when I was leaving to go out (I was 25) and I was wearing a dress she helped me pick out. "If God had given you a brain you'd be dangerous" "Why doesnt your husband tell you to lose weight?"

  Josie
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  rebel8

  One thing i have done with the negative affects of how i was raised ( or the lack of raising) was to make it my firm resolve not to do the same things. I am a much better father because of how poorly my parents raisd me. It might sound crazy but i dont blame them or harbor any bitter feelings for that. Why? Beause i figure they too were poorly raised by there parents, that is how i justify it anyway.

  That logic would be comforting if we didn't all disprove it....we all overcame our bad upbringings, so why couldn't our parents overcome theirs?
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  Ellie

  Oh god, if that ever happens someone please shoot me
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  diamondblue1974

  Oh god, if that ever happens someone please shoot me

  Im up for that job Elli....count me in.

  DB74