Continuing to lay the groundwork for my exit.

ithinkisee

Well, last night I was completely determined to tell my wife just three things I had learned. I was just going to focus on lies - not scripture, or stupid stuff ... just lies.

607/1914
Trinity (Trinity Brochure lies)
Cross (Reasoning book lies and archeaology)

If she starts to question other stuff, or if she starts in on a debate about the Trinity, I was going to shut her down and let her know I am willing to talk to her about that - but not right now. My focus right now is on the lies in the literature. The only thing I will say about the Trinity is that if it is SO BOGUS, then why do the feel the need to repeatedly lie about it in the Trinity brochure. Anyways, my focus is only on the lies. I have thought about the subtle approach that many on this site favor, but my wife will feel manipulated if I talk to her in that way. She appreciates me being kind but upfront about what I feel. These three topics (for me) are very simple to understand and I have three separate manila folders with the documentation laid out, and all the scriptures I need marked in my bible.

So I called her aunt last night while my wife was out teaching a class. Her aunt successfully faded years ago and as a single woman living thousands of miles away she is able to come out for visits and everyone steers clear of religion while she is here. She went back to school and is a high-powered Senior VP for a cel phone company.

Anyways, I called her and told her what I was about to do last night... to tell her neice (my wife) that after literally thousands of hours of research I no longer wish to be a Witness.

She was very encouraging. At first she asked if everything was alright between my wife and I. I laughed and told her I could read between the lines, and that NO, I hadn't cheated on my wife or done anything even remotely crazy like that. I told her I didn't want to be a poster boy for a DF'd person where they could easily nail me to the wall on adultery or whatever - and that there are plenty of examples of successful ex-JWs that the Society never wants current JWs to hear about.

She said, "Yes. I am one of them."

I told her that a "group" online (JWD) has really been therapeutic for me, helping me to realize I wasn't the only one thinking this and that I wasn't going crazy. The group has helped me to know what to expect - negative and positive - from the confrontation with my wife, even giving me a heads-up on other things I may have not even expected.

So far, my dad (non-JW, never baptized) knows, my wife's brother (non-JW, never baptized) knows, and her aunt (faded JW) all know what is up.

I told her aunt that I didn't mind if she stayed completely neutral in the whole thing - that I would understand. But if she wanted to help, if it comes up with her family members, to keep them from bashing me and to ask them what the REASONS were that I didn't want to be a JW - to keep them from diverting from the issues. I told her that she is probably well aware that when JWs are backed into a corner on their beliefs they divert from the issues and instead attack the person. If she could help get them back on track with the real issues that would be great.

IP_SEC's posts on his conversations with his wife and stuff were really helpful for me (thanks IP if you read this). The only difference between me and him is that I am just delusional enough to think I can make some SERIOUS inroads into some of my family member's lives. They are constantly trying to "witness" to their non-JW relatives and try and act all hip and cool with them. So when my decision becomes public family knowledge it is going to cause some SERIOUS cognitive dissonance - especially since they have fairly open communication with their non-JW family. If they feel they have to shun me they will have A LOT OF EXPLAINING to do to their non-JW family - especially since I haven't done anything scandalous.

I am fully prepared to accept the consequences if none of my family will listen, but it will bother me to no end if I am not convinced I did all I could to "seedplant" as much as possible in the narrow window of opportunity I will have to anti-Witness to them when the shiznit hits the fan.

Anyways, my wife ended up out late at night drinking coffee at Barnes & Noble with a girlfriend of hers, so I wasn't able to have "the talk".

Tonight will likely be the night.

Thanks for listening y'all ...

If you have any great experiences about your wives (or husbands) responding POSITIVELY to your initial talks with them about not being a JW anymore I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THEM TODAY ...

All the best.

-ithinkisee

jaredg

good luck man...let us know how it goes

trevor

I am sure you know your wife better than me, in fact I don’t know her at all! But attacking her beliefs may result in defence on her part. Most Witnesses are protected by a mental wall. The word below are taken from a book on Jehovah’s Witnesses. For a free download, click on my profile. Good luck!

‘Many members are feeling let down and disappointed due to the failure of the promise that a new world would come during the last century. They are bruised and, in some cases, angry. Thousands have left, some after a lifetime of dedicated service. It is essential to respect and sympathise with the situation that the Witness you care for has found his or her self in.

Most Witnesses are principled people who place honesty high on their list of priorities. Appealing to their sense of honesty as a legitimate reason to examine their beliefs, at a pace they can cope with, is a good place to start. Witnesses that find the courage to do this can find that although their conscious minds can make quite rapid changes, their emotional or unconscious minds take far longer to make adjustments. This is true of all people but more so with Witnesses because they have invested so much in their faith.

Once a Witness knows that you are prepared to talk to them about their faith it is best to wait until they approach you then they will be receptive. It is best to register just one thought-provoking point and leave the door open for future conversations. If you are too eager for confrontation you will run into a wall. For a Witness to let you past the wall they have built is an act of trust. That trust must not be betrayed but rewarded by reassuring the Witness that your motives are honourable and that you have their best interests at heart.’

Trevor Willis

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Legolas

Yes good luck and let us know how it goes!!

jula71

Good luck!!! Sounds like you have all you bases covered. Sounds like we have matching plans, those are the almost the same 3 issues I'm going to highlight. But with me, cross out "trinity" and put in the UN/NGO connection.

Check_Your_Premises

Good luck, and I would love to get my hands on your research!

Let me know if that is possible in anyway.

You know I am pulling for you!

CYP

TheListener

Good luck IthinkIsee. should be an interesting night.

My advice is to keep it friendly. No matter what happens try to keep the discussion light and non-condemnatory.

I know it's not a light subject but by not getting overly excited and stating all of your information so fast and furious that you confuse her you're more likely to sound reasonable and well though out.

Good luck. I'll be thinking of you while I'm at my meeting.

ithinkisee

Trevor, thanks for the input. I have given that sort of approach some serious thought.

However, by saying that I am not being subtle does not mean I am "attacking" her - perhaps I didn't state that clear enough. (I tend to get wordy)

I am going to be upfront, but in a gentle way. The main points I want her to take from the discussion is that (1) the credibility of the Society's literature is severely weakened and blatantly dishonest, (2) I was studying to build my faith and was deeply hurt by the lies & deception in the literature, (3) that the issue is not "The Society" vs. "The World", but instead is "The Society" vs. "the Bible".

I feel if I can make those inroads initially the directions we can go from there are almost limitless.

My approach will be gentle ... what I am saying is that I am not going to do the "Say honey, look at this quote I found ... can you explain this to me?"

She will see right through that. That is one of the reasons I married her.

-ithinkisee

kwintestal

Good luck Ithinkisee. 2 years ago I was in the same boat you are in now. It took a year, a lot of pain and tears, but I got her out. Keep your wits about you and make sure the lines of communication are always open.

There was a few big things that helped, one being pace, not giving too much information overload.

The second, which I figured out a year after I started and I think is most important, is to get your wife to respect your intelligence. Basically, I said it straight out, "You know I am not a stupid person. I'm telling you that there are doctrinal problems with this religion that you need to look at. You owe it to yourself and to our children." (I hope you don't have kids, it makes it all the more difficult)

Remember that emotions play a big role in this religion, so you have to get your wife, however hard it is, to put her emotions aside (as I'm sure you at one time did) and look only at the facts.

Again, good luck.

Kwin

kwintestal

Ithinkisee, I sent you a PM.

Kwin

Continuing to lay the groundwork for my exit.

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