How do female "unbelieving mates" do it? My tribute!

by Check_Your_Premises 40 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    A warning for Carla. He will miss the kids. In his JW mindset, however, he will try and convert them so they can join him in Paradise Earth. All protests will be brushed off as "opposition". He will do it behind your back if he expects opposition.

    It is key not to freak out on a JW convert. If you do, you instantly grow horns and you enter the unsavory world of "Satan's minions". You will know when this happens because the convert will suddenly go all robot-like. It is a terrible thing to see. Every pore in your being will be screaming to drag the poor person out of that insidious cult. But you must not panic.

    It's kind of like a Chinese Finger Cuff. The harder you yank, the tighter it holds.

    JW's are primed to respond to mild, calm tones. It's the way they talk, they write. Imitate their calm style, and subconciously they respond to your direction. Slowly, gently, without setting off any Cognitive Dissonant alarms, nudge the ocean liner in to the dock. No sudden moves.

    I dearly wish I could explain this a to spouse when his or her partner starts studying. Also, I think the ideal time to pull someone out is before the third week. We typically hear from a panicked partner shortly before baptism. That is waaaay too late.

    ...and as for holding the purse strings? I'm not parsimonious. I simply use it as a veiled threat. Without me, he has nothing.

  • Check_Your_Premises
    Check_Your_Premises

    Finger cuffs. Great analogy.

    I wish I had found this site in the first three weeks. Actually she was already a witness. She accepted TFDS doctrine (the true definition of a witness) a long time before we were married.

    I guess the key to keeping your cool is feeling like you have a plan that you are sure will work. In that way the situation does not seem hopeless for you.

    The next thing is you need an outlet for your rage. JWD is a good place to vent. Come here when you want to scream. There are plenty of folks here that would love to hear from you. Give hubby a smile and a kiss. When you scream and yell you validate the belief that all non-dubs are irrational/evil and you feed the jw martyr beast.

    There is what you want to do, and what will produce the results you want. One is more important than the other.

    CYP

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Absolutely right, C_Y_P. This discussion board is a necessary outlet for my frustration. Here, I have a Voice. Girlfriends help of course, but precious few would understand the subtle "ins" and "outs" of the WTBTS, or why "Consicence Matter" sets my teeth on edge.

    I have no idea how I would have survived without JWD.

  • M.J.
    M.J.

    One thing I do envy about the ladies though--They pretty much have the kids. It's a lot easier for the man to be the odd one out in a divided family, whether they're the JW or the non-JW. So the stakes for the man are so much higher. We're not stressed about the marriage as much as we're stressing about the future of our kids!

    Take the kids out of the equation and I'll agree the wives probably have a tougher road.

  • Check_Your_Premises
    Check_Your_Premises

    I don't know if I agree with that MJ. True, they have them during the day. But at night you are the spiritual head. You can make decisions on meeting attendance. I make mine optional. I also get to conduct a weekly Bible study.

    A female ubm would have to ASK for those priveledges.

  • vitty
    vitty

    CYP

    I wonder how your wife would feel about all the time and conversations you have here, (with us lovely females) im sure shed be jealous. Maybe you should start talking about us and what we say, then shed know how you feel. Bloody abandoned!

    I cant believe how robotic I became, and unfortunately my husband got sucked into it aswell, boy was I good !

  • Check_Your_Premises
    Check_Your_Premises

    So this is the thanks I get for being sensetive. In one of my private correspondence with one of you lovely ladies, I was asked if I was GAY!!!

    Of course there is nothing wrong with being gay, but for a hetero guy there are few things more horrifying then having someone wonder if you wouldn't take it up the tailpipe!

    It is so difficult dealing with women. We just don't understand you. Constantly our ears ring with shrieks and pleas to be more sensetive. So out of guilt, or maybe even a desire to just shut you up, we take the time. We analyze you, which isn't easy because you have a completely different motivation and several more layers of complexity. But we wade through it all, and somehow on a single subject we are able to reach some level of understanding. We become excited!

    Finally we are sensetive. We rush to you thinking our reward will be undying gratitude and cheers, cheers from all the men who just can't believe we pulled it off, book deals, guest appearances, maybe even a cooshy tenure at a fancy university, an action figure? to much to dream for perhaps, but most of all the end to that incessant shrieking and pleading to be more sensetive....

    ...instead we get called a homo.

  • carla
    carla

    You must be kidding!

  • Check_Your_Premises
    Check_Your_Premises

    Kidding about which part? That someone asked if I was gay, or my reaction to it?

    Someone did ask if I was gay in a joking way, and my response is completely tongue in cheek.

  • vitty
    vitty

    I cant believe it. I always imagined you such a macho beast Dont they read your posts? Since your main objective is getting your WIFE out the org. !!!!!!!!

    The thing is we say we want sensitivity in a man, but not weakness. A difficult task for any man.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit