What do you mean by selling yourself out?
I think I understand your spiritual angst. I was also raised as a Witness and I'm still grappling with what to believe. Some things that have helped me has been to study history and discover that every issue we deal with has been dealt with eons ago. Studying other religions also helps. I'm agnostic now, but I find studying faiths interesting, and I believe every one has something of value if we know what to look for. I don't think that considering positive aspects of religion constitutes selling out.
Most of all, though, what helps me is to accept that what I determine of conclude will have no bearing on anything, that the same questions will be asked when I'm gone, in short, that spiritual angst is not worth losing sleep. Find something that brings you joy, and pursue such courses with a passion. What have you always wanted to know? What skills have you always wanted to acquire? What kind of person do you want to become? Answering any of these questions in meaningful way will require experimentation and work. In an honest pursuit of these matters, spiritual angst becomes much less important--a mere fog during the dawn of understanding, that lifts as we live further into our day, searching for the sunlight. Carlyle says to lower your expectations to nothing, and you'll achieve infinity. In math, the limit as we approach division by zero is an ever expanding asymptote--the gist of Carlyle's argumentation.
Nothing I've said will be the answers you seek, as your question is one that you must answer with your own heart and mind. That answer will be the only one that matters.
