well they did not reinstate me!! dont know how i feell! (page 2)

LittleToe

Well, now you have your answer. The Elders don't see things the same way as your family, and don't want you.

I honestly can't see you prolonging this without breaking mentally. Leading a double life is just too stressful.

You have a child, yes? The pull of a grandchild may be just too much for some parents to do the shunning thing.

If you truly are serious about the boyfriend, and he's good for you, what's holding you back?

Life can sometimes be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be...

unbeliever

You can't live your life to please others even parents. It's your happiness on the line and you live to live with it. Be true to yourself.

Sweety, ask if he believes you should be free to speak what is truthfully in your heart. Ask if he will be able to love you no matter how you feel right now, if nothing else in hopes that you will change in the future. Ask if his love for you is conditional on you doing what an earthly organization tells you to do.

But, Cordelia, you can't continue being dishonest with him. It will tear you both up in the long run. I am aching for you, I understand the pull, but if you aren't true to yourself you will be someone else's puppet. That isn't just true in this organization, if you lose your integrity to yourself you are lost, you become something other than you. If there is any way I can help, let me know.

Lurkers, this is an excellent example of the kinds of emotional torment this Organization brings into the lives of anyone who comes to a point where they disagree. They advocate for freedom of expression, but they only give that freedom lip service. This is angering to some people, and rightly so. It is called indignance, not bitterness.

Respectfully,
OldSoul

DHL

Cordelia,

Seems, your father wants nothing else from you but your life. He asks you to not decide the way YOU want to but how HE wants it. He seems to not a bit be interested in YOUR desires. So if you gave in to this you would make "a deal with the devil", as you would sell your soul (plus eventually lose your bf) to please your father. Don't you think he wants you to pay more than you can afford? Are you ready to pay?

I seem harsh but I have gone through this, too, and I know exactly how (devastating) it feels. But in the end I stood firm for me because I wanted to be able to look me straight in the eyes whenever I look into a mirror.

Love Debbie

JustTickledPink

I've tossed the idea back and forth many times but I know that I like to live my life the way I choose to and if I ever got reinstated then I would be forever under a microscope.

I also celebrate my birthday, I celebrate Christmas, I see R rated movies, I do as I choose to.

I basically feel that my mother has conditional love for me, if she ever really wanted to get the know the real me and love me for who I am, this wouldn't be an issue. I can't fake anything in life, I can't be a hypocrite, and I don't want to be. I think I'm just perfect the way I am. So I would never change a thing.

I'm so sorry you're stressed about it all though, in time you will know what's best for you. In time you will resolve it in your heart.

diamondblue1974

Sorry it hasnt worked out how you originally anticipated Cordelia...how dare a group of imperfect men judge your spirituality without any evidence....? surely you could appeal this decision!? or at least be stumbled !?

I have a couple of observations though...hope you dont mind.

It certainly seems that your family is struggling to find the balance between their sense of 'humanity and family' on one hand and their indoctrinated beliefs on the other; the fact that your Dad has even tried to compromise from his usual hardline view speaks volumes about the whole idea of shunning ones family and friends and how unatural it feels to them and this is a good thing...the more unnatural it feels the more there is a scope for compromise on their part.

I have always thought that your decision to be reinstated so that you can enjoy a better unrestricted relationship with your family to be the ultimate sacrifice and one I actually admire...I have the utmost admiration for people who can do things I dont think I could possibly do and I dont think I could compromise that much...(always been a stubborn bugger!)

Personally I think you should carry on with the way you are going...at least when you are reinstated you can then live your life the way you want to...perhaps even change congregations...move away not too far away from your family but far enough people will keep themselves to themselves without interfering - your fade then will be a lot easier.

People might accuse you of duplicity and not being true to yourself but dont be phased by this though....no-one can judge unless they have walked a mile in your shoes...they might have faced similar circumstances...even been in similar situation but they arent you...simply put they have no right to judge...

Again its sad things havent worked out at this point in time...keep your chin up matey!

DB74

defd

then be honest with him or yourself. Do you REALLY want to leave off from serving Jehovah?

AK - Jeff

Cordelia -

I agree with OS completely. Have a heart-to-heart with Daddy. Open up, cry together. Most importantly, discuss the matter of conditional vs. unconditional love. Let him know that you are not forcing him to reject you - you want a relationship, but the cruelty lies with the organization's effort to 'punish and hurt' you. But that you must live your life. Then hand him a copy of CoC and let him wressle with the matter.

I know from where I speak in this, dear. My own daughter was DF'd, I was torn to pieces for years as to how to handle it correctly. Tried to balance the Organizations' unbalanced view, with my desire to be a father to my only child when she needed the support. It was rocky for a long time, then one day the whole thing made me look hard at the organization. [That and a lot of other things too I should add].

Bottom line is I am out and free of the lies now. I am not saying that your Dad will have the same experience, but he might.

I took a course a long time ago in which it was postualized that we never make any changes in ourselves of major propotion until we have a "Significant Emotional Experience" . That is what I think happened in my case - the events were so emotionally charged that it made me try and find some sort of sense in the whole thing - I eventually could not correlate the Love of Christ with the Organization. This could happen to your Dad too. But if u just go back and play a double agent - what will make him think and maybe see the 'truth of the truth'?

Just my opinion

Jeff

FreedomFrog

I'm sorry you have to face this. I also have my parents as JW's, as well as 2 sisters, a brother and my niece. And they are strong with their beliefs. My mom cries a lot because of us not being in that religion. Show them love no matter what, but be true to yourself. You need to follow your path, your life. That's my advice anyway.

daystar

then be honest with him or yourself. Do you REALLY want to leave off from serving Jehovah?

Cordelia

Defd speaks from his stubbornly held premise that if you leave the Society, you also leave off serving Jehovah. Since the Society is a false religion, this is simply not true and may be ignored.

But, you decide for yourself. Trust in your heart to guide you, for that is the only place from which Jehovah and Jesus will speak to you.

well they did not reinstate me!! dont know how i feell!

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