well they did not reinstate me!! dont know how i feell!

Cordelia

well any of u that read my post about reinstatement will know what im on about basically i put my letter in for my family ive been dfed since march and they so want me back,

but the lovely elders took a month to get back to me and then said they were gonna leave it as i have the wrong motive as i am doing it for my family not jehovah, (which of course i am but they werent meant toknow that!) thing is in my reinstatement meeting i knew exactly what i was doing i knew exactly what i should not and should say and said all the wrong things because i didnt want it,

BIG PROBLEM now is my plan was to be stumbled and tell my dad i dont want it anymore but he was so lovely and said hell help me 'spiritually' every week and i even plucked up my courage and told him i still loved the lad i got dfed for, (but i said we had hardly any contact) which is not true, and now im torn between my boyfriend thinking it was gonna be ok by now i was not gonna 'be weird anymore' and my dad wanting me back so bad,

what should i do? any help would be appreciated, i dont want to hurt my dad (he even hinted at me getting reinstated and even maybe being with the boyfriend then, he wants me back that bad) but i want to celebrate my birthday next month and christmass and be with my boyfriend without hiding, and i dont think he would be willing to be hid again,

any answers anyone? x

bikerchic

Sorry your plans didn't work out like you planned but I've learned the hard way that honesty (especially with myself) is always the best policy.

what should i do? any help would be appreciated, i dont want to hurt my dad (he even hinted at me getting reinstated and even maybe being with the boyfriend then, he wants me back that bad) but i want to celebrate my birthday next month and christmass and be with my boyfriend without hiding, and i dont think he would be willing to be hid again,
any answers anyone? x

I would level with your Dad and get on with your life doing it the way you want. You can't be Daddy's little girl forever and even though he won't like your decision trying to help someone who is indecisive can be a real drag at some point he'll get sick of it. If you think about it you are hurting him over and over again and again, that is cruel and disrespectful to him and to yourself. Also remember your b/f is watching how you interact with your father it tells him volumes about what kind of wife/mother/person you are.

I don't mean to sound insensitive to your dilemma but I couldn't in all honestly tell you to continue to hide and be dishonest with the people who love you the most. I hope you can munster up enough courage to stand up and live your life more openly and honestly. People can respect honesty.

Good luck.

daystar

It has been said that often when a person asks for advice, they already know what they're going to do, but feel the need for support in it.

You know what your heart says you should do. You don't need advice from us. Follow your heart.

MerryMagdalene

(((((Cordelia)))))

I empathise with your situation and I understand the pain of difficult choices and the desire to escape the pain and avoid the choices...but there really is no way out but through. I think you may have to accept that whatever you choose, whatever you decide, there will be pain...so you had best choose what is most essential to your own genuine spiritual and psychological growth. That is what you are responsible for, first and foremost.

I wish you well in this

~Merry

Cordelia

u r completly right, i know that,

but i know my dad would never get sick of helping me and so i suposse i would hurt him over and over and i dont want that,

but he said just get reinstated and eveythings ok (in other words i can maybe do what i want then except i cant as id prob get re dfed but i always thought hed be like my mum who says 'if im not doing it for the right reason heres no piont)

but hes not as he loves me that much,and thats what so hard ive even said i doubt the 'truth'

should i just give it another two months for my dad or should i do what makes me happy?

daystar

should i just give it another two months for my dad or should i do what makes me happy?

First of all, I know where you are coming from. My parents are both still active Witnesses as well. Many times they have pleaded with me to "come back".

As an adult, you cannot live your life trying to please others. You must live your life for yourself.

Now, you worry about hurting your father again and again... Just suppose you were to be reinstated and manager to stay that way for a few years. Then your father discovers the real truth about the WBTS and leaves. Just how guilty do you think he would feel having been the reason you stayed in that Organization, just for him?

One can't really predict the future easily.

An old buddy of mine used to say "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man."

MerryMagdalene

Perhaps you could look beyond what makes you (and the others involved) happy versus unhappy and look to what will best help you grow and develop and mature as a person. Looking to results of happiness and unhappiness may be clouding the real issues, as temporary happiness can be gained from things that are bad for us in the long run, and initial unhappiness may come from choices that will actually be good for us in the long run.

Assure everyone of your genuine love for them and then do what you think is best in the best way that you can. I'm pullin' for ya

~Merry

delilah

Very well put, Merry....Cordelia, best of luck to you .....be happy....for you.

Emacu

Hi Cordy

New here tonight, (only found out about the "truth" this weekend after leaving at 16 - now 33). If it's not 2 rude, I would like to know how old you are (perhaps it shouldnt matter) My advice would be that wether you have been d'fd for a boyfriend (love) or not - you need to be true to yourself more than anyone else. A lot of us ex - JW's have not done that (wether dunked or not when we left) and not being true to yourself leaves lives in a mess. If your family REALLY love you then they will come to except you for who you truly are. If they love "Jehovah" more then you need to move on anyway - Maybe with your boyfriend and his family or maybe with someone else in the future & theirs. There are SOOOO many lovely people out here in the "world". There are also ****ty people who prey on vunerable & ****ed up ex-JW's. be careful and learn from people on Websites like this. Remember why you want to do wot YOU want....(for once).

Love to you and good luck.

PJ

Joel Wideman

Cordelia, JWs learn to put the organization first, themselves never. But an important part of Christianity is, as Jesus said, love your neighbor as you love yourself. We cannot do this without having love for ourselves.
Just something to consider.

well they did not reinstate me!! dont know how i feell!

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