only a few days ago i was walking around the house in a mindless wander thinking if i needed to seek professional help.
then i got the courage to seek the comfort of complete strangers on the internet and found a world of support here on this website.
thank you simon and whoever else has made this website possible.
Welcome, eldress!
Reading your story and learning how your husband responded to you as you lay side-by-side in your bed sharing the most vulnerable thing you can as a doubting JW nearly made me tear up... As a couple you both will leave together and not be torn apart and shredded emotionally over TTaTT like so many JW marriages have been.
the more i interact with non-jw men and women the more i notice that i still behave like a jw woman.
when i interact with people (men especially) i find myself being super submissive and docile.
acting like i don't have a brain and can't make decisions on my own.
Hi Lauren,
Good input here - I can identify with where you're at post-JW, and have been doing lots of my own inner work toward being more assertive about my own needs and standing strong in my own space. Wanting to be liked by others is natural, and as mentioned above, understanding the limits to that will work to your advantage on how much investment you put into others over yourself.Up thread, self-esteem and people pleasing was mentioned. JW hierarchy and forcing the role of the submissive woman definitely shapes and molds the female identity. Couple that with personality type and temperament in women who are more sensitive and facilitating/cooperative in their core means a lot of variations on this theme exist.
Your biggest strength is in recognizing what's currently going on with you. Now you can acknowledge where some of that came from and work towards changing patterns that no longer fit. We're all beautifully complex human beings and one size doesn't fit all in the way we work our way through these things.
Thank you for posting this.
i mean, i don't want to be miserable or anything, but what's the bloody point of it all?.
since i left the watchtower cult, i have come to realise that god cannot possibly exist...and if a god exists...god is indifferent to humankind as the least.. in 100 years time i'll be gone.
kaput.
Cofty, thanks for your thoughts
i'm an unbelieving but baptised jw.
i woke up to ttatt around 4 years ago.
i haven't been regular to meetings for nearly 10 years.
i mean, i don't want to be miserable or anything, but what's the bloody point of it all?.
since i left the watchtower cult, i have come to realise that god cannot possibly exist...and if a god exists...god is indifferent to humankind as the least.. in 100 years time i'll be gone.
kaput.
Punk,
Sorry, my last post was bleak. Your posts always touch me where it hurts. Then I leak. Sorry for that.
I used to be wide-eyed and full of wonder. Now each day is a challenge to find reasons to go on. It's hard. So hard I shouldn't comment in suicide threads. Sorry to you and anyone else that I've added pain to.
i mean, i don't want to be miserable or anything, but what's the bloody point of it all?.
since i left the watchtower cult, i have come to realise that god cannot possibly exist...and if a god exists...god is indifferent to humankind as the least.. in 100 years time i'll be gone.
kaput.
I couldn't commit suicide (although, I've tried before), I don't wanna die.................what's the bloody point to anything? It's all so futile. Transient. Always ends in tears.
I'm fine with going to sleep and not waking up. no tears.
When you start learning about how worse it is in other countries who don't give a fuck about running over people with cars, and backing up to be sure they're dead because it's better in the "justice" system to kill instead of maim (China) and human trafficking of children for sex, it's easy to get in the line for a ticket out. I don't want anything to do with this world. Fuck it.
My first world comforts don't make up for the 8-yearod sold off in some third-world country who never has a chance at anything. I'd rather not be here. You with your money and smartphones and high-paying jobs on the backs of others yeah, you got yours. Kill me now so I don't have to turn my head anymore to the suffering of other human beings and beautiful creatures that exist and get in the way of profiteers.
i buy into the theory of evolution.. where does it's "mission" to do what it does (programming) come from?.
Ok. Let me find that book and I'll revisit this after.
Thanks Cofty and others for your thoughts on this.
i buy into the theory of evolution.. where does it's "mission" to do what it does (programming) come from?.
In the West for most of us, life isn't a struggle. Sure, we have tough times - trying to find a job, pay the bills, escape from the WT, etc. but we don't starve or die of exposure. We have cheap food, heating, running water, shelter, etc.
And then, with intelligence and human consciousness, some sensitive souls wrestle with the idea of "surviving" or trying to heal *whatever* is in their baggage is so against the odds and decide isn't worth it to pass along genes. Those who chose to opt--out and suicide... Is that intelligent decision to "throw in the towel" to concede to the fittest another way biology makes its dominance (or not) its way to the top to survive? Survive to what?
Is reality then that weak people don't belong and they should just shuttle off? Damn, that's depressing.
I'm looking up that book. Gotta find the author through amazon.
ever hear somebody say, "trust your gut..."?.
or, like obe wan kenobe: "trust your feelings...."?.
have you ever followed that "little voice" that whispers to you that you should or should not do something?.
What is your "INTUITION" about THE SECRET "law of attraction"?
That slick repackaging of old ideas can snag newbies at every turn.
...To the making of books there is no end....
I do believe that effort and focus = results. But not in the magic, Ronda Byrne (Abraham-Hicks, and all other guest stars on the DVD) sort of way.
The marketing and CULTure of The Secret and all its related branches of experts was a great learning phase for me.
i buy into the theory of evolution.. where does it's "mission" to do what it does (programming) come from?.
I will look into "The Selfish Gene." It sounds like a good read to help explain the new territory I'm exploring. Thanks for the recommendation.
